by Sarah | Oct 20, 2011 | All About Erik
I’m sure you all remember Archie. My husband of 9 years now.
He’s been a little absentee in mentions lately here on the blog (our anniversary notwithstanding, of course). Not for lack of events revolving around him – just the opposite, actually. He’s going through a few changes of his own. In deeply personal and dark struggles of his own.
For those that didn’t know, Archie struggles with severe depression. For most of his life he’s been on medication for depression or bipolar disorder.
Every medication has side effects. Many medications are addictive. Some medications make the anger part of depression go into extremes. Some just make you more depressed then when you began. Others still give you horrible hallucinations until you’re sure you’re going to go insane. Many medications eventually lose their effectiveness. Especially for someone that has always been on meds.
Recently Archie went in to see about finding a more effective medication. In a now familiar pattern he was weaned off one, and started on another. The new medication is one that’s very new on the depression scene. The side effects listed were a bit scary, but from everything we read it seemed a 50/50 shot that he’d get them.
Unfortunately, he did.
All of them.
The worst was the nightmares. Nightmares so extreme he didn’t sleep for 3 days.
One night he woke from a nightmare only to continue in it with waking nightmares – hallucinations so severe I was terrified for him.
That medication was immediately weaned off and we’re onto another one.
The constant change is painful to him.
Physically painful. Stressful on his body.
On his mind.
On his soul.
Struggling to get through until we know if the meds will even help. To be “normal” so that the kids don’t see the severity of his pain…and sometimes failing. If he has a bad day, the guilt layers on top of what he goes through.
He’s hurting.
I know he is, and I know there is nothing I can do for him. Except continue to love him, and be there when he needs me. And wait by his side for the upside down to become right side up again.
by Sarah | Oct 20, 2011 | Challenge, The Tribe
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“I’d really rather go out and find us a fresh kill than eat this.”
Velli rolled her eyes and handed him the chop sticks, “You’re three hundred years old. You’ve never eaten sushi?”
“Not on your life.” With a low growl, Kane grabbed the chopsticks and poked at the assemblage of rolls and nigiri on his plate. “What is that?”
“Use your nose and tell me.”
“It all smells like Lake Erie in the seventies.”
“You’re an uncouth oaf.” Velli dipped her roll in wasabi and held it out to him, “Eat. You’ll like it.”
“There’s a beak in it.”
“It’s a carrot, you dope. Eat.”
His nose wrinkled and his mouth twisted into a tight curl. The longer it sat in front of his face, the higher his lip curled up. “No. I’ll wait, Shift tonight and get something more appetizing.”
“The big tough man is afraid of a little sushi.” A giggle escaped and she stuffed the roll in her mouth. With a sigh, she sat back in her chair. “You’ve eaten fresh fish from the river.”
“Only when we were in Werewolf territory and all the local game was in hiding. I was desperate and it took all of our effort not to throw it back up.”
“Then eat that one. There’s no seafood in it.”
“The scent transfers the taste.”
“You should Shift into a chicken.”
“I just don’t get why we had to eat here when there’s a perfectly good steak house across the street.” Once again his chop sticks poked at the nigiri in front of him.
“Because you want me happy. I haven’t had sushi in weeks. I want sushi.” The moment he opened his mouth to protest she shoved a california roll in his mouth. “Now shut up and eat. Unless you want to have a very cold bed tonight.”
For a moment it looked like he was going to spit the food back out. His body wrenched when his gag reflex kicked in. There was no chewing, only one large gulp as he swallowed it whole. “I ought to spank you for that.”
“Really? Oh goody…let me do it again.”
*~*~*~*~*
***Same characters as last week’s post. I loved this prompt but was at a loss as to what to write for it. Then my friend and alpha-reader suggested these two arguing. It worked really well 😀
****Image Source****
by Sarah | Oct 19, 2011 | All of Us, Crap, Random
I’ve never done well with change.
I like to know what’s going on, and unknowns really get under my skin.
But life is about change. Growing. Accepting. Living.
All of my kids are in school now. Only half day for one, but she’s my baby and by this time next year it will be full days of quiet.
The quiet time is nice. I get more done. Not all day every day. But more.
This week has been a week of sticking my neck out.
I put in a job application. It’s for a job I really, really want. It’s so close to home I could walk to work (nice weather permitting). The hours are excellent. It’s in a library. And me and books? Well, we get along so well. Thing is, I haven’t had a job in about five years. Part of me doesn’t want to go back to work. Another part of me is excited at the thought. A bigger part of me knows that me NOT working is no longer an option. I have to.
I submitted some writing to several places. Hoping it gets accepted and printed. It’s not a lot, but I’m trying to get myself to where I write more than long novels and try to get my name out there.
My oldest is a teen. He’s asking for facebook. Looking at girls. He’s already had his first heartbreak.
The girls are getting bigger. Expanding their circle of knowledge and friends. It’s led to some difficult situations, some behavioral problems. But they are changing every day.
I’ve started going to PTO meetings. Me? I’m not a PTO mom. I never have been. I just think that I need to be now.
In this fall season it feels like things are in a state of flux. Changing and shifting before I’ve given them permission. Our days are full and it’s so difficult to sit down and absorb anything.
Just for a little while I’d like to sit back and watch the colors change.
by Sarah | Oct 16, 2011 | 100 Words, Challenge
It’s never ending.
More. Better. Bigger. Nicer.
What’s in front of us. What’s right here. It’s never enough.
Someone else always has something better. Something nicer. Something WE want.
How do they do it when we struggle so much? How did they get that new car? How come we never get ahead?
Every time we get a toe-hold, the rocks crumble to dust and we fall again.
Stuck between not enough, and without anything.
Then we turn.
See their bright faces.
The smiles and sparkling eyes.
Asking us to play. To hug. To love.
Then. Only then.
We are satisfied.
****
For the first time ever, I wrote this to its conclusion…stopped…hit word count…and it was 100 words exactly. Without trying, editing or effort. Now I am the one satisfied 😉
Please, visit Velvet’s site to check out other more worthy entries…
by Sarah | Oct 15, 2011 | Photography, Scavenger Hunt Sunday, Show & Tell, Weekly Winners
All taken w/ Canon Rebel XS.
I was pretty much elsewhere in my head this week. I got most of these at the absolute last minute…like tonight (Saturday night). Hoping for a much more creative week next week.
1. Abstract
What is a weed? A plant whose virtures have never been discovered. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Counsel woven into the fabric of real life is wisdom. ~Walter Benjamin
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2. Round
Music is the harmonious voice of creation; an echo of the invisible world. ~Giuseppe Mazzini
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I had a few ideas for round. My headphones were my favorite. I wear them all the time when I’m writing. They’re also my salvation when hubby is watching horrible scary movies.
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars. ~Og Mandino
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Our end table lamp is so perfectly round I had to use it. I wish I’d been able to get my camera high enough to get the outer ring too. But I love that the bulb is a circle within the circle of the lampshade.
3. Fire
If you don’t light fires, smoke won’t get in your eyes. ~German Proverb
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From a little spark may burst a flame. ~Dante Alighieri
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4. Faces in Unusual Places
This is another one I struggled with. Then tonight in one of her fits, Angel decided to hide her face IN the couch. It hit me, that was a face in an unusual place. Yeah, it’s a stretch, but really…I had nothing.
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5. Stars
Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars. ~Henry Van Dyke
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When it is darkest, men see stars. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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A Simple Thing:
My simple thing for this week is my Riley. The girls is a future model. The camera loves her, and every time it’s pointed even close to her direction, she posing. This was at Brandon’s last cross country meet. She saw me with the camera and it was five minutes of constant motion, posing and turning, and posing again.
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You can find more pictures over at my flickr account.
Scavenger Hunt Sunday is run by the beautiful Ashley. Head on over to see more Hunters.
