Way back when this picture was taken I sure thought I was. (Picture credit goes to my mom who had the fancy camera way back then…in FILM *Gasp*)
Back, 11 years ago, when Brandon was only 2. When I only had the one. When my co-parent was my own parents. When the biggest problem I dealt with was chronic BM issues (yeah, he’ll kill me if he ever reads this). When he was cute and adorable and obedient and kind and polite.
When life was “easy”.
Now there are three.
There is school. Homework. Teachers. Doctors. Specialists. Special Medicines. Bills. Cleaning. THREE kids. Doctors. THREE kids. Quirks. Hospitals. Marriage. Home repairs. Car maintenance. Cleaning. THREE kids.
Oh, did I repeat myself once or twice? Yeah. I know.
I don’t want to use the term “bad mother”…because, you know…it’s such a debate trigger.
Sometimes, though. Sometimes I look at myself and I see that I’m not good at this.
I don’t have patience.
I don’t have answers.
I don’t do the things that you’re supposed to. I love to read to myself, but get bored reading to my kids (shameful, I know).
I don’t have patience.
I don’t check homework every day after school.
I always miss deadlines for snack week, permission slips, all those things.
I don’t have patience.
I don’t give my kids daily baths. Or every couple of days. (But in my defense, my baths were 1x/week)
I use the TV as a babysitter.
I’m online too much (I’m trying to do better…some days I do better than others).
I don’t have patience.
…..
Are we detecting a common theme?
Sometimes I wonder what part of my brain actually thought growing up that I would grow into this ‘perfect’ mom. I saw myself doing it all. Crafts, dinner, cleaning…the perfect little household.
My ‘perfect’ has redefined itself into something that feels far from perfect for me.
It’s a process.
I’m working on redefining myself as a mom.
To snap less. To breathe and have patience. To do more cleaning. More cooking. Making sure I’m more involved in what my kids are doing in school.
I want to feel like I’m good at being a mom. Like I DESERVE the title. EVERY day. Not just now & then.
The fact that you’re even THINKING in these terms says just how good a Mom you are – which is, apparently, WAY better than you think.
Give yourself a break. June Cleaver went off the air a LONG time ago.
(And I’m willing to bet you probably don’t understand that – ask your Mom.)
@lceel,
LOL. Trust me, I’m not an infant. I do understand the June Cleaver reference 😉 (although I bow to you and give great thanks for THINKING I wouldn’t understand)
Thank you, Lou. Facing these things isn’t easy…most days I try to project just the opposite…but I have to face the fact that I definitely don’t feel like I’m good at it if I want to do anything about it.
Amen sister–tell me when you figure it out. I would trade my last born for the secret!
@Katy Greenbauer, But I would also trade her for a brownie sundae on somedays too….
@Katy Greenbauer,
Ooooh….brownie sundae. Oh, when is my local Dairy Queen opening? Now I REALLY want one of those….mmmmmm…
I’m sorry. What were we talking about?
Self abuse is part of being a good parent, always striving to do better. But always remember that we chastise ourselves because we care enough to do more. That in my mind makes a good parent. Parents are human, kids are human, we are bound to clash. Love will cover it, you are a good mother.
I am a disabled mom so I have “mom guilt” up the wazoo. Sick mom guilt. Well or sick, I guess we all have it, and as people have mentioned up above, we wouldn’t be good moms if we DIDN’T have it.
No one is perfect so to expect perfection from our Mom-ness is not possible. We just do the best we can and try to make sure we are not the reason our kids will be in therapy. That’s my goal anyway.