[flickr id=”8012255308″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”] Molly: Kennedy’s not eating breakfast
Kennedy *with that cheesy grin*: I’m eating in my mind.
*~*
Oh, if only that would work. Dieting would be so much easier and i’d be so much thinner.
[flickr id=”5066025517″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]I tend to cycle.
One minute I’m wrapped up in one thing – and that one thing is all that matters.
Time passes in the periphery.
When life is busy my brain is chaos. Everything runs through it, meanwhile staying focused on one thing.
Right now that one thing is Kennedy. Between her weight issues, now compounded by a positive strep culture (& the antibiotics that come with), and her upcoming SSI appeal hearing…I’m a little consumed.
Of course in the mean time I still have Denver & his weight (also a concern, but not as severe), and his school and Scouts (& whether or not he’ll remain in Scouts), and Cross country. And Molly and her school stuff, and her increasing ‘moments’.
The husband has had some developments and turns in his recent struggles. We are doing amazingly better, but new stuff is popping up to deal with in that department. We’re taking it all one step at a time and might even be ready to talk about it soon.
October is also filling up with blogging activities (oh, I am going to be joyously busy). Of course the holidays are coming close on Octobers heels.
Let’s not even get into all I need to do for my writing. I’m up to my eyeballs in stuff right now that isn’t getting done, and stuff that is.
Needless to say I feel like my head is going to explode when I don’t force myself into tunnel vision. So for now I focus on Kennedy because it’s easier and appear to be the most drastic. It’s easier to focus on stuffing her face and meeting with the lawyer because it’s right in front of me and simpler than some of the other stuff.
So for now I focus on her…maybe the other stuff will be resolved by the time I’m done with that.
It could be…right?
[flickr id=”6367108607″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]You work diligently on a piece. At times you’re almost frantic.
You edit. Refine. Perfect.
You send it off into the world.
Breathe a sigh of relief.
And freeze.
What next?
You have to wait.
Sometimes it’s days, others it’s months or even years (I waited almost 2 years for a reply on a full before throwing in the towel – not without hesitation and sadness).
What next?
Sure they tell you to dive into the next thing.
It should be that easy.
Unless you know – the wait is only a couple of weeks. Maybe a month.
When you’re waiting for each email alert.
It’s easy to get distracted.
Facebook. Twitter. Blog posts. Real life.
Sleep. Oh, sleep is beautiful.
No beating yourself over the head to write, or edit, to make each sentence shine.
You miss it – but oh the break is nice. It’s only a few weeks anyway. Who cares if you take a break?
Except you miss it.
The break is stupid.
But how can you write when you’re distracted by email alerts? Facebook games (just ONE more quest…then I’ll write. Oh, wait – that quest is easy, one more. I swear it.).
It’s time to regain focus. Time goes too slow when you’re waiting on word.
It’s best to get lost in a new world.
Meet new friends (i.e. Characters).
How do you do it? What tricks do you use to regain focus?
Me? Well, I’m dropping my Facebook games. I don’t need them clogging up my feed anyway. I’ll just keep one game that doesn’t clog my feed and takes forever to regain lives. That means I need to focus and get back on my schedule. I have plenty more stories in my head that need to come out.
But just one more quest before I quit…
Just one….
[flickr id=”5026755818″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]I used to be a night owl.
I could stay up all night and function like a human the next day.
Of course, this was before children 2 & 3 (but as recent as 8 years ago).
I would stay up until 3AM and be up at 6AM to get ready for work & school & out the door. I’ve never been a morning person, but I would function and be almost perky by 9.
After the kids, I started losing ground. It’s now to the point where if I’m not in bed by 11PM most nights (9 or 10 sometimes), I can’t function in the morning. I’m still not a morning person but boy do I need sleep.
Last night I went through my usual routine. Shut everything down, went to bed at 11.
Tossed and turned for an hour and a half before I gave up.
Came out to the couch and turned on the TV. Waited until I couldn’t keep my eyes open (2AMish) and turned it off.
Rolled over and WHAM.
Wide awake again.
Short of it, I didn’t fall asleep until 4:30AM and woke up with my alarm at 5:30AM.
I’m so tired I stopped writing this post 2 hours ago and promptly forgot about it thinking I’d already posted.
Insomnia?
It sucks.
[flickr id=”8012257268″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]Since birth the girls have been tiny. Hell, all my kids rock the bottom of the growth chart. Always. It’s in their genes. Up until 3 kids & a hysterectomy totally made my body go haywire I had insane metabolism. I remember hours spent in my pediatrician/allergists office playing with the toys he had on display while he discussed my growth chart (and how I was well below 0%tile) with my mom.
It’s a familiar theme.
One that in standard circumstances is a concern, but not panic inducing.
We eat.’
Tons of food.
We just don’t gain.
Metabolism rocks until it actually works against us. And trust me, as a teenager being asked if you’re anorexic when you eat like a horse is NOT fun. It really sucks.
But this goes beyond personal suckage.
When you combine Cystic Fibrosis with the words Failure to Thrive.
You get a heap of shit-panic-stuff-the-kids-faces-until-they-can’t-eat-any-more to deal with.
Back in June both my CF kids rocked the weight chart. For the first time ever the nutritionist said “we dont’ have anything to worry about here, keep doing what you’re doing. They look great.”
For the first time in her entire life Kennedy looked AMAZING. In the 10th%ile for BMI 10th! Dude, in this family that is some serious awesomeness. Worth celebrating.
Now, just 3 months later we’ve stalled. Flatlined. Kennedy gained almost nothing in the past 3 months. Her BMI is back at the bottom, in below the 5th%ile. Amazing how fast the growth chart swoops up to wipe away previous progress.
Again, in an average situation we’d not panic. But now we have 2 months to get meat on her bones.
2 months. Make sure at school she’s allowed extra snacks, extra time at lunch to finish. whatever it takes.
If we don’t put meat on her bones, they put a g-tube in her belly.
In a society where everything is marketed to keep obesity at bay.
I have to find ways to put weight ON my kids. Lots of it.
So that we can avoid the g-tube. The g-tube is not welcome here.