by Sarah | Mar 14, 2019 | All About Me, All of Us, Blogging Life, Oola, Personal, Pour Your Heart Out, Redefining Perfect
*~*
A few weeks ago I posted about my ability to hold a grudge.
One phrase has stuck in my head since I wrote that surprisingly cathartic post:
I’m hacking with an ax instead of releasing them with the lightness of a balloon.
In my attempts to get into that Oola state, I was more focused on “this is toxic, cut it out” than HOW I was taking action. By writing it down, my brain latched onto it in a way I didn’t expect.
Then something wonderous happened.
I filled a few grudges with helium.
Initially I likened it to an epiphany…but I don’t think it was. It wasn’t sudden. It wasn’t a light bulb moment. It was that phrase working its way through my mind. Helping me to process some of the feelings I’d been holding onto so tight.
I realized that I’d chopped at that toxic relationship and received nothing in return. Nobody bothered to miss me…
But then…I never thought about if my actions…or inaction, as it were…might have hurt them just as much.
I saw only my side. My pain. My anger. My suffering.
I caught glimpses of happiness in their life and I was bitter that my departure had no effect on that happiness.
The moment I saw what I’d done, how I’d acted and reacted, that grudge expanded with helium. It went from being a dense boulder to a much lighter load.
I’m not saying it’s gone, floated away in the breeze.
It’s still there, but it’s bobbing along with me as I work my way through the rest of my feelings with less pain and anger.
I’m able to say “I miss you” without any malice or bitterness.
I can mean the words.
I can truly miss someone, and not want to re-enter the relationship.
In some cases, maybe I do want to build on the relationship again. In some cases, I have.
I don’t have to.
And that is oddly freeing to know.
I’m feeling much lighter now with fewer boulders, and more balloons.
One day I know a few of them will float away completely. I may not even realize they’ve gone until they’re well out of sight.
And that is just fine.
Because I’ve gone from a brutal axing, to a departure of love.
by Sarah | Mar 12, 2019 | All About Denver, All About Erik, All About Family, All About Kennedy, All About Me, All About Molly, All of Us, Blogging Life, Redefining Perfect, Top Ten Tuesday
Continuing our countdown of my dream family vacations, we hit #4 on the list…
An Alaskan Cruise
Okay, okay…this one is kind of a cheat of a two-in-one. Honestly, it doesn’t HAVE to be Alaska for the cruise part, I’d take any cruise, really…BUT…if I had to pick one that would be my top choice to go on first, it would be this one – and not just because I don’t require a passport to do it.
I’ve long wanted to go on an Alaskan Cruise specifically. Even though I’m opposed to cold weather anymore – the beauty and wonder of Alaska still pulls me in. I’ve seen so many pictures of Alaskan cruises on my perusal of the internet that I’m truly fascinated by the sights to be seen. The glaciers alone would be worth it…but all around the state is a beautiful sight to be seen…even if I’d never want to live there.
The cruise portion is a no-brainer, though. The food, the activities, everything about a cruise is something I’m all on board for. My parents have been on like 20, but I’ve never been on one. I had one planned for my honeymoon…but ended up cancelling that (stupid, stupid, stupid). I want a chance to do it all.
Have you ever been on an Alaskan Cruise? Or any cruise for that matter? What was your favorite part?
by Sarah | Mar 11, 2019 | All About Family, All About Kennedy, All About Me, All About Molly, All of Us, Blogging Life, Redefining Perfect
When I started this blog, they were toddlers.
Off and on the past ten+ years I’ve posted about them, their special needs, our struggles…everything.
Now?
My oldest is legally able to drink.
My girls?
They’re teenagers.
A couple of weeks ago, I snapped a picture of a piece of Molly’s artwork and posted it on Social Media as I have for ages…since Kennedy first displayed her amazing talent.
Molly chastised me when she found out. “No! I did not give you permission to put that on social media!!”
And it hit me…
They are autonomous now. They have some internet savvy, and much still to learn, but they are now capable of telling me NO.
I want to foster that strength of character. Especially in my young daughters. I want them to be fierce and proud and in control of their own wants and needs.
They aren’t babies any longer. While I’m still their mother and have a modicum of control over their life – I no longer have control of their social image here on my blog, facebook, instagram, or any other social media. They have every right to tell me NO, I can’t post that.
I have to give them the right to use that right. I have to let them sit in their own power. I have to ask permission. Always.
Their body, their minds, their abilities are their own.
In my mind sometimes it’s hard for me to comprehend how mature they have become. They are no longer my “Babies”…they aren’t as immature or young for their age as they’ve always seemed before…they are now growing into their true selves.
I am going to foster that.
So you may “see” less of them. The timing is good as I’d begun to adjust the meaning of this blog and what it is for me lately.
That is their right.
They are strong girls.
Long live the Girl Power!
by Sarah | Mar 8, 2019 | All About Me, All of Us, Blogging Life, Friday Feels, Parkinsons, Redefining Perfect, Special Needs, Story of Me
Once upon a time, there was a young woman whose family moved her halfway across the country. For years after they traversed the familiar path back “home” for visits with family and old friends. Along that familiar path, many traditions were formed. The start of every road trip with a Journey album. The swapping of control of the radio. The games of License plate and alphabet.
Then there was the Tale of the Tuttles of Tuttle Crossing. Tonya, Tina, Tasha, Tony, Tom, Travis, and the like. All started the day father and daughter spotted Tasha on her horse Tennesee Tuxedo.
Years passed, the trips slowed, and faded into occasional jaunts. The young woman and her family made several moves around the country before all managed to find their way back to that podunk town and settle in. The trips had since all but stopped except for funerals. The daughter married and moved out.
Then the father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s.
Parkinson’s does much more than rob a persons muscle control.
It robs them of their brain little by little.
It robs them of themself.
It’s ugly.
Nasty.
Hateful.
**
Several years ago I realized that the man I’ve loved my whole life was no longer really my dad.
Hallucinations and dementia caused by Parkinson’s had taken the control freak of a father I grew up with (seriously, every minute of vacation was planned)…and turned him impulsive and…it’s hard to describe unless you’ve lived it, which I’m sure many of you have.
It’s just not the same person.
Then, one day a few months ago I spotted a familiar name among the hundreds of names I see every week at work.
Tuttle.
It sparked a smile in me, and I impulsively texted my dad to tell him I had just seen a Tuttle.
This triggered a back and forth texting frenzy of sorts speaking once again of Tasha, Tonya, their Grandfather Theodore, and Uncle Titus…and “let’s not forget their Native American descendant Tonto Tuttle…”
I laughed, I cried.
For five minutes of rapid-fire text exchanging I had my dad back. Our joking and laughing on those 9 hour road trips. Our anticipation of reaching “Tuttle Crossing” in Ohio every single time. For the joke that never got old.
I laughed…and I cried…
For a moment…he was there.
Recently, he forgot my sons name.
His golden boy, his favorite grandson, his first grandson whom he himself named.
Now I live for those moments.
Even if I have to go back in time to find them. I will. For as long as I can.
by Sarah | Mar 6, 2019 | All About Me, All of Us, Blogging Life, Book Reviews, I'm A Reader, Redefining Perfect
https://amzn.to/2SCSlXD
February was pretty slow for me reading-wise. I worked a LOT in February, which made fitting in reading less of a priority. I have a BUNCH on the docket for March, though…so hold onto your hats for next months post.
Anyhoozles…here’s my (light) list for February.
Some may interest you, some may not. I hope it gives you at least a few ideas!!
Onto the post:
What I Read
One day a few weeks ago I saw this book somewhere…I don’t remember where or what made me think I would like it, or even what compelled me to put it on hold at the library. When it arrived, I almost sent it back without reading it because it didn’t seem like my kind of book. I’m not a horror reader…but instead I began reading.
The first chapter had me hooked in a “I have no idea what I’m reading, but I can’t stop” sort of way. This book had me guessing, and second guessing, every step of the way. You might be able to classify it as a campy sort of horror. People do die now and then…and the kids are trapped in a camp in the middle of nowhere…and there is magic…and beasts…and…so much more.
I gobbled this one up like there was no tomorrow, reading about 300 of the pages in one fell swoop at work one day. In some ways I’m still questioning what happened…in others, I’m just glad I read it.
This one reminded me that it’s good to take risks and step outside my comfort zone sometimes. It doesn’t always pay off…but when it does…it really does.
*I received a copy of this book via netgalley. All opinions are my own*
This was a quick, fun…if slightly predictable graphic novel.
The action was good…the scene in the lab was…well, it was what made it predictable and cheesy…and the side effect of that event was. The more I think about it, the less I actually think I liked this.
It was predictable. The fact that them having sex made this electric shield of sorts form was just *yawn*.
I think I liked the side characters a lot more than the main ones. Their friends, while also pretty cookie-cutter, were cute and added some fun life to the story.
*I received a copy of this book via netgalley. All opinions are my own*
How adorable was this? A boy who grows up in a small valley town with no in or out, lives his life through the adventure of reading. He lives many lives in his short life…but then one day, his greatest fear that he’s anticipated eagerly comes true…he finishes the LAST book in the entire town! There’s no more for him to read. He’s all set to go out on his own adventure, but his parents stop him…reminding him he is young and should wait. He acquiesces…of course, as most great adventurer’s do, he does so only to set off anyway.
The adventure leads him beyond the land he’s always known, and he meets all sorts of creatures. This graphic novel has the added bonus of ‘journal entries’ made by Timo about the creatures he meets and adventures he has.
It ends on a cliffhanger…which is so much fun until I realize that I have no idea when I can get my hands on the next one!
What I’m Reading Now
Okay, this has been on this list for a while. I actually returned it to the library recently, only to take it out again last week at the same time as Camp So-and-So. I’ve since devoured the other…and hope to do the same to this during my time off these next few weeks.
Fingers crossed I do, because this has been on my list WAY too long.
Like, seriously. Books 3 and 4 have BOTH already been released.
Seriously.
I’m halfway through this now. I don’t know why I’m reading it so much slower than book 1…but I’m trying.
So yeah…still on the list (sorry).
I promise, I’ll be adding something new here in a minute…really…
Maybe…
I think? 😉
I’ve gotten a start on this at least. Not super far in yet…but hopefully it turns out to be as quick a read as I remember the Alex Deleware books being.
I’ve always liked him in the past, but stopped reading for a while.
So, I’m gonna give it the old college try again.
Who knows? I may find myself hooked on them again.
Maybe.
Perhaps.
Assorted Graphic novels
No pictures for these. I have about 20 graphic novels from about 3 different series on hold at the library. I’ll fill you in as I get to and through them. Shouldn’t take long. 😀
*~*
I’m so glad I’m on a reading kick again. I have a LOT to catch up on. So stick around…more updates coming soon!
by Sarah | Mar 5, 2019 | All About Denver, All About Erik, All About Family, All About Kennedy, All About Me, All About Molly, All of Us, Blogging Life, Redefining Perfect, Top Ten Tuesday
Continuing our countdown of my dream family vacations, we hit #5 on the list…
Colonial Williamsburg
Once upon a time my family took a trip to Virginia. We went to Busch Gardens so we could ride some amazing rides…and then we went to Colonial Williamsburg because my dad has a degree in history and we always visit these places.
On the same note, I always loved towns like this. Though I hated history class…I’ve always really loved history brought to life in books, or places like this.
I would love for my girls to see the way Colonial Williamsburg brings history to life in such a big way. We have a lovely small town that does something similar here…but there’s something about the whole large community bringing it to life that was something special.
There is so much to do there that isn’t available at other similar style towns. From the restaurants with period-appropriate foods, to the governors mansion, to the fife and drum march and carriage rides. I could spend days on end. My kids would probably hate it after a day or two, but the kids can’t love every family vacation, I sure didn’t love all the ones my parents dragged me on.
Have you ever been to Colonial Williamsburg? What was your favorite part?