Way back when this picture was taken I sure thought I was good at this. (Picture credit goes to my mom who had the fancy camera way back then…in FILM *Gasp*)
Back, 14 years ago, when Denver was only 2. When I only had the one. When my co-parent was my own parents. When the biggest problem I dealt with was chronic BM issues (yeah, he’ll kill me if he ever reads this). When he was cute and adorable and obedient and kind and polite.
When life was “easy”.
Now there are three.
There is school. Homework. Teachers. Doctors. Specialists. Special Medicines. Bills. Cleaning. THREE kids. Doctors. THREE kids. Quirks. Hospitals. Marriage. Home repairs. Car maintenance. Cleaning. THREE kids.
Oh, did I repeat myself once or twice? Yeah. I know.
I don’t want to use the term “bad mother”…because, you know…it’s such a debate trigger.
Sometimes, though. Sometimes I look at myself and I see that I’m not good at this.
I don’t have patience.
I don’t have answers.
I don’t do the things that you’re supposed to. I love to read to myself, but get bored reading to my kids (shameful, I know).
I don’t have patience.
I don’t check homework every day after school.
I always miss deadlines for snack week, permission slips, all those things.
I don’t have patience.
I don’t give my kids daily baths. Or every couple of days. (But in my defense, my baths were 1x/week)
I use the TV as a babysitter.
I’m online too much (I’m trying to do better…some days I do better than others).
I don’t have patience.
…..
Are we detecting a common theme?
Sometimes I wonder what part of my brain actually thought growing up that I would grow into this ‘perfect’ mom. I saw myself doing it all. Crafts, dinner, cleaning…the perfect little household.
My ‘perfect’ has redefined itself into something that feels far from perfect for me.
It’s a process.
I’m working on redefining myself as a mom.
To snap less. To breathe and have patience. To do more cleaning. More cooking. Making sure I’m more involved in what my kids are doing in school.
I want to feel like I’m good at being a mom. Like I DESERVE the title. EVERY day. Not just now & then.
I’m pretty sure you don’t suck at this. I’m pretty sure you are a great mom, and an amazing role model because you:
1) are honest
2) recognize your faults
3) admit your shortcomings
4) try to improve
Sounds like as a parent, you are knocking this one out of the park.
Glad I found you from BlogHer- Signed another mom with medically complex kids (who also should probably clean more , snap less and breathe too!)
Thank you, Kim. It’s always nice to meet another mother in the fray of complex medical kids. Your words mean a lot in the midst of my rough day so thank you.
You sound like an awesome mom.
Thank you, Leah. Thanks for stopping by.
There is no such thing as a perfect mother. I have accepted this too. My kids are teenagers now and I everyday is a new lesson in parenting. Hang in there and have fun along the way. That is my mantra these days. Take care. 🙂
Coming in form NaBloPoMo. 🙂
Thanks, Jyothi! (Love your name, BTW). I’m so glad you stopped by today.
~nods~ I’ve got one teen and my two pre-teens. It feels like it’s getting harder…but I love them to death and can only hope I’m doing right by them.
Oh girl. I can relate to this over and over and over again. I am sure in the moment, after the moment, sometimes before the moment that I’m not only screwing my girls up but that I am an awful human being too. It is a daily – minute by minute, hour by hour – battle for me to make the choice that’s best for us all. *sigh*
Pretty sure that all of the time, you’re doing a good job at this. You care. You recognize areas which you want to improve. You love, you try and like you said, you progress.
I’ve seen you with those THREE kids and you are a great mother. They love you and so do I
I now have to profess my undying love because you said you don’t love reading books to your kids. I love reading. I want my kid to love reading. But nothing will put me to sleep faster than reading out loud.
Found you through Blogher nablomosopososfn(bunch of letters I never remember) challenge