by Sarah | Mar 7, 2014 | All About Me, Personal, Redefining Perfect
I’m not prone to nightmares.
I’m prone to strange dreams, colorful dreams, and sometimes insanely happy dreams. At least, the ones I remember.
So when I have nightmares they tend to stick out. Like a few years ago Erik was watching Friday the 13th as I fell asleep and that set off a nightmare about zombies chasing me. I wasn’t even watching the movie, just the music lulling me to sleep set off that nightmare.
Oh, and did I mention all the zombies were movie stars?
Yeah.
*~*
The first nightmare I ever had has been talked about here – you know, I was young enough to be in a crib, but remember the nightmare of tearing up my favorite book.
Yes. My first nightmare was about tearing up a book. Telling, I know.
*~*
At the tender age for four I scared the living daylights out of my dad (or rather, my whole family) early one Sunday morning by screaming bloody murder.
The dream?
I was being chased down by a hive full of angry bees. To my recollection the dream was rather like a cartoon, but at that age, it didn’t matter – it scared the bejeebus out of me.
*~*
At six it was my closet.
See, in the house I grew up in I had a fabulous closet. So big I could lie down in the bottom of it with room to spare. I made pop tab bracelets and necklaces sitting in that closet, made it a clubhouse with my friend Beth from across the street.
That all stopped the night of the dream.
A skeleton was in my closet. A moving, creeping, freaky skeleton.
To this day I don’t like sleeping with doors open. It still freaks me out that bad.
*~*
What about you? Do you have any nightmares you remember? Are you plagued by them regularly? Or are you like me, and they only randomly arise and stick in your memory?
by Sarah | Apr 25, 2013 | A to Z Challenge, All About Me, Personal, Random
I have never been a vain person.
But as I get older, I find myself wishing I had been at least a little.
Pregnancy changed my skin – I know have spots and bumps on my face I never had before. I don’t like them, because they feel like a foreign object, not a part of the me I know.
Menopause (thanks to an emergency hysterectomy 6 years ago) has taken its toll on my body. I am now no longer the high-metabolism girl with skinny jeans…and I’ve had no luck breaking old habits from those days.
The circles under my eyes, a permanent genetic mark I’ve always had (and Kennedy carries now), have darkened into deep crevices of dark color that require makeup and camera/photo-editing magic to hide.
Still…
In many ways I feel the best I have in my life. Not about my outward signs, but about me.
I posted last year on my birthday about feeling like I was in the prime of my life.
It still holds true, although it wavered a bit over the long and very cold winter because in winter I tend to hermit myself inside and never, ever, go out.
But now the whether is turning. Events are planned, some lifelong dreams have been met, and I’m ready to set some new goals.
And try some new crazy things to push myself again.
*~*~*
The A-Z Challenge has over 1900 participants, all blogging from A to Z this month. Check them out and see if you can’t find a few new favorites!!
by Sarah | Apr 4, 2013 | All About Me, Dance, Personal
From awkward girl.
To graceful swan.
From deep shyness.
To shining star.
The shoes had the power to lift the soul where she lacked inner strength.
Once those shoes were on,
Once her feet touched the hardwood,
Once the spotlight shone down on her.
Nothing else mattered.
Not the teasing.
The bullying.
The horrors of wicked peers.
It all fell away.
The shoes didn’t hold the magic.
She did.
She just didn’t know it until many years later.
When she shoes mostly lay at rest.
The power she found in dance.
Was always in her.
The A-Z Challenge has over 1900 participants, all blogging from A to Z this month. Check them out and see if you can’t find a few new favorites!!
by Sarah | Jan 21, 2013 | All About Me, Crap, Personal, Random
Nine years ago my life was different. (Sort of) newly married, only one young son at home. I had no blog, but I did have an online existence.
In one of those (now defunct) online locales I met a girl that went by Vilanaa. We talked some, but we weren’t close. Then one day she emailed me to give me a file that the internet (and my stupidity) had eaten…and from that moment on we became fast friends.
I quickly learned her real name was Jess. We bonded fast over many similar experiences and laughed over the same jokes.
For several years we shared our lives through the internet & phone. Never meeting, but she was there for everything. The first person my husband called when I went into the hospital for the girls, for my gall bladder. I became the person she called for everything, joy to crisis. We watched each others kids grow up through pictures.
We finally met several years ago when I went out to meet her. Upon arrival I ‘forgot’ my kids in the car and rushed into a tight hug that lasted five minutes while Denver got the girls unpacked and met her boys. Many tears of joy were shed.
A year an a half ago she returned the favor by driving out here for my birthday. She was present for my first tattoo and my husband finally got to know the person behind the voice.
She is my best friend. Our friendship is amazing and strong and amazing again.
But she lives so far away. Without the invention of the transporter I can’t be there when she’s in true crisis. I have to be content with knowing she has a support system that is helping. I have to be content to be on the other end of the phone to remind her to breathe when she calls me in tears.
Last month I went out with two wonderful and amazing Indy friends of mine, Casey and Shireen. These two women are best friends like Jess and I, but they live in the same town(ish). They are able to see each other at least twice a month (most times) – but at the end of the evening they embraced in a tight hug that lasted several minutes. Both apologized to me, saying it sometimes makes people uncomfortable.
I told them don’t apologize ever for that sort of closeness. That if my BFF were here I’d hug her the same way every time. We all need the bear-hug friend…whether they are five minutes away, an hour away, or 12 hours away.
Treasure your bear hug friend and hug them as often as you can.
Because this 12-hours away crap? It sucks when your best friend needs you.
Now who can get those scientists to finish up the transporters ASAP for me? I’ve got to get a bear hug.
by Sarah | Sep 11, 2012 | All About Family, All About Me, Personal, Story of Me
I posted this last year and the year before at this time. I’m re-posting it. I will always repost it every year at this time…
I know what today is. I know what it means to our country. I remember every detail of 2001 in vivid detail…but since before 2001, this date has been difficult for me, for my family…in 1996 my family’s core was lost, the heart of us…my grandfather…so my post on 9/11 is for him. Oh, and at surface glance I hate this picture of me, but then I see the pure joy on my face dancing with my grandfather and aesthetics be damned, it’s my favorite picture.
It was his birthday. I was young and a very short kid…and he was TALL. I remember watching him put our coats in the closet and staring up, up, up at him and asking, “How tall are you?” With his sparkling eyes and laugh he informed me that he was over 6′. My eyes grew wide, and all I could say was, “But you’re so close to the ceiling! If you have ANY more birthdays you’ll go right through!”
His chair sat by the front door and the minute he sat the race was on – who would get the privilege of sitting on his lap, carrying on as deep a conversation as a child was capable of? Who would get to play with his round pot belly, and listen to his laughter?
He worked for GM and he was proud of it, and so were we.
When I close my eyes I can still smell his pipe and see the pipe carousel on his dresser. I can smell the cigarettes that he and grandma smoked.
I remember that after he retired he would watch soap operas during lunch.
And I remember the weddings – when my cousin and I would trade off and share him for the dance. “Grampa” by the Judds.
I remember his smile.
I remember his belly.
I remember the strength that he always carried in his soul and body.
I remember the pain that shot through my heart at the word…”cancer”. Once it was uttered it was less than a year. 10 months.
I remember the first time I saw him in the hospital-and how I had to run from the room because it made me physically ill to see my big strong grandfather lying in a bed weak and hooked up to tubes.
I remember his fight.
I remember when it was acknowledged in our hearts that the time to fight was over.
I remember how he held on – hours past when we thought we would lose him – because he would not let go until he’d gotten to hear the good-bye of all of his grandchildren, and my brother had been in surgery for his shattered wrist. Half an hour after the final phone call, he was gone.
I remember the sound of the tennis balls scattering across the hallway when my professor’s assistant walked up asking if she knew where I was…and all I could do was run to my car to get home as soon as I could.
From there it’s a blur…a long car ride from NC to NY. The arrangements. The funeral home. The droves of people I didn’t know, but who all knew him, overflowing the room.
The pain has lessened, resorted to a memory. For the most part I remember the love, the good things, the joy. But on this day every year the pain comes back to the forefront.
The pain seems so much stronger now that Grandma has gone to join him. Refreshed and renewed. Now they are together forever, but they will always be here in our hearts.
We love you still, and will always love you, Grampa.
by Sarah | Jan 31, 2009 | Personal
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I haven’t done weekly updates, I admit…but I HAVE gotten better about posting in general *LOL* But, I figured weekly was too much. I’m sticking to monthly updates. It’s easier to keep track of the credit issues that way. So anyway, onto the goals and what I’ve done about them!
Goal #1 Body Image
1. I have lost six pounds. I’m down to 151. My jeans are fitting differently, but I don’t think it’s because of the weight so much as the:
2. I’ve started doing yoga just about every day. I did not exercise every day in January because there was the whole broken toe to deal with, and getting used to kids being home…but I did start it and really liked it. This is something I’m keeping up with.
3. I have cut BACK on my pop drinking, but not enough. I still have bad days that I drink a LOT. I’m also not drinking more water. Hopefully that will get better.
4. I have also cut back on my grazing. I still do it, but not as much – I often try to replace food with a cup of coffee, but it doesnt always work.
In all I think this goal is going well. It’s not perfect yet, but I’m happy with the baby steps I’ve taken.Â
Goal #2 Finances
1. I did start keeping a check register…
2. And we started out strong w/ the budget
3. I’m still using the debt tracker spreadsheet…
But over all this goal went kerplunk before we got more than two weeks into January. I blew my grocery budget, we only lived on ‘cash only’ for one week. We didn’t follow any sort of budget and I didn’t track the spending like I should have.Â
Our goal is refocused for February. We have our tax refund coming in, but we’re still going to live on the budget while we pay some things off, and fix our truck. Hopefully we’ll do much better this month.
Goal #3 Home & Family
1. I made vague meal plans – but didn’t write them down…
2. I blew our grocery budget within a couple of weeks (not severely, but I definitely went overy by at least $50)
3. I’ve done fairly well with starting the cleaning. The ktichen at least. I’ve done dishes almost every day, and doen a good cleaning of it once a week. I need to improve. I started doing the laundry once a wk (mostly) – but putting it away is not good.
4. And I’ve made tons and tons of breads…more than we needed some weeks.
5. We’ve had a few family game nights. Not quite every week…but we’re working on it.
On a side note about this…this goal has evolved a bit. I’ve decided to start homeschooling the girls – and am strongly considering homeschooling Brandon, too. This has led to me doing some PT-HS w/ Brandon (it’s helped that we’ve had so many snow days). So, as we approach that goal, this goal will shift and change a bit. I may end up with my own goal set aside for homeschooling. For now, I’m goign to keep on the track I’m going.Â
In all, I feel our family unit is stronger already – and that was the main goal for this…so we’ll keep working on it!
Goal #4 Personal
1. I’ve started writing again – not quite twice a week every week, but this past week I’ve gotten closer.
2. On that end, I’ve rewritten 6 chapters of the novel and am pretty happy with what I’ve done so far.
3. I’ve gotten better about posting here again, even though I’m struggling some days for posts.
4. I haven’t officially re-opened my writing blog yet, but I’m close to it…I’m just wrapping up the site’s design and adding in some pages that I think are needed.  Hopefully that will come soon.
**********
Total wrapup: I’m feeling mostly good about how January went. Not completely great because of the financial road bump…but over all with all four goals – I’m happy. Baby steps is the point of this…so I’ll focus on my accomplishments and just hope to do better next month!!Â
I’m not prone to nightmares.
