I’ve never been a confident person (except on the stage).
I’ve never had that “it” factor that makes people popular, and I’ve never understood it.
I remember all too well the pain of being left out. The last called. The one no one liked. The one called “nerd”. The one told, by the one she thought was her best friend “I don’t like you,” after a bone-deep betrayal.
The pain that cuts deep in the eyes of youth. The pain that lingers long into adulthood and taints memories for years to come.
I remember so clearly the torture of late elementary and middle school. I was terrified to send my boy to middle school because of my experiences (but he survived unscathed).
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Out of all my kids, I never thought I’d have to worry about Kennedy.
Despite her quirks and tendency toward tempers, she’s a bright and shiny, happy girl. One I thought was brimming with confidence and cheer.
I never thought she would look at me with tear-filled eyes and whimper those heart-wrenching words…
“Nobody likes me. They won’t play with me. They said they wouldn’t be my friend anymore.”
A shot to the heart that brought up so much pain for myself.
Worse, because it’s my baby.
And I want to fix it.
But is it fixable? How?
After a few weeks of contemplation, discussion, and talking, I attempted to email the teacher. I explained the situation, what had been told to us, with the full acknowledgment that I knew sometimes K’s temper could be a stepping stone. I asked the teacher for HER insights and observations…if she’d noticed anything. The only response? The guidance counselor calling to suggest Kennedy be placed in “Friendship Group” again…a group she’s been in every year that’s designed to help kids w/ issues making friends for various reasons.
No insights.
No help.
K seems happier now. She’s said that her friends agreed to be her friends again.
But I watch.
And I wait.
Praying that she comes out the other end on the good side of the emotional wall.
Knowing that I’ll be there whatever happens. Either with deep understanding of her pain, or joy that she has a freedom and happiness I never felt.
*~*
Written for Things I can’t Say’s Pour Your Heart Out
I too remember the pain and pit falls of being a girl in middle school and high school. The social nuances eluded me as well. I still carry issues from that time.
I hope your little girl navigates it as unscathed as she can.
Thank you, Vandy. I just never had the social prowess my brother did and I’ve never achieved it. I’m stil amazed that I have friends at all these days (more than I did back then). I do hope she comes out of it better than I did. I just have to hope her sparkling side ends up stronger.
Oh this is so heart wrenching! My daughter has said this to me as well and I hate for her to ever feel that she isn’t enough. She is just so darn shy sometimes. For me, it was high school that was so brutal.
It’s so painful when it’s them saying it, isn’t it, Katie? I hope both of our girls come through it with a little less brutality than we did.
oh my heart! I worry for my daughter because I was bullied in school and don’t want that for her. They are our babies and we want to protect them but we also want to give them independence. I so know what you’re feeling. It’s unfortunate that the school wasn’t more helpful.
The pains of bullying never truly leave us, do they? I feared the same for my son, but I know girls are infinitely meaner. They always have been.
I’ve been upset about the lack of assistance from her teacher…and not quite sure what to do with it. I’ve been wrestling with it, but so long as she’s currently happy, I’ve let it go.
I felt this in middle school. So very much. It was an awful feeling. I think it’s worse with girls because girls do sometimes randomly decide not to like someone, for no real reason. And it’s so painful. I hope your daughter finds that space where she’s comfortable.
It’s so true, Shell. That’s how it happened to me. I was fine, and then one day it all changed. I know for my K it’s been ‘one day we’re friends the next we’re not’. It’s pure torture for a girl…I hate that she goes through it. Thank you, I hope all our children find that space.
Middle school is rough. I remember having difficulties myself, but I came out of it fine. Hang in there, she’ll figure it out. And she’ll be okay in the end.
Thank you, Mo. I hope you’re right. That’s all I want is for her to be okay. 🙂