I’ve always been the “Silver Linings” girl. Well, maybe not always. I did have a rough time as a tween/teen. Still, since adulthood I’ve tried to always keep on the bright side, to put a positive spin on things, to see the good in people and believe in their best when they might not be showing you their good side. It hasn’t always been easy, but I’ve tried – and mostly succeeded. There’s been times I’ve been down pretty deep in the doldrums, times where it lingered. Somehow I’ve always pulled myself out. I’d hesitate to call it anything like depression because I’ve seen depression, I’ve seen what pain others feel, and I was never that deep, never that lost. This year has been rough. I’ve said it many times. It’s knocked me down over and again, every time I’ve tried to pick myself up. I thought it was just the bad times knocking me down. Those were the reason I couldn’t pick myself back up so easily. Those nasty, horrible events were the reason I couldn’t drum out the doldrums as I always had before. They were the reason the good times didn’t have the luster they usually did. In the past couple of weeks I’ve had to be honest with myself. I’ve had to be honest with my husband. And I forced myself to be honest with my doctor. I am depressed. I can’t do this on my own. I’ve been trying to claw my way back out for months all on my own. All it’s done is left me nasty, bitter, and angry on top of depressed. I was always worried I’d insult those with severe depression by admitting mine. However, my bipolar husband thinks I’m being ridiculous by thinking that. As he put it, “Would you not admit you were sick because someone else has cancer?” Sometimes, he’s pretty damn spot on. So here I am. Being honest with you all, as I’m attempting to be honest with myself. I am surrounded by my family, but I feel alone. I am surrounded by joy, but I feel removed from it. I feel like I’ve tried to reach out, but no one reaches back. I’m tired of not going out, because I don’t see the point…and because I’m afraid no one will care either way if I’m there anyway. I feel like the bad is winning. That we will never be in a good place again, personally, financially, physically. I’ve begun to seek help, but I think it’s going to be a long row to hoe. And I’m so tired of feeling alone. Read more »
It’s been a rough year, so I take every moment of joy and kindness with a little extra heart these days. A few weeks ago an innocent conversation at work turned into one of my favorite stories ever. An older gentleman came to my window to transact his bank business. We made the common small talk, but then he took notice of my necklace. It’s nothing elaborate, just a moon-wrapped pentacle pendant–that I wear simultaneously with a Mickey Mouse pendant. He paused in our conversation and said, “Your necklace reminds me of a book series I just read. It was very good, I enjoyed it a lot. Now what was it?” As he pondered, I finished his transaction. Then he had his epiphany. “Oh, yes! The Hunger Games! Have you read it? It’s really good.” Call me sexist and ageist, but I was surprised when he announced he’d just read a YA series…but I brushed off my non-PC moment and smiled. I nodded and replied. “Oh yes, I have heard of it, many of my friends have read it, but I haven’t read them myself yet.” “Oh, you should! I tell you what–I’ll bring in my copies, and you read them.” At my initial protest he held up his hand. “No, really. The only thing I ask is that once you’ve read them, you pass them on to someone else to read. Books are meant to be shared.” He left and I thought little about it again…until I got to work the next week, and the whole series was awaiting me in my station. So now, I’ve moved these to the top of my list…because such a gesture must be met with enthusiasm. And thus, I am now (finally?) reading The Hunger Games. Read more »
by Sarah CassMulti-published author. Mom of 3 special needs kids. Wife to 1 good man.
Redefining Perfect every day.
The past four months have been chaotic and filled with a secretive sort of excitement. Denver has us keeping a rather large secret from the girls. We are returning to Disney this fall! I have been scrambling for dining reservations, suitcases, and other necessities that I have to sneak into the house and hide from the girls. Because they do NOT know. Part of Denver’s wish at Make A Wish was to keep this whole thing a big, fat, humongous secret from his two little sisters. So we are whispers, sneaking, and super secret planning and count-downing. Texting ideas instead of saying them out loud. Oh, we’ve nearly been caught several times…but any time the girls hear Disney or we discuss anything in front of them, it’s “in 2021”. (For the record, we are planning a trip in 2021 that will be larger in scale and involve good friends along for the ride) 2021 is a great cover story when we get caught. But we are going back…and the teen and I are making a serious effort for real planning. We have secured all the reservations we REALLY wanted (getting into the parks early! Yay!). We’ve scoured maps and discussed what was missed last year and will not be missed again. We’ve supplied ourselves with a bunch of pins for trading (and keeping!!). We’ve watched and re-watched all the Disney shows to be had (thank you, Destination America) until our DVR broke. In 20 days from now, a limo will arrive bright and early while the girls are still in bed. We will have everything packed and ready to go and we’ll burst into the girls room yelling that they’re late for school and rush them outside to the waiting limo!! The excitement is palpable. The countdown is a way to get us through the rough days. And there have been a lot of them these days. Thank goodness for the mouse. Read more »