So there’s this thing coming up in two weeks.

It’s called NaNoWriMo.

Maybe you’ve heard of it?

I used to participate. Every year faithfully for four years.  I started in 2004. Thought, “This will be so easy.”

I failed.

50,000 words in one month, and I failed.

I failed in ’05, ’06, FINALLY winning in 2007 by the skin of my teeth.

Once I’d finally achieved the elusive defeating of the challenge I stopped trying.

I don’t know what it is about that bloody challenge that makes me incapable of completing it.  Maybe it’s the fact that it frequently falls around Mercury going into retrograde?  Maybe it’s the pressure?

See, the first year I signed up for it I thought it would be easy for one simple reason. From April until August of that year I had written approximately 500,000 words. 50k seemed like a small feat.  The next year? A similar phenomenon.

Last month I wrote 90k without breaking a sweat. Someone in one day I accomplished 10k. I still don’t know how I did it, I just know that I did and that I love everything I wrote.

So while I’d love to give myself the challenge of NaNo, I’ll be skipping out again.  I’ll keep writing, and maybe I’ll get to 50k or maybe I won’t.

If you’re doing NaNo, I wish you the best of luck.  It’s a great program, and I love the support system, forums, and encouragement it provides to new and experienced writers alike.  I wish I didn’t feel so cursed and uninspired every time I did it.