Mine…

In case you didn’t already know it…we are amongst the “have-nots”.

That being said, we have plenty.  We have a roof over our heads, we have food on the table, clothes on our backs.

What we don’t have a lot of is “extra” money. At the moment we only have one running vehicle because one broke down and we can’t afford to fix, much less replace it.

We don’t spoil our kids, they hear a lot of “No’s”. At Christmas we try to make up for a year of no’s with a decent amount of presents…definitely not a LOT.  Even this year when I have started buying presents back in JUNE in preparation of not having the dreaded empty bank account at the end of the year – and was rewarded with the unusual capability to buy gifts for each other for a change.

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Amidst all the holiday preparations I’ve been shocked by the sudden sense of entitlement about it all.

Riley’s can almost all be explained away by her behavioral issues and the influx of propaganda from school. She is filled with anxious anticipation and impatience. The “now now now” wears down my patience and my nerves.

Brandon is the one that shocks me most. In the past weeks his grades have slipped and he’s completely ignored homework.  He flipped out when we didn’t fix his computer (an old, run down, way out of date computer) IMMEDIATELY. Everything he did had to be done NOW.  Even now with his cast off and a brace on he excuses his way out of everything. If he’s been asked to do anything, it’s not been done.

Angel is, as always, the most easy going.  She is excited for the holidays, for the presents, but is mostly tolerable.

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It leaves us wondering if we did something wrong.  By making Christmas a big deal, even when we have little, did we give them the sense of entitlement?  Did we make it too commercial?  Is there something we can do to correct it?

Peace

I have a really bad habit.

I believe I’m Super Woman. I can do EVERYTHING.

Then when it all fails, or life gets in the way (like I forget it has a tendency to do), I crash hard, hate myself a while and wallow in ick.

Two months ago I was ready.

For Christmas.

I’d started to pre-set everything for Christmas. Most of the shopping was done. I’d pre-made cookie (batter) so that baking wouldn’t take any time.

I was sooo good to go.

So I took on a few (dozen) extra projects.

Then life fell apart.

Everyone in the house got sick (including ME twice – and I don’t get sick), had disastrous doctor’s appointments, or decided to stop eating. Our car died. The eldest’s grades went from straight A’s to WTF? Chaos erupted and everything fell apart.

I was still determined to do it all.

Then this morning ONE.LAST.THING. happened. I snapped.  Burst into tears on my poor Archie (who was just trying to leave for work and made the mistake of asking if I was okay).  I realized I’m exhausted. I’ve been staying up until 3AM every day trying to get it done, and waking up at 5AM to continue getting it all done. It was too much.

So I’ve decided to focus on my family.  The other stuff will work out and get done in time.

Now is supposed to be the time for peace. I don’t know what’s going to happen next week, so I’m going to get MY family’s stuff done this weekend…and if nothing comes out of the doctor appointments I will have lots of free time to relax and enjoy the holiday. If we end up with a hospital admission, everything is done and I have no need to panic.

One of these days I’ll learn to leave behind my Super Woman syndrome…I hope it’s sooner rather than later. I don’t want to feel like I have today again for a long time.

Kolaczki (It’s about cookies – I promise)

I remember both of my grandmother’s very clearly.  Neither fit the stereotype that exists in modern culture.  They weren’t bakers. They were unique. I loved them both, but I always wondered if that stereotype existed (now that I’m older I’m almost certain it doesn’t – I’ve never met one myself).

Now that I’m a mom, I’ve become obsessed with this time of year, making everything perfect. Making dozens (or hundreds, if you will) cookies and treats.

Three years ago when I started the trek into going nuts with the cookies I knew I wanted to do something beyond cutouts. Those would always be a staple, but I wanted variety.  In my quest for that variety I knew I wanted to give a nod to my heritage.

I’m half-Polish, you know.

But as I said – I don’t remember my Nana baking in the time I knew her.

So, I started a search for Polish Christmas cookies. I stumbled upon this recipe for “Polish Apricot-Filled Cookies”. Further research gave me the name Kolaczki. I have also since learned that they can be filled in other ways, but I’m not about to change what has become a yearly demand in my house. It is now Archie’s favorite, and I can hardly keep his diabetic fingers out of the cookie jar.

Another thing I love about these, especially this year when I’m trying to pre-make all I can…is that you can pre-make all the parts of this in advance. Freeze the dough, keep the filling in the fridge.  Make it when you’re ready.  You could even put them completely together and freeze them whole, taking them out to bake later. Very convenient recipe.

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Kolaczki

Dough

2 & 1/4 cups Flour
1/2 tsp salt
8oz cream cheese
1 cup butter
1 lg egg, lightly beaten w/ water for egg wash

Apricot Filling

1 & 3/4 cup coarsely chopped dried apricots
2/3 cup honey
1/4 cup sweet orange marmalade
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 cup water

1. Make Dough
Beat cream cheese and butter on med-high until creamy reduce speed to low
Sift together Flour and Salt, then add to cream cheese mixture until just combined.
Divide dough into 4 portions, wrap in plastic wrap and chill until firm, at least 2 hours
~~At this stage you can also freeze it for later use (that’s where mine is right now)

2. Make Filling
Bring ingredients to a boil in a heavy saucepan over medium heat.
Reduce heat and let simmer until apricots are softened and mixture is thick.
Transfer to small bowl and cool until just warm – at least 30 minutes.
Put into food processor and pulse until finely chopped.
Chill until cold – at least 2 hours.

3.Assemble Cookies
Preheat oven to 375
Line baking sheets w/ parchment.
Take 1 piece of dough from fridge (keep others chilled), roll out between 2 sheets of well-floured wax paper into about 11-inches square.
Trim edges so square is 10 inches across.
Cut into 16 equal squares (about 2.5 inches a piece)
Put squares onto cookie sheet and put into freezer for a quick chill (you want to keep dough cold)
At this point you can start a second cookie sheet, or just do one sheet at a time. I’d keep dough in freezer for maybe 5-10 minutes.
Working quickly, put a tsp of filling into the center of each square.
Brush two opposite corners w/ egg wash, then bring those two corners together and pinch to seal.
Continue through all 16 squares. If dough starts to get soft, pop back in freezer for a few minutes.

4. Bake
Bake until golden, about 17-20 minutes.
Transfer to racks to cool.
If desired, sprinkle with powdered sugar.

*These are best kept in an airtight container, and are best fresh, within a week…if you can keep them around that long.

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This post is a part of Tara’s Holiday Cookie Exchange.  Expect probably one other post, hopefully with a more recent, and better looking picture than what I had for this.  Like I said, my Kolaczki’s are currently in the freezer waiting on baking closer to the time I hand them out!!

Memories, Carefully Wrapped

Each year it’s the same
From storage, boxes emerge
Marked with black sharpie

One by one we find
Carefully wrapped memories
Hanging by thin threads

Sometimes the year blurs
Sometimes it’s plain to be seen
Each time the heart tugs

Family gathered
Love, laughter, peace, understanding
Problems disappear

Memories held close
Pulled from storage once a year
Shimmering brightly

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I hope your plates are full, and your bellies fuller.  Enjoy every moment with family and friends!!

Remember the good times, before they’re forgotten.

Embrace your family, for too soon today will become the past, a memory to laugh over.  An old photograph that you’re trying to place. A forgotten memory surfacing amidst laughter and tears.

A letter, found in a hope chest. A photo album in the back of a closet. An old family movie dug out from long stored boxes.

Hold onto today. Savor each moment.

Be thankful for the now.

Before the now’s are gone.

All I want for Christmas…

It is very rare an occasion that the husband and I can get Christmas presents for each other.  In fact, the last time was 3 years ago and we had maybe a $50 budget.  We focus on the kids, and making the day about them.

This year, thanks to some planning ahead (like starting to buy in June and actually putting money away for this reason)…we can actually buy each other Christmas presents.  Our budget is a little more roomy…room for one larger ticket item, and a few small things.

In making my Christmas list I have two bigger ticket items on it.  Just about everything on my list revolves around my camera…and since we can’t afford a new camera or lens, I have two things that I really want and I can’t get them both…unless I win this giveaway.

See, I’ve been eying the idea of a nice camera bag for a while.  When I saw this Rose bag in the color Clementine from Jo Totes, I fell hard.  Archie thinks I’m strange for wanting this orange color, but I’ve been falling in love with orange slowly over the past couple of years.  And this bag is beautiful in orange.

Then there’s an extension tube for my camera.  I really would like it for a number of reasons…and though I’ve been coveting it for less time, it’s still something I really want.

So, when I saw the giveaway at Lotus’ review site I had to enter…because if I win, the conundrum is solved.  Otherwise one of these items has to wait longer, until I can afford it out of pocket.

Choosing between two big wants is very much not easy…and winning this giveaway would ease that so much 😉  Cross fingers.

P.S.  Archie, so you know…the other things I want for Christmas are here:

Wireless Remote, Tripod, EAS Sports Active, Cook or Be Cooked,  Lens Hood, a gift card to Knit Picks, Truly Victorian, or Barnes & Noble, of course, a new robe and slippers are always good 😉

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*Yup, I hardly ever blog about giveaways…despite the extra entries it can get you…but this giveaway was too good to pass up….plus the post also served a dual purpose, by giving the hubby my Christmas list in one place.  So forgive me for my indulgent post…we go back to semi-regularly scheduled posting tomorrow 😉

**Oh, and please don’t go to Lotus’ for this giveaway…no matter how AWESOME it is…The few people that enter, the more likely I am to win…I know…you’re already on your way over. I’m so screwed *G*