Every day I wake up, and my first thought is of my kids. My first emotion is fear. Will today be the day Kennedy gets sick? Maybe sick enough for the hospital? Will today be the day Molly has a breakdown? Will I need to go to school because she isn’t manageable? Will today be the day Denver ends up in the hospital…again? Every parent has fears and worries, and mine aren’t “worse” – they’re just different. But they’re real. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t suffer through the torments of worry. Whether through a passing thought, or an entire run through of possible calamity. Whether for one child, or another, or even all. Whether triggered by a cough, or a teacher email, or just my overall sense of awareness. It’s always there, lurking, leering, waiting to pounce. Every day I wake up afraid. Every day I shove the fear aside and face the day. I don’t have a choice, and I don’t want one. So long as I can push the fear aside I will. It’s a defense mechanism. Preparing me for the worst, so the every day can feel better for me. So I can see the bright side when things look horrifically dark. So when the worst does happen, I am prepared. I am ready for the hospital check in. I am ready for the teacher meeting. I am ready for the specialist appointment. I’ll embrace the daily fear, as long as I can continue to see the daily joy. *~* Written for Things I can’t Say’s Pour Your Heart Out Read more »
by Sarah CassMulti-published author. Mom of 3 special needs kids. Wife to 1 good man.
Redefining Perfect every day.