She’s cute.

She knows it.

You can be downright furious with her, and she’ll turn her head, widen those huge eyes and give you a smile that almost forces you to melt into a puddle on the spot.

It’s dangerous.

It’s adorable.

It’s nearly impossible to stay mad, to keep your face even when it’s punishment time.  Countless times we’ve sent her to her room for the sole purpose of laughing our asses off once she was out of sight.

From the time she was very tiny she had it.  A smile that could knock your socks off.  Goofy, bright, toothless.

Even now with a scary overbite (STOP.SUCKING.YOUR.THUMB!!)…

It didn’t matter the struggles she had.

The torticollis, hypotonia, a wrenched up little body…no. None of it mattered.

The kid had big ears and a virtual multitude of ridiculous expressions at her disposal.

She danced to her own music (and still does…only now she makes up words to go with that music too).

Nothing has ever stood in her way.  Not

Not even her own self.

Her anger.

Her extreme, ear-splitting, gut-wrenching screams that came from a fresh hell we’d never heard before.

Her tendency to self-injure.  Banging her head into hard wood floors, the corner of door frames. Ripping open the skin of her nose.

These moments scared us, and still do even as they’ve subsided into different behaviors.  The self-injuries are fewer, and our fears are slightly lessened.

But it’s always been those eyes.

The big, brown doe-eyes like none you’ve ever seen.  So ‘abnormally’ large that the optometrist feared she had glaucoma (she didn’t).

Once you mix in those with the smile you forget about the fits of anger.

As she’s gotten older she’s learned how to use them. Widening them, moving the eyes in just the right way.  A skill that rivals those on America’s Next Top Model.  Let me tell you, Angel’s got “Smize” (You ANTM fans know what I’m talking about 😉 ).

But beyond all of this.  All of the surface of my little Angel…

There is strength.

Attitude.

And strength.

With that attitude and strength she has pushed past every hurdle life has thrown at her.

When life gave her torticollis, she forced herself to sit – gaining enough strength to overcome it.

When that turned into being stuck in the ‘airplane’ reflex, she rolled over and started to crawl. Forcing her way through that.

When she was given a left side weaker than the right, and we feared/assumed she wouldn’t walk, or would walk late…she shocked us all (including her PT) by walking on time. It was always shaky, bow-legged, but it was walking.

When life gave her dysphagia, making all forms of eating difficult – she never complained.  She never cried out it. She swallowed her food whole.  No, not good for her in any way, but she persevered.

With a smile and a scream.

When life gave her tibial torsion on top of her hypotonia, it still didn’t stop her.  She kept walking, is still walking.  Pigeon-toed and as klutzy as they come (is klutziness genetic?)…but now she runs, jumps and plays like the rest of them.  The orthopaedists all say it’s self-repairing, ignoring the fact that her muscles arent strong enough to fix it – but she never lets anything like physical limitations stop her.

Diagnosed with CF.

It was more of a blow to us than it was to her.

She’s been blessed to be (mostly) healthy in the 3 years since her diagnosis.  She takes her medicine with a smile, a laugh.  She turns it into a game, giggling and laughing, reading and sitting quietly.

One day it will come, when the struggle will be tougher for her, for us all. When she is less “mostly healthy”.  When we become familiar with the pulmonary unit at the hospital.

When it does I don’t worry for her spirit.

It’s indomitable.

Angel has had, and will have, her blue days.

But she will always find a smile in it.

As she always had, she will push past this struggle.

If anyone can survive something, surpass expectations, it’s her.

No matter what life throws at her, she will persevere.

I know this, because I know her.

Strong. Creative. Spirited. Curious. Big-hearted. Friendly. Happy. Stubborn. Bright. And always just a little bit (no…a LOT) goofy.

This kid will surpass us all.

Of that I have NO doubt.

I love you Angel…even when you’re on my last nerve.

*****************

*I have been blogging a LOT lately about Riley. Our struggles with school, her behavior from being in school, everything in between. To remind you (and us) that we have 2 other kids, I’ve decided to do a small series over the next few weeks highlighting each of the kids…starting with Angel. I apologize now for putting that song in your head – it’s in mine too 😉