Sometimes it’s easy to ignore it all.  To push aside the stress, the fear, the worry.

“The appointment is a month away,” you tell yourself.  You think there’s no point in stressing now.

After all there’s not a damn thing you can do.

And things go smooth. You almost forget.

Then the moment happens.

Out of the blue you remember what you tried to forget.  A reminder phone call for an appointment. A simple glance at the calendar.

And all the fear and stress you’ve shoved aside checks you into the boards rougher than any hockey player.

***

One week from today there are two big doctor’s appointments.  Both on the same day. Both with the same doctor.

**

Angel will have her functions checked again. If she doesn’t bring her numbers up, our Christmas may be spent in the hospital.  We will also be discussing having a full genotype run on her to determine her exact CF gene combo (as the original bloodwork did not turn up her genomes in the ‘standard’ for CF).

**

Brandon is also meeting the pulmonologist for the first time.  He will have another sweat chloride test run (if Angel’s evolution is any indication 2+ tests = diagnosis). He will have blood work run (possibly a genotype for him as well). The doc will discuss his history and determine what other testing he needs.

**

I don’t know what’s going to happen.

I try to focus instead on keeping insanely busy for the holidays.

Then it hits.

One week from this minute I may have 2 CF kids instead of 1.

Or not.

I may be trying to figure out if the genotypes will be covered by insurance and if not, how to afford them.

There’s a lot of unknowns. I hate unknowns.

I don’t know how to help a grown child that’s always been healthy come to grips with a CF diagnosis.

Angel, well, she’s growing up with it…it’s already normal for her. Brandon grew up without major issues.

I don’t want to jump the gun…

But I can’t erase the fear.