Healing a Family – Pour Your Heart Out

Fracture
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My relationship with my family has had its ups and downs.  In the most recent years its been strained, to say the least.

Two years ago(ish), I cut off all contact with my brother.

All of it.

No holidays. No visits. No phone calls.

I was done.

HAPPINESSNo nephew time (and I adore my nephews).

No sis-in-law time.

Because I was hurt. The hurt was inflicted during a time I was very scared, and so it was magnified into a great pain.

One I haven’t fully recovered from, mostly because it has not been dealt with. I haven’t told my brother why.

But several weeks ago a crisis arose.

My dad’s Parkinson’s took a left turn and the world sort of turned on its head for all of us.

It brought us all together again.  My brother, my parents and I all sat under the same roof to deal with the situation and where to go next.

Sometimes it takes a crisis to get over your own stubbornness, your own pride, your own pain.  In those moments, all of that is forgotten in the adrenaline rush, the fear, and the chaos. Those are the rough moments, but they’re also the moments of clarity. The moments when what’s really important comes out.

Suddenly we are talking. Phone calls are being made. Family outings are being planned.

We’re taking baby steps, and I still have to sit down with my brother and explain how the rift started, how I was hurt. Our lives have been too chaotic for a good heart-to-heart.

But we’re making pathways.

Moving forward.

I feel a long-taut string loosening. One I hadn’t realized was stretched so thin.

Maybe someday soon the family will be whole again.

*~*

Written for Things I can’t Say’s Pour Your Heart Out
pouryourheart1


by Sarah Cass

Multi-published author. Mom of 3 special needs kids. Wife to 1 good man.
Redefining Perfect every day.


I’m a Fake – Pour Your Heart Out

Fracture
*This site is monetized. Any links in this post are likely to be affiliates.

I like to act like I have all the answers.

It’s better to be in the know.

PretenderBut I’m a fake.

There’s so many minutes of every day that I’m lost.

I don’t know how to handle all of the things life has thrown at me lately. Sometimes the littlest thing sets me off in a tizzy and I’m gone for hours.

My mind eventually catches up to my panic and eases my internal panic, but in the interim I’m lost.

The past month has been overwhelming in a seemingly never-ending stream of issue upon issue. Most of which I have no answers for, no way to resolve in the real world in any matter of real time.

99% of the time I do my best not to show it (this past month has been an exception).

I’m a great actress in this respect. I’m great at the “fake it ’til you make it”.

When all I want to do is cry.

Scream.

Hide.

Crawl into a dark hole until the worst passes.

I wish I had all the answers. I work better with facts. Knowledge. They say knowledge is power, and in most ways it’s true. Unfortunately, too many of the current events are great unknowns.

What will happen with my dad’s Parkinson’s?

Will my sons CF issues crop up again this year?

Will my daughter’s erupt in a way they haven’t in years?

Did we make a mistake putting the middle on meds?

Will SSI resolve fast or do I have more fight ahead?

Will my new (old) job really help us out? Or hinder us in some way?

Too many questions and not enough answers.

If I could get some solid answers, maybe I’d be better off.

Until then, I’ll keep faking it until I make it, I guess.

*~*

Written for Things I can’t Say’s Pour Your Heart Out
pouryourheart1


by Sarah Cass

Multi-published author. Mom of 3 special needs kids. Wife to 1 good man.
Redefining Perfect every day.


Top Ten Tuesday – Things I Miss From Cable TV

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*This site is monetized. Any links in this post are likely to be affiliates.

Copy of Top 10 Favorite BooksJust over five years ago we gave up cable. Then, after a year I caved and got it again, only to cancel it again after our discount rate went away.

We sure don’t miss the cost, but there are a few things I miss .

With regular stations, Netflix, and Amazon Prime, we have plenty to watch and shows to catch up on, and other shows we can catch after a year, but some things just aren’t the same.

  1. DVR. There are so many times I simply forget a show is on, or something comes up and I’m not at the TV when it comes on. Worse, some shows (Hell, SYTYCD) just don’t let me catch it online “next day”. I miss the convenience of in-box DVR.
  2. Ghost Hunters. Inarguably the one show I miss. It’s also the one that SyFy refuses to stream in any way.
  3. The Dead Files. Another favorite. (Are we sensing a theme here?)
  4. My Ghost Story. (Seriously, I need help.)
  5. Nick at Night. It’s showing MY old favorites now…good shows, great reruns.
  6. Hell on Wheels. Yes it’s on Netflix, but first run is better.
  7. American Pickers. Yeah.
  8. Nat Geo.  ‘Nuff said.
  9. FX.
  10. 100′s of channels. Always something on. (this is both a blessing and a curse. Harder to turn off the TV and, oh, I dunno…WORK.)

In the end, life is better without cable. But some days I do get waxing poetic over the whole thing.

What about you? What is your favorite thing about having, or not having, cable as the case may be? If you don’t…what do you miss most from cable?


by Sarah Cass

Multi-published author. Mom of 3 special needs kids. Wife to 1 good man.
Redefining Perfect every day.