by Sarah | Jul 18, 2019 | All About Me, All of Us, Personal, Redefining Perfect, Story of Me
The past couple of years I’ve made huge leaps in discovering who I am, who I want to be, how I want to live.
I want to be me.
Unapologetically ME.
It’s not always easy, though.
Old fears, traumas, habits, and soul blocks are everywhere.
I make a decision for a new Oola goal – and I hide it. I claim I’m keeping it to myself because it’s just for me…but it’s fear. Fear of being mocked. Being told I can’t do it, that I’m “not strong enough” (something I heard about surviving auditions on Broadway…yet years later I became a writer and handled plenty of rejection).
It’s been so easy to slide back into a hermit life during/after the move.
SO much happened. SO much stress. SO much turmoil.
Say bye bye world, hello couch.
I’m trying to push beyond it. To work past those blocks, comforts, and habits.
My word for 2019 is REDEFINING.
I’ve had so much happen into 2019, I can’t help but embody that word in so many ways.
Yet, that old song is easy to sing. To use as a shield. To smile and pretend I’m okay waving the rose in the back of the corps.
I said I was going to stop hiding my true self.
I’m working on it.
I promise.
*~*
(Also, that Oola goal announcement is coming soon…promise. Fitting it into my post schedule. 😀 No more fear)
by Sarah | Mar 29, 2019 | All About Me, All of Us, Personal, Redefining Perfect, Story of Me
After my girls were born I was out of the work force for quite a while. It just didn’t make financial sense for me to work and pay for 3 daycare spots. I wouldn’t have a paycheck when all was said and done. Then their special needs started making themselves known and it was all said and done for quite a while.
When hubby and I decided that it was time for me to get back into working, I had to work on my resume. Between that, and actually filling out applications, a disturbing pattern began to emerge.
I had missing time in my jobs.
I knew I never went without employment until the girls…but how could I be missing a year?
I sit there over and over running the dates…
“2001-2002 I was with the bank, yes. That’s right. Then in 2002 I did the bookkeeping thing for the shop for…oh, I don’t know. Was it a year? I think so. Okay. That takes me to 2003…but then. What? I didn’t start back with the bank until 2004. What in the world did I do in the interim? Did I work at the shop longer? NO…No. I know I didn’t.”
A full year that I couldn’t not remember for the life of me. I thought maybe I had the dates of the bank and the shop wrong, but I knew I didn’t because I was working at the shop when I got married.
I mean, seriously.
What happened during that year?
To this day this still happens. I don’t have to fill out that far back on resumes and applications, but as I fill them out, I think back to this blank space of time and wonder.
Every once in a while, like right now, it’ll hit me and I’ll remember EXACTLY what I was doing in that time. I’ll be in shock that I could forget such an esteemed position in my career trajectory and then…a few days, or weeks, down the line I’ll forget again.
So now…while I’m remembering, do you want to know?
Well, I’m gonna tell you either way.
For a year I held the esteemed position of Assistant Manager at a Credit Union Service Center. We performed transactions for most of the area credit unions.
ASSISTANT MANAGER in finance/banking. That’s no small potatoes.
And I constantly forget it ever happened.
A year of my career.
Gone.
So I’m glad you know, because maybe next time you can remind me when I forget again.
It’s gonna happen.
Probably before this even posts.
by Sarah | Mar 8, 2019 | All About Me, All of Us, Blogging Life, Friday Feels, Parkinsons, Redefining Perfect, Special Needs, Story of Me
Once upon a time, there was a young woman whose family moved her halfway across the country. For years after they traversed the familiar path back “home” for visits with family and old friends. Along that familiar path, many traditions were formed. The start of every road trip with a Journey album. The swapping of control of the radio. The games of License plate and alphabet.
Then there was the Tale of the Tuttles of Tuttle Crossing. Tonya, Tina, Tasha, Tony, Tom, Travis, and the like. All started the day father and daughter spotted Tasha on her horse Tennesee Tuxedo.
Years passed, the trips slowed, and faded into occasional jaunts. The young woman and her family made several moves around the country before all managed to find their way back to that podunk town and settle in. The trips had since all but stopped except for funerals. The daughter married and moved out.
Then the father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s.
Parkinson’s does much more than rob a persons muscle control.
It robs them of their brain little by little.
It robs them of themself.
It’s ugly.
Nasty.
Hateful.
**
Several years ago I realized that the man I’ve loved my whole life was no longer really my dad.
Hallucinations and dementia caused by Parkinson’s had taken the control freak of a father I grew up with (seriously, every minute of vacation was planned)…and turned him impulsive and…it’s hard to describe unless you’ve lived it, which I’m sure many of you have.
It’s just not the same person.
Then, one day a few months ago I spotted a familiar name among the hundreds of names I see every week at work.
Tuttle.
It sparked a smile in me, and I impulsively texted my dad to tell him I had just seen a Tuttle.
This triggered a back and forth texting frenzy of sorts speaking once again of Tasha, Tonya, their Grandfather Theodore, and Uncle Titus…and “let’s not forget their Native American descendant Tonto Tuttle…”
I laughed, I cried.
For five minutes of rapid-fire text exchanging I had my dad back. Our joking and laughing on those 9 hour road trips. Our anticipation of reaching “Tuttle Crossing” in Ohio every single time. For the joke that never got old.
I laughed…and I cried…
For a moment…he was there.
Recently, he forgot my sons name.
His golden boy, his favorite grandson, his first grandson whom he himself named.
Now I live for those moments.
Even if I have to go back in time to find them. I will. For as long as I can.
by Sarah | Jan 25, 2019 | All About Erik, All About Family, All About Me, All of Us, Oola, Personal, Redefining Perfect, Story of Me
I’ve been carrying on for a while now about this Oola stuff, I know. So, I thought I would share a little about how I came to find it, what it is, and what it means to me/us.
One day about a year and a half ago I was perusing netgalley (as I love to do) and saw the cover over there <—.
I was intrigued, but saw it was self-help/non-fic and thought maybe it was too crunchy crazy for me because of the VW bus on the cover and moved on past.
About a month later one of my local friends on twitter posted something with the hashtag #oola. For some reason, the word had stuck with me from that cover and I immediately tackled her on it, asking what she knew of it. Her response is lost to the twitter gods…but it was along the lines of “It’s amazing.” I said I remembered seeing an oola book on Netgalley and I’d go see if it was still available.
It WAS! I snatched it up immediately – and then promptly forgot about it for probably five or six months.
One weekend after I’d quit the job I hated, I took a chance to run some surveys at a local movie theater. I was only to survey people coming out of a couple of particular movies. Not sure if you know this, but movie theaters run movies in chunks. So everything goes in and releases within a half hour span every couple of hours. That left a LOT of time sitting around staring at this –>.
While sitting on a bench during one of the lulls, I opened the kindle app on my phone, pondering what to read.
I’m not sure what called me to it, but as soon as I saw Oola, I downloaded and began to read.
Within an hour I was sending my husband screen captures saying “Read this! And this! and this! This is amazing!”
Whether it was the right timing, or the right words, the book spoke to me. Some of the stories didn’t speak to me, but many left me in tears. It inspired me, uplifted me, and made me look at EVERYTHING in my life differently. It changed my life.
I know, I know…I’m using the words “It was LIFE-CHANGING.” The thing is…I don’t say this lightly. I’ve read my share of self-help books that didn’t do anything for me. Again. I don’t know if it was the timing, the words, or the simple complexity of the whole theory…but it struck me. It didn’t hit my husband in the same way…at first. Now? He’s fully on board. We’ve both read an Oola book (There are currently 2 versions with a 3rd to be released soon and a 4th planned) at least twice. I’m on my third go right now.
Okay, so what is it?
From the Oola website:
oo-la (noun): That state of awesomeness. It is when your life is balanced and growing in the seven key areas of life – the 7 F’s of Oola (fitness, finance, family, field (career), faith, friends and fun).
It’s a book that guides you on how to find balance in the 7 key areas of your life. (Heads up, the authors are deeply Christian and as someone who isn’t this could have easily turned me off…but in the Faith section they admit they’re Christian and say “but you do you.” Which, for me, made them a-ok in my book).
The book leads you through every one of the key areas, talking about how you can attain Oola in each, or what it means to attain Oola in each.
They break down what are called “Oola blockers” – like Fear, Guilt, Anger, etc. Then, they talk about my favorite – the “Oola accelerators” like Gratitude, Love, and Passion.
You are given quizzes to see where you are in each area so that you might create your Oola Wheel and see what you need to work on. You’re also given steps to find three daily tasks that take you closer to your Oola goals. By working on one area of your life, the Oola spreads to other areas so you see a general lift in each area. I’ve experienced it, I’ve seen it have a huge impact on our lives. It sounds hokey, but it works.
I met the Oola guys
In June I got to head to a local Barnes & Noble to get my Oola books signed by the authors.
I even got to put my own Oola goal on the Dream bus…on the layer of stickers covering the VW. (My dream is not in this picture…it must have been before I placed it…but it was to move to Florida – weeks before we made the decision to do just that).
I kid you not, I was like a kid at Disney World when I walked around the corner and saw that bus outside. It was real, and I was adding MY dream to the bus.
I know I keep saying it, but it’s made a big change in our lives. We keep each other in check by reminding each other “Oola” when things get rough. We have open discussion about Oola Blockers and Accelerators. We’ve taken steps to better our lives using the principles and are seeing positive changes.
We stumble, sure. Of course we do. Lately, my biggest struggle has been in the fitness aspect and it’s bringing me down everywhere. So, I’ve quit smoking finally (over 2 months now), and I’ve gotten back on a healthier diet, I’ve been working on quitting pop, and am doing exercise program that worked for me in the past. My goals don’t involve a number on a scale, but a general return to the healthy level and excellent shape I was in almost 2 years ago.
We are living the #oolalife as best we can – and knocking out our Oola goals as we can.
I know, I’m one of THOSE people…never thought I would be, but I SO am.
Come on in, the water’s GREAT.
by Sarah | Jan 22, 2019 | All About Family, All About Me, All of Us, Florida Dreaming, Oola, Personal, Redefining Perfect, Story of Me
Last month I participated in this wonderful event run by an Ojibwe Medicine Woman called the 21 Day Ceremony Challenge.
The whole thing was amazing, powerful, so intense. I learned things about myself. I built up my altar with new items and offerings. It was a wonderful way to spent a few minutes every day focusing on myself.
One day, pretty early in the process, she sent us on a little guided meditation to find the spirit animal that would be guiding us on our journey.
Honestly, it took me several tries to get in the right frame of mind to truly get into it. I expected something like the fox or deer I’d recently seen.
Nope.
My spirit guide came plodding along on all fours. Green. Bumpy. Big teeth.
An alligator.
Honestly…I had to really take a few minutes to digest it. I’ve seen all sorts of spirit animals from spiders to horses to hawks and even mice.
But an alligator? What?
Then, I thought more about it – and it makes total sense.
For one, the obvious, we are planning to move to Florida. What’s crazy-prevalent in Florida? Alligators, of course.
Then there’s the fact that my middle one, Molly, has had the nickname of “Gator” since she was a baby. It’s a cute story about a onesie and an enamored daddy…but we’ll save that for another time.
Once I sat with the knowledge for a while, I took in the lessons he brought me.
His message to me was to work hard at being my authentic self, which I have always struggled with. The rest will fall into place if I continue accepting and becoming my true self. His presence with me tells me to continue my path of sticking to my guns and know that even though I’m gifted with emotional understanding, I don’t have to allow myself to be dragged into the chaos and mire of others drama.
So I’m happy to walk with the alligator, and let him be my guide…
And proudly say that I’d bet anything my spirit animal is weirder than yours. Which is just how I like it.
by Sarah | Jan 19, 2019 | 50 before 50, All About Me, All of Us, Bucket List, Oola, Personal, Redefining Perfect, Story of Me
Well, I haven’t taken a hard look at my 50X50 status since 2017…so I knew that it was time to remedy that. I need to change some things, add in some completed items and well, just tidy that thing all the way up. It’s been neglected far too long.
So join me, won’t you? Let’s see what awesomeness we have done, or I’m changing, or what is staying the same level of awesomeness.
Color Code:
Newly Done (past 2 years)
Previously Done
New
Updated
***********
50 X 50
Take a real vacation. (Not to Buffalo, not w/ the kids) (Done 4/23/12)Take my kids to Disney World. (Done, thanks to Make-A-Wish 10/28/14, and again 10/28/15, and again on our own dime 12/22/2017)See my name in print (get published, e-zine, paper-zine). (Done 6/24/12 – Sirens Call June 2012 Issue)Have a novel published. (Done 2/8/13 – Changing Tracks & 17 more times [so far] by 7/18/15)- Get my Dominion Falls books series in front of a producer.
- Complete every item on my Disney Bucket Lists (there are 3-easy, long-term, difficult).
- Take a photography class (or 2 or 3)
Perform on stage again (done 12/4/15 – Violet Grey in A Charlie Brown Christmas)- Learn to snorkel
- See Colorado
- See Yellowstone
- Go skydiving. [Yes, I feel slightly insane here]
Go to a blogger’s conference. (done 4/23/12)Sit at a book signing. (Done March 2018 at a conference in Nashville!)- Get on a regular exercise regime & stay on it for more than 3 months. (I did this in 2018, then fell off the wagon at peak of fitness. My goal is to achieve again in 2019 and stick with it)
Hand craft (knit, sew) 1 item for ME for a change. (DONE 4/1/12)- Watch the baby turtles hatching
Get some crazy color in my hair (purple, blue, pink highlites/streaks) Done 2/11/12- Read the Harry Potter series aloud to my girls. (2/3 of the way through by 8/4/17)
Sing Karaoke (Done April 2018 – much to my embarrassment.)- Get up close with the wolves & photograph them at Wolf Park. (odds of getting this done before I leave Indiana – now nil. Hoping there’s something similar in FL)
- Move to Florida.
- Pay off debt. (Making progress on this for the first time ever. Maybe it will get done!)
Get a car that is less than 2 years old (Done March 2018 – my 2017 Honda Accord Sport)Run a 5k. Done 9/22/12 Do something daring (paragliding, zipline, etc.) Done 7/14/12See the butterflies at the Indy Zoo (Done 3/19/13)- Learn sign language.
Go on a road trip with a girlfriend (Done Sept. 2018)- Go on a hot air balloon ride
See Cirque du Soleil (Done 6/27/2012)- Ride a horse – not a trail horse. A real ride on a horse.
Volunteer (Done 12/2017 at Give Kids the World & in 2018 – Became a Make A Wish Volunteer)- Stop drinking pop. (Again – sooo close in 2018. I would still have the occasional, but I was almost there and crashed. Attempting again now)
Visit Disneyland (Done 5/2/17)Get a tattoo (Done 7/16/11)- Go on a Cruise [preferably Alaskan, but I’m not picky]
Go on a wine tasting (Done 10/16/10)- Get a Henna tattoo
- Take my husband to swim with sharks
- Fly first class
- Read at least 50 of the PBS 100 Great American Reads. (In total I have read 26/50 at this point)
Have a real spa day (Done, thanks to Hubs, 7/2014)Visit a real haunted location (Done 7/16/16)- Sell a photo
- Visit Salem, MA
Visit both US based Disney Parks in one year. (Done in 2017 – Disneyland in May, Disney World in Sept & Dec)See a solar eclipse. (Done 8/21/2017)- Renew vows with a hand-fasting ceremony on the beach.
- Go through a sweat lodge ceremony.
- BONUS: Run a full Disney Marathon (I couldn’t find anything to remove, and this is a goal for me for sure)
It’s so much fun to update the list…and to learn that in the past 2 years I have crossed of EIGHT items! That’s craziness in the best of ways!!
As you can see, many of my updates have to do with our upcoming move to Florida, more geared to things I can/will do down there. I’ve also removed a few items that hadn’t seen progress in a few years, and updated some that needed to be changed (the books site I mentioned previous was different, and the PBS list seemed more attainable).
So what’s on your bucket list? Do you make an effort to knock out at least one a year?
I do…and sometimes I don’t even realize I’d done more until I look at my list!
Once you start, it’s hard to stop tackling those dreams!!
The past couple of years I’ve made huge leaps in discovering who I am, who I want to be, how I want to live.
