Or, as we like to call her, Sadie.
As an unexpected treat, we get our favorite visitor coming back this week.
Sadie, lovely Sadie, gets to become our unexpected house guest again for a few weeks.
We’ll all be happy to have her back.
For while our house has less hair breeding with the dust-bunnies to make giant beasts of fur and dust….and maybe a little less dog-gas.
It has felt a little empty without her here.
Time is moving fast these days.
When I would like to sit back and breathe it in.
There are great things happening.
There are frightening things happening.
There are moments I want to hide away and pretend the world doesn’t exist.
And moments I want to just sit and enjoy.
When I was growing up I wished I was older. I wished I could do things I was too young for. I wished to be grown up.
Now I just wish for time to slow. For the days to not rush by in a whirlwind of activity and necessity.
Just yesterday I had a six year old son and was realizing that I might just be pregnant with Molly.
Now my son is a teenager, my daughters are almost 8 & 7. My marriage is ten years old. This blog is seven (really?).
We’ve gone from one neurotypical son to three special needs children.
They’ve grown up and are declaring independence and having dreams of their own (A doctor! A model! A teacher! Oh my.).
My husband has had his struggles and we’ve had ours together.
What I wouldn’t give for a chance to take my family outside of the home equation and give us time away. It isn’t in the cards this year, it never seems to be..and we’re running out of time.
Time that is moving way too fast.
Because soon, Denver will be in college. The girls in high school.
And we’ll blink and they’ll have their own lives.
Can we slow it down?
Just for a few days?
On the morning of April 19th, 2005 I had only a vague knowledge of the Papal Election that was occurring.
I had an appointment with the OB that day, which held far more interest to me. At 38 weeks, that due date was fast approaching.
Much to our surprise (and excitement), the OB sent us right to the hospital. Molly hadn’t grown at all in 4 weeks and he was concerned – and I was already in (very early) early labor so we were having an induction.
I got to the hospital, got prepped and hooked up.
Turned on the TV.
And smoke.
All day long, all over the TV was the smoke in Rome and was it white? What was going on? Our Catholic nurse kept popping in to see what was happening.
Once the election was complete and the white smoke blew, that’s all that could be found. News on the new pope and who it was and where he came from and…
It infiltrated every part of the day. Our nurse would camp out in our room to watch the news. She established herself in our room most of the day until her shift ended.
Pope Benedict was a big part of Molly’s birthday, so today’s announcement of his retirement made me nostalgic and sad. While I’m not catholic, Pope Benedict XVI will always hold a special meaning to me.
I wish him peace in his remaining years.
We’ve been discussing the dog idea again. Finding one that needs rescued, that needs a good home, that has an established personality that we can mesh into our family.
Not a puppy.
Not a big dog (but likely not a small one either).
Right now it’s still an idea. We have things that need done before we can think about the cost of caring for a dog.
While we continue to deliberate and weigh our decision.
We get a visitor.
My parents dog, sweet thing that she is.
We’re often her sitter.
And she always melts into the family seamlessly.
It’s a joy having her.
And we are going to soak up every moment of the next two weeks.
Maybe our decision will be made.
I’m not going to lie and come in here with rainbows & sunshine and say 2012 was the BEST YEAR EVER!!!
Because it wasn’t.
We had struggles. Financially, physically, mentally, we struggled. Kids went in the hospital, husband had medical issues of many kinds, I sprained my ankle, husband sprained an ankle, Kennedy came within inches of a feeding tube.
There have been lows. Some of them mind-numbingly bad.
But we are still here. Our whole family.
And beyond those lows – there were highs. Highs like we’ve never seen – and experiences that were beyond amazing.
For me, 2012 will be a year to be immortalized in my mental record books.
It was the year I dyed my hair purple.
It was the year I got published.
It was the year I swung through the trees.
It was the year I signed my first book contract.
It was the year I climbed mountains.
It was the year I signed 2 more publishing contracts – bringing my years total to 3.
It was the year Erik and I finally got a vacation.
It was the year I got to see Cirque (Creepy & cool).
It was the year I turned 36 – & finally felt like I’d come into my own.
It was the year I ran my first 5k.
I made friends out in that big world, my blog grew, my experiences grew, I grew. Sometimes out of struggle, but I still grew.
2013 has so much promise to it. Two of my books and a short story are all due to be published. I have more experiences waiting for me on the other side of January 1st. I know we’ll have struggles, I know we aren’t done fighting many of the battles we’re still waging today, and I know that there will be days I’ll want to give up.
But I also know – that I will emerge from each of those struggles. Maybe scarred, but always stronger.
So bring it, 2013. The Promises, and the Struggles. I’m ready for you.
[flickr id=”8275837319″ small=”thumbnail” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]2012 has been a very long, and painful year.
Struggles have abounded. Many that you’ve seen, some that I haven’t been able to post about (or started to, but had to stop because we’re not as out of the mess of it as we thought we were).
The pain and struggles have taught me a number of lessons, important lessons. Lessons I will carry with me into 2013.
For now, though.
For now I’d like a measure of peace.
A few days to breathe.
To not pretend this year has been great, that I’m fine, we’re all fine.
Good things did happen, yes…a few very wonderful things.
But bad things have too – and the bad things have beat me down a bit.
So, just for today.
For today I’m going to submerge in peace.