I had so much fun last week with the Weekend Writing Warriors that I decided to stick with it!
I’m sticking with the beginning – with [amazon_link id=”B00BEMN5SC” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Changing Tracks (The Dominion Falls Series book 1)[/amazon_link].
So, welcome again to my fellow warriors! I present to you a little more of my brothel/saloon owner Cole, and my amnesiac with the eidetic memory, Jane Doe.
In the same scene as last week, a little later. Jane is trying to get rid of the woman that runs the boarding house she’s been recuperating in so she might get to speak and act more freely. Cole thinks she’s being just a little too polite about it. (Creative editing in force to make it eight lines. Try not to cringe at the improper use of commas…they aren’t there in the actual book):
“Martha, you’re annoying.” He was a man of few words, while it was clear she was a woman of plenty.
“You’re an eloquent bastard, aren’t you?” The woman smirked, maybe just a bit annoyed at being interrupted, “You can’t be polite?”
“She won’t leave if you’re nice about it.” Cole leaned back, “You talk too much.”
This time she looked him over and he let her take her time. The more her gaze traveled, the more his skin tingled and his trousers tightened and by the time she finished, her mouth formed a slight O, “Thank you for your opinion.”
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Did you like this sample, too? You can pick up the first two books in the series! Book 3 (Dark Territory) comes out soon!!
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Head back on over to the Weekend Writing Warriors to read many more wonderful offerings!
Love the premise! And this final line was especially good: ‘The more her gaze traveled, the more his skin tingled and his trousers tightened and by the time she finished, her mouth formed a slight O.’ Awesome excerpt, Sarah!
LOL. The word play between these two is often just so much fun. Then again, that’s not the only thing that’s fun with them 😉
He was a man of few words, while it was clear she was a woman of plenty. – I think my hubby would say you just described us : ) This made me laugh! Nice eight, glad you decided to come back this week!
LOL! Funny, Millie! My hubs and I cannot say the same, but I love that you can. Jane proves Cole right on a few occasions through these books…she really is a woman of many words…but sometimes they even fail her.
“Thank you for your opinion.” I think she’s letting him off too easily here, but that’s just me. Interesting dialogue exchange between these two.
If that was the end of the scene, I might jsut agree with you, Frank. lol. Luckily, it’s far from the end…and they have many more chances to get under each others skin and play over the course of three books.
Hey, sometimes it’s hard to be rude to people–especially when you’re raised to be nice!
Still, she’ll have to be tough for her freedom. Maybe she can practice on Cole. 😉
LOL. She’s definitely a tough lady. Right now she’s recuperating, but she’s got a lot of fire in her. And I think much of her practice does come by being around Cole 😉 He’s mighty fun to practice on. Next week I’ll be showing one of my favorite little snippets. 😀
I love how you used the words to describe his body’s reaction to her eye stroll. creative use of the 8
Thanks, Michelle. Jane riles up many reactions in Cole…including ones he never expected. 😉
OOh, nice use of the 8’s. Isn’t it funny what a gal can do with just a long, roving look? Well done.
Thanks muchly, JA. It is hilarious how quick men are to react to those looks…it really gets them roving and we don’t have to do a thing 😉 lol.
Nice eight and great dialogue. I just love that last paragraph! And, I have to say, I really l like your website. Nicely done! 🙂
Yes, I agree with the other comments. So much going on in this 8. Great snippet.
Some sizzling chemistry between these two. 🙂
lol nice dialogue!
This sounds like a fun story! Love the eidetic amnesiac. 🙂
Your second sentence describes the interaction very well. No wonder they find each other annoying.
You’ve described some interesting characters here, and I enjoyed how they interact. Well done!
Love this: He was a man of few words, while it was clear she was a woman of plenty. Fantastic banter! 😀
You packed a lot into those sentences. Love how heated that look is. Great snippet!