by Sarah | May 23, 2012 | All About Denver, All About Family, All About Kennedy, All About Learning, All About Me, All About Molly, Crap, Random
[flickr id=”6987996541″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]One week.
That week includes a three day weekend.
And the kids are out for summer.
10 weeks.
I’m both filled with dread and…
Um…joy? Fear?
Well whatever it is, I’m filled with it.
We have plans, quite a few of them. It will pass quickly.
It will probably pass even faster because I will most likely be employed again by the end of the month. Part time. VERY close to home (like walking distance) and w/ hours that will let me meet the kids at the bus and kiss them at night before bed. Also, once school starts again I’ll still have a few days a week home w/ no kids.
No kids.
All the school day long.
How many days until school starts again?
by Sarah | May 17, 2012 | All About Denver, Cystic Fibrosis, Special Needs
[flickr id=”7215498312″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]It has been barely a year since the diagnosis. It has been almost a year and a half since we started the journey – all because of another round of pneumonia.
Since the diagnosis illness has kept its clammy hands away.
For the first time since the diagnosis, Denver is sick.
It started as what appeared like an allergy but quickly devolved. A mild fever, and an ugly cough. More coughing. Then more.
In a wonderful coincidence there was already an appointment scheduled. So yesterday he went. At the hospital all day running standard yearly tests. Waiting, still coughing, still sniffling, until he could see the doctor.
Within two minutes of her walking in the room she heard the cough. The look on her face said it all – it was ugly.
There is crackling in his lungs (the mucous) and it’s visible on the x-ray.
For now he is home on heavy doses of steroids and antibiotics. The instructions we are used to for the little one now apply to him. “Call if there’s any change” and “Come back in a month” have been said. Unlike her he can take full on pills (HUGE pills, blech), and most of his care is in his own hands. I mean, what teen wants their mom snuggling and coddling them?
There is nothing to panic about. He intends to go out and go through his “Ordeal” for the Order of the Arrow in Scouts despite his illness with his drugs in hand. Just like the diagnosis he’s not letting it slow him down (Did I mention he kicked butt in Track & Field this year? No? Well…he DID).
Still there’s that part of me that always panics. Deep down where I keep it hidden I wonder how/if this will affect the strength of his lungs. If it will change the depth of his illness (currently he’s ‘atypical’ and we like to keep it that way). His lung functions yesterday were horribly bad, so how will he get through his “Ordeal” this weekend…and forcing myself to not be ‘that mom’…especially given the name and motto of this blog (living life beyond our labels gets really damn hard sometimes).
Part of me wonders if he has that internal panic too. Wishes that if he did he would talk to me about it.
But he is a teen. He is stubborn. He keeps things close to the breast.
And he laughs in the face of CF (when laughing doesn’t throw him into a fit of coughing, that is…).
by Sarah | Apr 30, 2012 | All About Denver, All About Erik, All About Kennedy, All About Me, All About Molly, All of Us, Crap, Random, The Teenager
[flickr id=”5888961016″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]We have had birthday parties, track meets, doctor appointments and chaos the past few days. While I try to get my head on straight (and work on the blog redesign ~cough~) I’m going to have a little fun with some random subjects of note.
* Thank you for all of your well-wishes for Erik. The doctor appointment went really well. While he does have to go back next year for another endoscopy, the doctor isn’t overly concerned with the findings. As far as Erik’s continuing symptoms we are on a “Try a little of this…then try a little of that” program. We’re hoping to find something that works and eases his symptoms.
* Yesterday I finished the (final) self-edits on my novel ~insert cheering and mad boogie dancing on my part~. That means I will begin work on the site redesign pretty hard-core in the next couple of weeks. I plan on a new round of submissions and I want this site to shine by then. The first changes I make will be mostly cosmetic changes. After that I’ll be working on more functional changes, but they’ll happen once the feel of the site has been updated.
* Teaching a teenager accountability and empathy is HARD ~insert whining here~.
* My Kennedy has proven finally that she comes from the husbands blood line She may look just like me…but lately she has been obsessed with cleaning. That is SO not me.
* We had the girls family birthday party yesterday. They got so many cute clothes…I’m so jealous! My SIL and MIL got them a ton of new little outfits – and then both my Mom and SIL on my side got them clothes too. We have full closets and the girls cannot WAIT for the warm weather to come back so they can start wearing the skirts upon skirts that they got.
* Hubby bought an elliptical. I hate the elliptical…but having it sit in my little house, I actually use it because I feel crappy if it just takes up all that room for nothing. Between that and my continuing love/hate relationship w/ Jillian Michaels & her exercise DVD’s I may just start feeling good about myself again. Maybe.
* I swear, I will be talking about the Bloggy Boot Camp experience soon, after all it is a 45X45 item…but between my straight focus on my novel the past week & the fact that I’m still trying to process everything that went on that day, it’s been relegated to a “Very soon” post. Hopefully before the end of the week.
* I have a new job application sitting in my kitchen. It’s a job I’m certain I’ll be able to get (I’m super friendly w/ the managers at this place). It’s just a matter of “Can I” and “Should I”. This time I have to very carefully weigh all of the factors and not forget one like I did last year when I tried to work. I have some new factors to consider this time around, ones that may seal the deal.
*Speaking of jobs, I also have a chance at another possible opportunity. It’s something that I have to write up a proposal for and see where it goes. It would be helping out someone local and that really excites me. I just need to sit down and write…especially since that’s part of what I’ll be doing for her…writing. LOL.
* Did I mention that raising teenagers is HARD?? ~headdesk~
by Sarah | Apr 20, 2012 | All About Denver, The Teenager, Track
[flickr id=”6083043811″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]Last year Denver begrudgingly signed up for Track. Cross Country only runs in the fall, and this gave him a spring sport. He ended up on all of the longer runs, but struggled with the shorter runs compared to XC.
This year?
The kid is killing it. Beating all of his best times regularly and placing in a good portion of the races he’s in!!
The best part? Seeing him proud of his accomplishments – the improving times at every race. His most important race is against his own time.
We’re proud of him, too. Never thought I’d raise a runner – but he’s one heck of one!!!
by Sarah | Apr 15, 2012 | All About Denver, All About Family, All About Me, Crap, The Teenager
[flickr id=”7082358983″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]Twenty years ago it was me. Standing in the kitchen facing up for teenage versions of crimes. For lies.
Tonight in the oddest form of a time warp my mother’s voice transported twenty years into the future and emerged from my own lips.
“I don’t understand why you continue to lie. You always get caught. Don’t you think you should learn by now?”
I never did learn. Not for quite a few years.
I fear my son will hold onto the lies with the same stubbornness. I want so much better for him.
Better than the strange consuming urge I once had to lie. I never did good at rebellion. I feared the consequences of rebellion too much. I feared hurting my mother. To this day I still rarely curse in front of my parents.
My one form of rebellion was lying. It became an urge, a need. Not until it once almost ruined my marriage did I learn to let go.
Like always I hope for better things for my children.
For now my mother’s words and the punishment of removing his distractions and pleasures one by one have to suffice. Lessons need to be learned – but each one is a blow.
Now only 20 years later can I begin to comprehend that my Mom told the truth when she said “This hurts me as much as it hurts you.”
by Sarah | Apr 12, 2012 | All About Denver, All About Family, Crap, The Teenager, WTF?
[flickr id=”5888954984″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]The tween-into-teenage years were a nightmare for me. Labeled as a nerd, unpopular – oh, my I still have nightmares about middle school. Tortured, lost – it battered my low self-esteem into a pulpy puddle of goo.
In high school – once we moved 527 miles away to Indiana – I found friends. I had a group that I became a part of where I belonged and I still talk to some of them today. As an adult I can say that I’m grateful for the internet as it has allowed me to expand my circle of friends. My best friend is someone I met online, and I would never have met my Geek-Girl peeps without the power of this internet world we live in.
I never thought I would be the one saying…
THANK HEAVENS I DIDN’T HAVE THE INTERNET IN MIDDLE/HIGH SCHOOL.
Because, really. Thank heavens I didn’t.
Now that the teen is on the internet we’re having to create a new set of rules. From “Mom has access to ALL your accounts, and you’d better remember that” to “Don’t post intentionally hurtful things.”
For a while things got ugly. Internet privileges and the iPod have been revoked until proper ‘netiquette’ has been learned.
It’s a process that we are all learning together.
I am very glad I didn’t have to worry about such things at that age. It’s hard enough being a teen without everything happening at the speed of internet.
