Like all of us here, I love romance, but like happiness, romance can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. As I get older I feel more comfortable with examinging my need for romance and what I like when I like it, and particularly how my needs for romance change. I loved Valantines Day when I was young, for example, but my opinion on that has changed somewhat, and I’d prefer something more spontaneous at this end of a long term marriage.
However, and this is the difficulty with romance, discussing your romantic needs seems antithetical to receiving them. Seeing hubby walk through the door with a huge bunch of roses is completely different to getting a bunch after telling him I’d like him to bring flowers home more often. Romance can be a delicate thing and nuances, attitudes and circumstances can completely alter the same gesture. I don’t expect my husband to just know what I need in any area of my life, and at the same time, the most romantic moments for me, are when I’ve done nothing to solicit his romantic action.
So, part of romance, is learning how to receive what he is offering as well as getting what I want. My husband likes to make me mix tapes of music he is listening to. We don’t always share the same tastes, but I love those music collections, because I feel as though I have been invited into his secret world, as if he is reaching out to me and bringing me close. They’ve also become a map of our marriage, as we tend to play his latest gift for a solid week or so after he gives it. If a new partner asked me what I like romantically, music mixes might not be at the top of the list, but when they come from my husband, my heart bursts with joy.
So, in the spirit of trying to communicate what our best romantic gestures are, I thought this Top Ten Tuesday on Sarah’s Story Lines will be a ten favourite romantic gestures, in the hope you might make your own, and start the conversation in a gentle way that wakes us up to the romance we need, as well as the romance that might already be all around us.
10. Public declarations of love.
Like everyone, I get insecure every now and then. I love it when my husband, rather than enjoy my insecurity, seeks to reassure me by telling a pretty woman who is trying to flirt with him, how much he loves me, or reaching for me to introduce me to her. These petty rivalries exist (sometimes) between women, and I love it when my husband chooses me, over and over again, above all other women.
9. Saving for a romantic holiday.
I’m a traditionalist in this department. I love Paris, Rome, London and New York. When we decide we’re going to go to one of these cities, and we plan it, get excited, gather resources and set up a fund account, I get so excited and every little moment is like a huge romantic gesture. (We’ve only done this twice, but I’m hoping there will soon be a third.)
8. Long slow deep kisses.
Especially when either of us walk though the door at the end of the day. No further explanation required.
7. Food and Wine gifts
He doesn’t do it all the time, but one of hubby’s romantic gestures I’ve come to love and appreciate, is when he is home late, he brings something to contribute to dinner, like a bottle of wine, a loaf of excellent sour dough, or two delicate pastries. It’s his little way of acknowledging I work too and I had to steer our ship alone today.
6. Looking at our Wedding Photos Together.
This is one I asked for, but he now knows that we do it each year on our anniversary. We snuggle up in bed and go through the wedding album. He focusses and engages with me and we talk about the year we’ve just had. I love these moments, and they end up being the best part of every one of our anniversaries.
5. Booking a beautiful restaurant for no reason
Confession time. I’m still working on this one. For some reason I am always the one who suggests the restaurant and the night out. But I’ll get there! I have to think of a way to let him know this is something I would like, without feeling like I forced him.
4. Sitting and Chatting about our day
This one he does quite a lot. If he comes home and I am cooking, he opens the wine he bought and we sip and chat. He doesn’t run off somewhere else, and I am always so grateful for that. We both work hard, so we have a lot to chat about in our day. It’s never dull and we both feel a close part of it all when we do settle down to eat or get on with something else.
3. Note and Pics
For some reason, my hubby likes to leave me photos. I’m still not completely sure what this is about, but he will change my desktop or photocopy images and leave them around for me. Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they are just something nice he saw. I have grown to love these little cartoons, jokes and other images, even though I confess, sometimes I wonder where his head is at.
2. Buying me a book or Journal.
Being a writer books and journals are my very favourite gift. This is one I taught my husband, but he’s really good at it now. He just keeps an eye out and about once a month or so there is a new journal and about every two months, he pops home with a book for me. The best thing is, they’re not always books I would choose, but I try to read every single one. It’s my way of saying thanks.
1. Mixed tape.
This has to be my number one, because my digital mixed tapes are such a big gift.
What are some of your favourite romantic gestures?
Barbra Novac is a writer of erotic romance, and erotica. Spellbound is her new book, coming out in April 2013.
Blurb:
When struggling film maker Connie Berringer goes to her local to drown her financial sorrows in cheap wine, mysterious stranger Jack Sinclair offers to buy her a drink claiming she’s beautiful. She begrudgingly accepts to ease her wallet, but is too smart to be fooled by the line. When the drink arrives, it’s not a beer, but a fifty-thousand dollar bottle of Grange Hermitage. Connie’s interest in Jack Sinclair dramatically changes, only to find he’s vanished.
Over the next few days Jack will turn up at the most unexpected moments rapidly becoming a crucial part of Connie’s world, and soon, an exciting adventure in the bedroom. Connie discovers a self in Jack’s arms she never knew, including the depths of passion she is capable of and the lengths Jack will go to stimulate that passion. Jack sees something in Connie he wants, but his search for it in the past will come back to haunt him, resurfacing as a threat to the new relationship he’s found.
Sophisticated, erotic, witty and tantalising, Spellbound reaches into the broad sweep of the soul from the suspenseful drama of a homage to Hitchcock to the slow ticklish thrill of a completely romantic romance.
You can find our more about Barbra Novac at www.barbranovac.com or www.barbrawrites.com
Hi Sarah – and thanks for having me on the blog. It was great fun working out my list of romantic gestures that I love, and it’s always fun to remember how romantic my dude is – even when he’s not! 🙂
Your blog is a great resource for discovering lots of writers, but most of all its a great place to get to know you.
Thanks again for having me.
PS – Spellbound comes out in April 2014… I think I sent you the wrong date. (groan)