by Sarah | Jan 7, 2019 | All About Me, All of Us, I am a Geek, I Am Polish, I'm A Reader, I'm A Writer, Oola, Personal, Redefining Perfect, Story of Me, The Geek
Everyone puts a face on. They put out a persona on social media, or in real life, of who they want to be, how they want to be seen, a way they think people will like them. We’re extremely adaptable in that way. It’s not wrong, but sometimes we get lost in the shuffle.
I sure as hell did.
I’ve spent a lot of years chipping away at myself to mold myself in a way I thought I would fit. It started in 6th grade when the bullying started (another post for another time, but it was BAD)…and even today between my social anxiety and my chipping away at myself I’d become someone I didn’t recognize.
Oddly enough, the trigger point for me deciding to abandon this practice was the supreme court nominee and the subsequent uproar.
Let me tell you one thing, as a person who hates confrontation and is easily triggered into anxiety by political/religious discussions, discussions of assault, discussions of race…well, it’s a slow process to emerge from that tiny little shell I’d built for myself.
So here I am…taking a step to tell you who I REALLY am behind that facade I so carefully built.
I am a mother of three who sometimes feels completely inadequate as a mother.
I am a former dancer who misses the dance.
I am an author who writes sometimes dark, but always complex romance.
I was born and raised Republican in a suburb of Buffalo…but turned full on liberal in a gradual course that’s led me to not recognize how I could have been raised by such staunch Republicans.
Human kindness and decency win for me over greed and controlling – thus I = liberal.
I may be a part of a cult…okay, not really but for the first time in my life I tout that a self-help book changed my life (you know, that Oola thing)…because it HAS.
I am a Wiccan/Pagan who draws tarot cards and oracle cards. I have studied under a shaman I’m happy to call my friend and an Ojibwe Medicine Woman whose course has had another profound effect on my life. In the past several months I’ve made big steps forward in my faith and feel myself growing because of it.
^^I have ALWAYS hidden my religion unless I’ve felt truly “Safe”…because I live in the bible belt. My parents all but disowned me when they learned about my religious preference. I was raised without church, but my parents went bible-thumping crazy when we moved to Indiana. I joined them for a while but several events made me step back from that faith and find one that spoke to my soul.
I don’t care what your religious preference is, I care what sort of human you are. If you offer to pray for me or wish me a Merry Christmas, I am NOT offended. Love and support is welcome no matter the form.
I am a survivor of sexual assault. I was date-raped by my high school boyfriend on several occasions (including being forced to lose my virginity). I was being groomed by my aunt’s husband for who knows what. This is still VERY triggering for me.
I didn’t tell my mother until 15 years after the grooming about my uncle. It took two more years to tell my father. I’ve never told either about my high school boyfriend.
I love my kids beyond compare – and am way too easy on them sometimes, and way too hard at other times.
I believe my kids should follow their dreams and their happiness – not go to college just because it will “help” them. In fact, if it will send them into debt, I don’t see the point.
I have let things slide I never should have to make & keep friends. I’ve ignored racism, assault, and drama just to belong. Years of bullying left me desperate. I’m desperate no longer.
I’m learning that sometimes you just have to cut people out. I suck at it, but I’m learning.
I currently hate my body. I went from being harassed for being overly skinny, to not recognizing myself with the weight I’ve put on. I know it’s unhealthy to hate my body that’s done so much good (hello, three kids)…it’s just where I’m at. I’m working on it – and being healthier to take care of it. If I’m not treating my body like shit I could love a healthy size 10 or 12 or 14 instead of hating whatever size I am (I’m afraid to try anything on to find out what it actually is). I’m working out and eating better, but it’s baby steps to the elevator.
I am a GEEK. Seriously…Star Trek, Harry Potter, Star Wars…the things I was picked on for in high school are stupid popular in some ways now…or maybe I’ve found my geek tribe? Either way, I’m proud to be a geek.
I’m a sometimes voracious reader (154 books in 2017…only 26 in 2018…it’s a roller coaster), who will now read a wide variety of books. I used to hate non-fic, but I’ve found several that worked for me. I love my books.
I’ve raised my kids to be proud of their otherness, their weirdness. Though I’ve struggled with that outside feeling for so long…I’ve never wanted them to. It seems to be working.
I only hope it does. Because the world would be boring if my kids weren’t their weird, dark, geeky, glorious selves.
by Sarah | Mar 25, 2014 | All About Me, Blogging Life, Redefining Perfect, Story of Me, The Geek, Top Ten Tuesday
I’m a total ghost geek.
I admit it.
Have been for…wow, at least since middle school.
I believe in ghosts, I believe I’ve seen several.
Also, I DREAM of being able to go to a haunted location.
Even my hubby, who doesn’t believe in ghosts, has talked of taking me to one just because I want to go SO.BAD.
So this top ten list – wasn’t easy. Narrowing it down to only 10 locations, but I did. There is no particular order in place here, because there isn’t one I’d want to go to more than another. I want to see them all-fully equipped with cameras, evp recorders, and video. Yeah, totally obsessed.
10. The Bird Cage Theater – Tombstone, Arizona. So much life, and death, passed through here and the tales of hauntings are pretty long standing.
9. The Stanley Hotel – Estes Park, CO. I wouldn’t be a ghost geek if I didn’t want to go to this one.
8. Myrtles Plantation – Francisville, LA. A ghost that shows up in lots of pictures? Uh, yes please.
7. Whaley House – San Diego, CA. Rumors of a man (Yankee Jim), a woman, a small child, and even a small dog have been reported haunting this home for years. It was declared the most haunted house in the US by the Travel Channel.
6. Eastern State Penitentiary – Philadelphia, PA. Gives me the shivers just thinking about going…but that wouldn’t stop me.
5. Villisca Ax Murder House – Villisca, IA. Hundreds of years later the mystery of this house remains. It would be interesting to see what you could find there.
4. Lincoln Square Theater – Decature, IL. Evidence abounds out of this theater. I’d love to add to the stockpile.
3. Winchester Mystery House – San Jose, CA. Another one where I wouldn’t be a ghost geek if I didn’t want to go.
2. Lemp Mansion – St. Louis, MO. I was right near this one a couple of years back. Unfortunately, I was there on a mostly planned weekend and didn’t have time to get to the Lemp Mansion, but next time I go to St. Louis, I AM going to Lemp.
1. Waverly Hills Sanitorium – Louisville, KY. ‘Nuff said.
~The two most likely to happen are the Lemp Mansion and Waverly Hills, because those are within close driving distance. We’ve also talked about doing Waverly Hills since they have a way to sign up and do it. It might yet happen…
~One house is notably absent, and I have many many reasons for it. That’s the Lizzie Borden House. I couldn’t add it to the list for personal reasons.
~Also not on the list are any places from Salem, MA or Gettysburg because…well, there isn’t any ONE place in those towns I could choose over another. I would want to go an experience the whole towns…so it didn’t feel right to add whole towns to the list. 😀
And that’s my list and caveats. 😀
What about you? Are you a ghost geek? Tell me I’m not alone!!
by Sarah | Jun 11, 2013 | All About Indiana, All About Me, Blogging Life, Indiana State Museum, Indy Geek Girls, The Geek
I’ve had a lot of awesome geeky nights – which I won’t get into here – but a couple weeks ago I got stalked by a Wookiee.
I don’t know why that wasn’t on my bucket list.
Except I never thought it would happen.
I was fortunate enough to go to the midnight opening party for the Star Wars®: Where Science Meets Imagination exhibit at the Indiana State Museum.
That meant being in the belly of the beast with fellow geeks, and a lot of them.
While there I got to have fun testing out some of the science stations. While building a moisture farm on Tatooine it began. While minding my own business, filming a video of what I was failing at, something touched my head. A drape of long fur covered my eyes.
Yes, I actually shrieked. But when I looked up and saw Tarrful above me, I laughed and got a bit giddy. Three more times the Wookiee found me and scared me, until I managed to get a hug with him (and then another with Chewbacca, because, of course).
While I can’t guarantee you’ll get stalked by a Wookie (or Darth Vader as my friend Heather was) – the exhibit itself is something to behold. There are three science stations where you can learn to build a droid (or learn that you suck at building droids like I did ~ahem~). You can build a mag-lev vehicle (out of legos!!). You can build a spaceport or a moisture farm on tatooine (unless you ignore directions like I did). You can even ride a hovercraft!
In between all the fan-friendly science games are real props and models from the movies. Among my favorites? Being able to look through the eyes of Vader:
Because seriously, how cool is that?
The exhibit is only $10 for museum members – or an additional $10 on top of your museum admission. The tickets are timed, and they let in 64 people every 15 minutes. You can stay as long as you like once in the exhibit, take all the pictures you want (I may have taken over 500-many of which I’m still editing) – just no flash.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you that for another $5 you can go into the cockpit of the Milennium Falcon and take a ride through space (which is also awesome).
There is so much to see, that I’ve spent almost 3 hours combined in 2 visits and could spend another full day there without feeling like I’d seen everything. Scattered throughout the next few weeks I’ll be giving you more posts that go more in depth o the offered fun at the exhibit, from the displays to the science fun. I have to do it a little at a time – there is so much to offer!
For now I’ll leave you with a few pictures from the amazing exhibits…and the promise of many more pictures to come:
Everyone puts a face on. They put out a persona on social media, or in real life, of who they want to be, how they want to be seen, a way they think people will like them. We’re extremely adaptable in that way. It’s not wrong, but sometimes we get lost in the shuffle.
