by Sarah | Sep 11, 2012 | All About Family, All About Me, Personal, Story of Me
I posted this last year and the year before at this time. I’m re-posting it. I will always repost it every year at this time…
I know what today is. I know what it means to our country. I remember every detail of 2001 in vivid detail…but since before 2001, this date has been difficult for me, for my family…in 1996 my family’s core was lost, the heart of us…my grandfather…so my post on 9/11 is for him. Oh, and at surface glance I hate this picture of me, but then I see the pure joy on my face dancing with my grandfather and aesthetics be damned, it’s my favorite picture.
It was his birthday. I was young and a very short kid…and he was TALL. I remember watching him put our coats in the closet and staring up, up, up at him and asking, “How tall are you?” With his sparkling eyes and laugh he informed me that he was over 6′. My eyes grew wide, and all I could say was, “But you’re so close to the ceiling! If you have ANY more birthdays you’ll go right through!”
His chair sat by the front door and the minute he sat the race was on – who would get the privilege of sitting on his lap, carrying on as deep a conversation as a child was capable of? Who would get to play with his round pot belly, and listen to his laughter?
He worked for GM and he was proud of it, and so were we.
When I close my eyes I can still smell his pipe and see the pipe carousel on his dresser. I can smell the cigarettes that he and grandma smoked.
I remember that after he retired he would watch soap operas during lunch.
And I remember the weddings – when my cousin and I would trade off and share him for the dance. “Grampa” by the Judds.
I remember his smile.
I remember his belly.
I remember the strength that he always carried in his soul and body.
I remember the pain that shot through my heart at the word…”cancer”. Once it was uttered it was less than a year. 10 months.
I remember the first time I saw him in the hospital-and how I had to run from the room because it made me physically ill to see my big strong grandfather lying in a bed weak and hooked up to tubes.
I remember his fight.
I remember when it was acknowledged in our hearts that the time to fight was over.
I remember how he held on – hours past when we thought we would lose him – because he would not let go until he’d gotten to hear the good-bye of all of his grandchildren, and my brother had been in surgery for his shattered wrist. Half an hour after the final phone call, he was gone.
I remember the sound of the tennis balls scattering across the hallway when my professor’s assistant walked up asking if she knew where I was…and all I could do was run to my car to get home as soon as I could.
From there it’s a blur…a long car ride from NC to NY. The arrangements. The funeral home. The droves of people I didn’t know, but who all knew him, overflowing the room.
The pain has lessened, resorted to a memory. For the most part I remember the love, the good things, the joy. But on this day every year the pain comes back to the forefront.
The pain seems so much stronger now that Grandma has gone to join him. Refreshed and renewed. Now they are together forever, but they will always be here in our hearts.
We love you still, and will always love you, Grampa.
by Sarah | Sep 6, 2012 | All About Denver, All About Family, All About Home, All About Me
In the outer edges of Virginia. Just outside of Dayton. There’s a small little dirt road off of a dirt road.
That road is called Denver Lane.
That road is named after my son.
Yes. Literally.
See that house at the end of Denver Lane? We lived there. A lovely house on 40 acres. My dog Sohio is buried next to that large pond. My cat, Calicow, is buried in the yard by the shed. Denver was a baby in that house. We lived “next door” to the man behind one of the biggest discount tire stores in Virginia – and he had a son about 2 years old. We spent some time with them, had a couple of cookouts during that summer. They were good neighbors – and with each of us having so much land we didn’t encroach.
Back then Denver Lane was Rural Route 12 (or something like that).
And the city decided to renamed all rural routes for 911 calls, etc. We were told to make our submissions for road names.
Our neighbors submitted their sons name. We submitted Denver’s. We joked back and forth with them over who would win the road name. After all, at the time there was just the two of us on that road back then. Not many options to choose from.
Two weeks before we moved we learned the city had picked “Denver Lane”. Not just that, but our house number would have had the month, date, and hour of Denver’s birth.
Unfortunately, we moved away from that gorgeous land before we ever got to live on his namesake street.
But I know it’s there, and it’s on google maps…
So yeah, my kid’s awesome. They named a whole street after him.
by Sarah | Aug 28, 2012 | 45 before 45, All About Me, Get Fit - Or Kill Myself - Whatever Comes First
[flickr id=”7267389774″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]Some time ago I made a pledge. I signed up for a 5k and determined that I would make it through the c25k program with time to spare. I’m not a runner, but I wanted to get healthy again, in shape.
Then the drought hit.
The insatiable, undying, intense heat.
Every day over 90*, starting in the 70’s.
So blasted hot.
Too hot to run without passing out.
Finally we had a break. Cool mornings.
So for the past 3 weeks I’ve been back at it.
I still can’t sustain a run for a long time and I’m sort of speed-bumping my way through that c25k thing. My muscles are weeping, my body is tired – but I can see that finish line now.
In 25 days come hell or high water – I’ll be running a 5k.
I just hope I come out the other end. 😉
by Sarah | Aug 17, 2012 | All About Home, All About Me, All of Us
[flickr id=”7665964374″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]I became an official SAHM right after my hysterectomy almost 6 years ago. That’s 9 months after Kennedy was born, 6 months before her CF diagnosis. 6 years.
These days I’ve become more WAHM than SAHM…not that I’m raking in the dough, but between my writing and all of the activities and opportunities this blog is drawing in for me – I’m always doing something (even when that something involves sitting on my arse and typing away at the computer for hours on end).
The problem I’ve had since I became a SAHM is that there’s always been someone under foot. I adore my kids, I love my husband – but I have trouble focusing and getting anything done when there’s people under foot.
Basically what I’m trying to say is my house was a clusterf***-aw, you know – of clutter. We are pack rats, and we have a small house. That equates to more clutter than I care to share. Usually about once or twice a year I do a massive overhaul and things are gorgeous for a while…but then real life climbs in and it’s a pit again.
These days things are running a bit more smoothly.
Three kids – all of them in all day school.
From 8-2:30 I am unimpeded.
I’m still adjusting to the schedule and figuring out how to plan out my day better…but the clutter is lessening. I had my massive house purging last month which got me started off on the right foot. There’s still plenty to be done…but things are getting done.
I can work – blog, edit, write – and clean and still have time left over to just enjoy the quiet…or run an errand without panicking that I only have a couple hours to get it done in.
Plus? Oh, the wonderful plus?
I have more patience with my kids. Granted I’m still not Glinda the Good Witch all the time….plenty of the Wicked Witch creeps in…but I’m getting better, calmer, and enjoying my time with them more.
You know what they say…absence makes the heart grow fonder…and the mommy saner.
by Sarah | Aug 9, 2012 | All About Denver, All About Erik, All About Family, All About Kennedy, All About Learning, All About Me, Cross Country, Friday Fragments, Random, The Teenager
[flickr id=”7665949676″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]I’ve been having a good week…month…year. Whatevs, it’s all good. Okay, so there’s been ups and downs, but as I said recently I feel like I’ve hit my prime.
But for whatever reason my mind can’t wrap around a cohesive lengthy post today so you get the ever-marvelous bullet list of awesome.
- School starts in less than a week. Three kids. Gone all day. Makes me salivate at the thought of all that might get accomplished.
- Erik is doing a lot better. We’ve had a change in diagnosis & treatment plan, and things are looking up. Hopefully soon we’ll dive more into it – when he’s ready.
- In case you missed it – I’m being published. I so cannot wait until February to cross that sucker off my 45X45 list.
- The teen is entering high school. Honestly, not sure if this goes on a list of awesome b/c it sort of freaks me out – but it is happening. He’s in JV Cross Country practices now.
- We’re going to the State Fair on Monday. I’m actually pretty excited for this. Been a long time since I’ve done this.
- Erik & I have started walking together every night. It gives us added exercise & some time for just the two of us.
- I still have this 5k coming up but with the heat I have lapsed on training. Starting again real soon because time is running out (pardon the unintentional pun)
- Did I mention school starts soon? No? Well, it DOES.
- Oh, make sure you come by here tomorrow…I’m having a fun, flirty, sexy giveaway you do NOT want to miss.
by Sarah | Aug 7, 2012 | 45 before 45, All About Me, Books, Changing Tracks, Publishing Credits, Writing
My contract has been signed, my cover art questionnaire has been filled out, my blurb has been hacked down to size and all my ducks are in a row. I’ve been bursting with this news for well over a week now and I’m so glad to be able to finally share it!
Seven years ago I set out to get published – back before ebooks were in and before I knew what an adverb whore was or how to stop myself from being one.
Three years ago I abandoned my first novel and started on this one, on this series. Changing Tracks and its main characters, Jane & Cole have come to mean so much to me. All I have wanted for them is to give them the story they deserve and to see it published in print.
I have just signed with Secret Cravings Publishing to make that dream a reality. Even better they are using the cover art I made for the book three years ago.
In February 2013* Changing Tracks will be published in ebook format. Six months later, in August of 2013* it will go to print.
Now I’m setting out on the crazy ride of getting the book into print and I’m bringing you all along with me. For now, I’ll leave you with the (long version) of my back cover blurb.
*~*
There is nothing simple about forgetting your past.
Cole Mitchell runs the busiest saloon and brothel in Dominion Falls. He makes time with his women, makes a killing gambling, and exerts his power how he pleases. One thing he never does is let anyone in.
Until the day she falls into his saloon bleeding and near death. He saves her from the pine box, and finds he can’t walk away. The problem is, if he lets her get close he could relive his past – and he worked too hard to forget it.
She wakes with no memory, only the firm belief that someone wanted her dead. With no name she keeps ‘Jane Doe’ and tries to carve out a life. She finds herself drawn to Cole, and they start a fiery relationship that sets the whole town talking. Their pasts – her lack of, and his buried – keep them from admitting the depth of their feelings, but they find they only trust each other.
Through the chaos of renegade Indian raids, an abandoned husband and her recurring nightmares they fight to find the truth of what happened to her. She soon learns that sometimes the truth is the last thing you want to learn, and she starts to think it may be best to leave the past where it is.
That past isn’t that willing to let go. A stranger proves that he’s willing to kill to keep his secrets safe. If Jane doesn’t remember soon, everyone she loves will be in danger.
*~*
*Publishing dates are estimates and subject to change. Once I receive more exact dates I’ll share that news.
