[flickr id=”6030468849″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]A few weeks ago I posted about the debate we were going through. Should I work? Or not?
We weighed all the options. Debated what we would gain, what we would lose. There were negatives, for sure. There were fears about me actually getting back to work – and the possibility of hospital visits happening with the kids.
We thought of everything. We were certain of that.
So when I saw the position at the library I leaped at it. I WANTED it. I took it without thinking about hours. There was panic about being able to find childcare to cover my hours. There’s been a lot of me missing just being home for and with my family.
In the end, though…I’ve loved the job. There are SLOW days for sure…and days so busy my mind is just spinning with everything that needs to be done. While I’ve missed home, missed my family – I liked being out in public again. Having a reason to get dressed and put on makeup. Contributing to my family’s budget (not that I’ve seen a paycheck yet).
So yesterday as I was filling out paperwork for our all important magical insurance (that covers all things CF – especially the things that our stupid regular insurance does not – like $2500 meds) the realization hit me.
We didn’t think of everything.
I was forced into the realization that less than 2 full weeks into my job – I have to quit.
In the end my ‘extra’ income will hurt us far more than it will help us.
I spent yesterday a wreck. I had minor panic attacks all day.
My wonderful Archie when I was sobbing about how I liked the thought of contributing to the house, and that I felt good to be helping him with the “breadwinner” stress…told me that I contributed to the house by BEING here and making neat and calm and comfortable for his OCD-rattled brain after work. He soothed my stresses about our current financial status and how this was supposed to help.
In my panic and sadness over leaving a job I love he was my rock.
So thank you, Archie.
Even if I know you only love me for regularly clean sheets and floors (over the sporadic cleaning since I started work) 😉
Oh man, what a roller coaster!! :-/ It’s true though…even if you’re not bringing home a check, EVERYBODY contributes to the family. Sometimes the paycheck isn’t even the most important part. 🙂
I love you for much more than that….for instance, I love when it you cook for me because everything tastes better when you make it.
But seriously, you MAKE the house a home, and that means a lot to all of us. We all love you, and your place is very important to all of us, we wouldn’t surviv without you here. Keep your head up, you are very important.
Love you
I’m so sorry. It sucks that you were excited and that it was fun but it can’t work. That’s really hard.