The prompt this week is Wave.
Back with Deep Fried Sweethearts. Due to circumstance, my hero has undergone a bit of a name change. He is now Owen Montague – aka Tag. He’s still the same cute, sweet guy that applied for a job last week.
This week I jump to a bit later in the story…I haven’t written this far, but with the prompt of “wave”, this was one I got inspired by in not the usual way.
As always this is un-edited mostly, so forgive any errors:
Michaela gripped the phone buried in her coat pocket. She had no idea why she’d agreed to this. Her nose was cold, her toes were frozen, and she was nervous and fidgety and really, desperately wanted to check in on the shop again. Even though the game hadn’t started yet, the crowd in the arena performed the wave all the way around. She couldn’t bring herself to take part, though, her mind was back on The Midway.
“Here you go. One light beer.” Tag handed her a drink. “I got some nachos, a couple of hot dogs, some cotton candy and—”
“My God, Owen. What did you do, buy out the concession stand? I can’t even see your face.” She set down her beer in the cup holder and rose. From the top of the stack in his arms she grabbed the unsteady hot dogs and nachos off of the huge tub of popcorn.
He grinned and shrugged, nearly knocking over the popcorn and his own beer in the process. “I wanted to make sure we were set for the rest of the game. Now we just have to catch a beer vendor if we want more. I even got some subs in this box.”
When he lifted his hands she could see the box under the popcorn tub. In spite of herself, she laughed. “You’re insane, you know that?”
“I do. At least I know you can smile. I haven’t seen that in weeks.”
“Valentine ’s Day is in two weeks and I still haven’t come up with a good special candy for the holiday. Speaking of which, I should call.”
“No. No shop talk tonight. You agreed. You can’t call, you can’t text, you’re supposed to be enjoying yourself. I mean, come on. Look at these seats. Jake has the best season tickets, right in the neutral zone.” He managed to sit and settled the popcorn on the floor between them. “Now let me see your phone.”
“Oh no. You aren’t taking my phone.” She stuck her hand back in her pocket. “Not a chance. What if something happens?”
“Betty has my number, she’s going to call me.”
“No.”
“Kayla.”
Her protest died on her lips, and her heart skipped a beat of its own accord. “What did you call me?”
“Sorry.”
“No. Don’t be.” The familiar heat of a blush crept up her neck and she lifted her beer as a distraction. At least it was cold, and she could pass off the blush to the cold. “I just don’t know anyone that’s ever called me that before. It’s always Mikey.”
“I never liked that.”
“And I never liked Tag.” She sighed and leaned back in her seat.
“I promised you a night off, a night to relax. That’s what this is supposed to be about. You haven’t had a night off in three years. You’ve barely slept in the past year. Will you please give me your phone?”
“I don’t like this.” She begrudgingly pulled the phone out of her pocket. “But I do like the thought of relaxing for a change.”
“Good.” He took the phone and set it in his own pocket. When he opened his mouth next, the loud blare of the goal horn got the crowd on their feet to welcome the teams onto the ice. He shrugged and leaned in. “It’s not my favorite way to relax, but it’ll do.”
This time the fire of embarrassment climbed up her cheeks. Michaela ducked down in her seat and pulled the collar of her coat up high to cover it as best as she could.
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What a great excerpt! I really like the feel of these two.
Thanks, Vicki! I enjoy them too…almost breaks my heart to throw in their monkey wrench…almost 😉
your dialogue is so natural- nice writig
Thanks so much, Kathleen. I love writing dialogue. If I could, I’d write a story entirely in dialogue. lol
Love the flow of this piece
Thank you, Sherry!! I’m enjoying getting to know them!
I’m glad she finally gave in and handed over her phone. Wonder how long it’ll be before they relax the way he hinted at.
LOL. I don’t know, Lindsay. There is a very romantic holiday approaching for them…I can’t say if it will happen before or after, though 😉
Very nice! If this is your writing unedited, I’m jealous.
I love the interaction between these two. Completely believable. And I can feel the cold too …. and the heat.
Wow, thanks Trisha. 🙂 This is unedited, of course it was written in the middle of editing another story so I had edit notes branded into my brain. lol.
I’m glad you like them…I think Tag and Mikey are going to be so much fun to write.
NOICE …. as said above, great writing … I need a hint though, why is she embarrassed? What am I missing?
Thanks Iris!!
She’s embarrassed b/c of his “Not my favorite way to relax” line…because when she looks at him she can’t help but think dirty thoughts..and also? She embarrasses super easy. lol
I love their relationship and his silliness with the snack food. They seem like they have good chemistry
Hehe…thanks, Jillian. As I write more I think we’ll learn that Michaela needs some silliness in her life…so a younger man may be just what the doctor ordered…question is if her trust issues will override how good he is for her.
Love the way these two converse, the easy, friendly quality to their conversation. I can see the attraction building and peeping out in small ways. I love it!! Well done.
Thank you, Jean! I do love good dialogue, and these two seem easy to write. Glad you can see the hints of attraction peeping out…because it will spark into one heck of a flame soon enough 😉
Hey Sarah,
Great job on the scene. You nailed it. Tag is such a rascal.<3
Thanks, Morgan. I agree, Tag is definitely a rascal. I love him already.
Great excerpt.
I love these two together. I can’t wait to read more of them!