Why Do We Resist The Village We Know We Need?

We all know the phrase. We use it all the time when we have little ones, “It takes a village to raise a child.”

I think it goes farther than that – It takes a village…period.

We ALL need a village…or a tribe…we need people.

We need each other.

So why do we resist our village when they rise to help us?

I have a friend, a good friend, who has come to mean a lot to me in the past couple of years. Six months ago they moved many miles so her husband could take a very exciting job that suited him perfectly.  After years of being self-employed, they would have regular checks coming in…and he would be doing a job that was pretty darn amazing.

He is now one of the hundreds of thousands of workers furloughed because of the shutdown over the asinine wall.

We’ve had a lot of talks over the past month as she’s grappled with the existence.  I made a comment to her that she should put it out there to ask for help from those she’s helped and taught. She’s resisted, and resisted, stating they’re okay right now.

When I went to send her money for an item I’d purchased, I sent her extra.

“What did you do?” Was her response, “You’re saving for Florida!”  I reassured her we’d talked about it and were fine with our decision…and she relented and we continued our discussion…and it struck me hard.

It’s long been proven in so many studies and just general truth…we are STRONGER in a community. When we rely on each other.

So why do resist?

We often are afraid to ask, or we feel like a failure or inadequate, so we are too embarrassed to ask.

It also doesn’t help that in today’s society we are full of Judgy McJudgersons ready to tell us how we should have been prepared, we should have done this, or done that…who are super eager to sit behind the anonymity of their computer screens and tell us why you should do it YOURSELF…

But you can’t. Not always.

Friendship is about love and caring and support.

The next time you see someone you know struggling…

Be their village. Not their judge and jury.

Be their village.

They’re going to resist. So stick with something small. A silly card, something you know they’ve wanted off the wall, or just sitting with them and letting them vent without commisserating (i.e. telling them your story of woe to match).

Remember, in a village, it’s not always about YOU. Sometimes it’s about them.

Be their village.

Because one day, you’re gonna need them to be yours.

Air Frying is the Compromise We All Love

*This post is sponsored by Phoenix Trading Company. I was given an air fryer in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts are my own.*

In the world of home appliances, I have both too many, and too few. Recently I got a new kitchen appliance that has brought about some good.

See, we have had a bit of a problem in our marriage since day 1.

I LOVE fried food.

Erik hates it.

So some of my favorite meals, he only picks at. He doesn’t like the grease, slime, general heaviness of fried anything.

IMG_20160712_181256590When I was approached to try out this Air Fryer, I jumped at the chance.

What better compromise could this nearly-14 years married couple make than air frying?

No greasy food, just pure taste. At least, that was the hope. Hubs wasn’t so sure once he heard about it, and saw the thing.  But, I persisted.

I made the one meal I love to make often, and hubs has always liked the taste of, but not the frying.

Breaded lemon chicken (just call me Debra Barone).

IMG_20160712_181514433I did everything the same as I always did, but instead of fighting dropping it in a pan, I set it in a basket, spritzed it with some olive oil spray and slid it into the cooker. Ten minutes later, they were done.

Bonus points I didn’t even think of?

  1. I didn’t have to worry about the chicken being cooked through in the middle. Normally in oil I either get the breading burned, and the inside isn’t cooked…or vice versa. In the air fryer every single piece was perfection, from the thickest to the thinnest.
  2. Oil burns be gone!  See, I have a bad habit of getting burned by everything I cook in oil or in its own grease (hello bacon, my delicious nemesis). Holy cow is it nice to be able to not worry about that. My hands, arms, and even my face are free from grease splatter.
  3. If I was just cooking for one or two of us, I could have slipped our whole meal in one basket as their cooking time was the same. However, there were four of us, so I had to spread it out. Still, for a quick lunch, I’m all over this.
  4. It’s a smaller kitchen appliance that can either sit on your counter, or slip into a cabinet should you have a tiny kitchen with no counter space like me. 😉
  5. Did I mention the no oil thing? A little spritz of olive oil instead of sitting in pools of oil will help keep me out of that plus size clothing 😉
  6. My husband eats the food. Scarfed it down, actually.

IMG_20160712_181239984So we had a delicious meal. Perfectly cooked chicken, potatoes and cauliflower. A meal that everyone ate up, and turned out to be easy as pie.

Oooh, pie. That’s something I should make next. Little mini pies in no time flat.

You in with me?  I can help you with that super easy.

Because I’m sharing a giveaway for a Todd English 1500W 3.3 qt Touchscreen Air Fryer w/ Filter & Accessories !!!

 

Seriously, you want in. Soon as I get that pie recipe done, I’ll share it with you. I’m on it tonight.

 

 
PTC high res logo
About Phoenix Trading Company (PTC):

First, we’re not in Phoenix, Arizona. Never have been (we’re in Boston). Our name refers to the

mythical bird, the Phoenix, which is reborn to soar again. Our clothes and other products are

sort of like that. We buy large volumes of out-of-season, overstock and clearance designer

merchandise from national retailers and TV shopping channels, then pass the savings to

you—on average offering our goods at 60% below retail. And by the way, the pictures of shoes

and clothing you see on our site are the actual items that you’ll get in the mail. Nothing photo-

shopped here.

People seem to like us. We started in 2001 in 700 square feet subleased from a machine shop,

and have grown to be one of eBay’s top three women’s clothing sellers. We’re also an eBay top-

rated plus seller. Not that we’re bragging. It’s just true.

There is something we’re kind of proud of, though: A third of our workforce are people who are

housebound, either through physical disabilities or childcare responsibilities, and who would

otherwise not be able to have a job. And honestly, we couldn’t function without them.

So, that’s us in a nutshell. Phoenix Trading Company, bringing you style and savings at the click

of a mouse.

Social Media Links:

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/PhoenixTradingCompany

Tumblr – http://phoenixtradingcompany.tumblr.com/

Pinterest – https://www.pinterest.com/phoenixtrading/

 

A Moment of Kindness

It’s been a rough year, so I take every moment of joy and kindness with a little extra heart these days.

A few weeks ago an innocent conversation at work turned into one of my favorite stories ever.

An older gentleman came to my window to transact his bank business. We made the common small talk, but then he took notice of my necklace. It’s nothing elaborate, just a moon-wrapped pentacle pendant–that I wear simultaneously with a Mickey Mouse pendant.

He paused in our conversation and said, “Your necklace reminds me of a book series I just read. It was very good, I enjoyed it a lot. Now what was it?”

IMG_20160505_095238As he pondered, I finished his transaction.

Then he had his epiphany. “Oh, yes! The Hunger Games! Have you read it? It’s really good.”

Call me sexist and ageist, but I was surprised when he announced he’d just read a YA series…but I brushed off my non-PC moment and smiled. I nodded and replied. “Oh yes, I have heard of it, many of my friends have read it, but I haven’t read them myself yet.”

“Oh, you should! I tell you what–I’ll bring in my copies, and you read them.” At my initial protest he held up his hand. “No, really. The only thing I ask is that once you’ve read them, you pass them on to someone else to read. Books are meant to be shared.”

He left and I thought little about it again…until I got to work the next week, and the whole series was awaiting me in my station.

So now, I’ve moved these to the top of my list…because such a gesture must be met with enthusiasm.

And thus, I am now (finally?) reading The Hunger Games.

 

On Stage Again – Knocking Out That 45X45 List

I turn 40 in about a month.

I’ve been blessed in the past couple of years to be able to unintentionally fulfill a few items on my 45 X 45 list, and have my sites on a few more in the next couple of years.

However, this past fall-into-winter, I stumbled into a role in the local community theater.

One of my customers at the bank was the producer and urged me to audition.

It was A Charlie Brown Christmas, so of course I did.

IMG_20151205_184133Say hello to Violet Grey.

Also in the cast was Shermy (my hubby, Erik), and a couple of Woodstocks (Kennedy & Molly)…and backstage you could find Denver helping out.

For two months we rehearsed.

Sang.

Roller skated!!!

I had forgotten how much I loved doing theater.

Plenty of excuses not to.

This turned into a family affair and was the perfect way to dip my toe back into the theater pool.

More auditions are planned (this month! Eek!).

Though my available time has waned in recent months, that theater bug has re-seated itself into my blood.

This was about more than knocking another item off of my bucket list.

It was like coming home.

I won’t go all crazy 4-shows-a-year-so-I’m-never-home again.

But I won’t go too far away from home again.

This time, though, it’ll be just me.

I’m Calling It

MarchI don’t care if I’m a few days early.

I don’t care if it isn’t technically correct.

I’m calling it anyway.

March is DEAD. It can die now.  It’s April -4 so far as I’m concerned.

HI APRIL!!  You’re a beautiful month. I know you’ll be a fair sight better than that bitch, March.

After all, the only thing she gave me was broken drain pipes, cash flowing out way faster than it was coming in, heartache, and stress levels so high I couldn’t sleep.

April, I welcome your soothing rains, your signs of spring, you warming temps. I also welcome the arrival of April 20th when I can see and hug my bestie and my second mom again. Hell, when I can hug all those crazy, insane ICDC people again.

So hello, April -4th. Glad to see you. You’re a beautiful thing, you are.

 

The Upside of Down

IMG_20160321_110458I have about 5 posts sitting as drafts in my wordpress from the past two weeks. They are reflections on the depression I’ve been in. The despair I’ve felt as crap-storm after crap-storm hit us from all directions.

Leaking drains.

Lying doctors.

Stupid cars.

The brutality of the flu.

One thing after another.

After another.

After another.

Much of my facebook feed has been filled with the same.

I do not often fall into the pit of depression, but I sure did this time.

1934480_1064339110295747_2050292078819402766_nIt’s been tough, and painful, and I am still not all the way out of it.

And I know it is nowhere near what others go through every single day of their lives (those like my husband), but that makes it no less valid.

However, little changes are happening, and big changes, too.

In the depths of this all I went out without knowing where I was going.

A little voice in the back of my mind was telling me to hop a plane anywhere.

Another little voice pointed out a less expensive option, and the tattoo parlor in my path. And thus, I got my feather. A symbol of a lot – of freedom, strength, dreams of flying away, and perhaps even a nod to my upcoming book series.

A couple of days later I got a surprise package in the mail filled with my favorite candies from Canada (thank goodness my childhood friend found me on facebook a few years back. 🙂 ).

There are still struggles abounding. Still construction that needs to be done.

But I am trying to claw my way back out.

I cleave to the moments of good.

The tokens of happy.

I’m trying to find the upside of down.

*Random Note – after I wrote down the title of this post it hit me…I once did a musical by that name. In musical I think. Can’t find any evidence of it on google…but damn, isn’t weird how those things hit you at weird times!