by Sarah | Oct 17, 2008 | All About Family
For the past two months one of our neighbors has been taking Brandon to Wednesday night church with her kids. We don’t attend church and I have my own beliefs, but I believe my kids should make their own choices with religion, so I don’t mind him going.Â
Two weeks ago I was driving into my neighborhood and I saw this family across the street from their house in the large church yard. It’s a common sight. The family goes over and plays football or baseball, or plays basketball in the street. Any neighborhood child that comes along is welcome to join.
The mother is ill with MS and cannot work or play with them as much, but she is always outside sitting down in a chair, blanket on her lap in the cold, watching and cheering them on.
As I drove past them two weeks ago playing ball in the church yard I remember clearly thinking, ‘What a wonderful family. They are always out doing that.’ They have always been nice to Brandon, and while kids will be kids (and therefore sometimes be not-so-nice) – the kids have been nice to Brandon, too.Â
Like all families they’ve had their struggles and problems, but watching them play ball in the yard you could see that things were good.Â
Last night their father was killed five miles from our homes. He was driving home from work when a guy (with a .21 blood alcohol level) raced through the intersection he was crossing and all but demolished his car. He died in the helicopter on the way to the hospital.Â
The word was passed quietly from neighbor to neighbor last night, and I was faced with telling Brandon. In typical Brandon-style (so like my own) at first he was fine, calm even. I knew it wasn’t sinking in, he wasn’t getting it. But when he came out a short while later, the tears were quick to fall. This man had been nice to him, was the father of his friends.Â
I’m still trying to figure out how to help Brandon deal with it. I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with it, myself. I wasn’t close with these people, but they were our neighbors and they were good to our kid. She still has children to care for, and her own illness to deal with. I’m certain that our friends and neighbors will get together and figure out a way to help out…but right now I’m just stunned…
And left realizing again that every moment is precious and to treasure it.
by Sarah | Oct 16, 2008 | All About Kennedy
Sorry for being MIA the past couple of days. I was working my arse off to complete a group of purses for a mom in my playgroup. Today I come back, not with a continuation of the story of Riley…but what happens to be strong on my mind tonight…the land of Angel.
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My Nana was a hypochondriac. She had 5 doctors that knew nothing about each other, that each perscribed her different medications. It killed her in the end, though her official death was listed as a heart attack. When I was younger and frequently getting sick my father said to em in a fit of annoyance, “You keep this up you’re going to end up like your grandmother – a hypochondriac.”
It was one of those moments that stick with you – and become your greatest fears. I never take pills/medicine because of this (and my extreme difficulty in swallowing them), I hardly EVER go to the doctor because of it. It has always taken me a lot to take my kids to the doctor.
Then the girls came along and I learned to be an advocate for them. I brought up all of my concerns with the doctor’s. I found a doctor that listened, that understood the challenges, and it bolstered my need to advocate for my girls. In the back of my head was always the concern that I’d gone one too many times to the ped with a concern. That she’d think I was Munchausen or something, but she was always understanding and took my concerns seriously.
But then it happened. The LOOK. At Angel’s 2 year checkup I brought up her extreme temper again (I had three months prior), and my beloved pediatrician gave me…The LOOK. It was full of doubt and the ‘you’re nuts’ factor as she said, “Are you sure it’s not just her being a two year old?”
My faith in my knowledge as a mother was shattered. The fear that I’d tucked safely away came rushing back with a vengeance. I once again fear mentioning anything to the doctor.
First, I want to get a second opinion on Angel from an orthopaedist. I was seriously uncomfortable with what the last one had to say, and the problem is not ‘correcting itself’ as he’d suggested. Watching her day to day increases my concern. But I can’t pick up that phone. Daily I think that I’ll call, I’ll get that appointment with a new ortho…but I can’t dial the number.
Second, I want to bring up a possible cause that I’d passed over briefly before and dismissed…but then Archie brought to me tonight.  It is not a happy diagnosis, and one that would likely be disqualified…but it’s a valid question…but I fear mentioning it to anyone on the medical profession. Fear that they would look at me as a person with far too much google-time.
I hate feeling like this. Like I need to be asking, but frozen with fear and self-doubt. Knowing, deep in my heart, that there is something more. Something else that explains everything…something THEY are missing.
by Sarah | Oct 12, 2008 | All About Marriage
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He was the first to ask US on a date. He included my beautiful three year old on our first date. He thought of us before he thought of me. He took us to an appropriate kid-friendly place. He talked to Brandon, he made Brandon laugh. And when dinner was over, Brandon looked at Archie and said, “Are you coming home to see Mimi and Papa?” The deal was sealed…he was special.
I held back, afraid to give up my heart. I couldn’t tell him I loved him…I was terrified of my past repeating itself. But once I was able to make that step, everything fell into place. Engaged and a wedding date planned before we’d hit the six month point. A fall wedding, as I’d dreamed.
There wasn’t a doubt…WE would be married. Not just Archie, and I…but Brandon, too. He asked Brandon permission to marry me, and he had Brandon give me the ring – sending my mother into a fit of tears. The ceremony would involve Brandon, and we’d be announced as a family.
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And so we were. Our small family embarking on new territory. Making a path none of us was too sure how to follow.  But we trudged ahead and forged it together.
The first year was tough as I pursued roles in Community Theatre as well as marriage and mommy-hood. But from there, community theatre was put on hold to focus on family.
We’ve had our struggles…financially, and emotionally. But we’re now at six years and stronger than ever.Â
He’s the one that’s supported me, no matter what my dream or desire. He believes in me when I’m not so sure I believe in myself. He tells me daily that I’m beautiful, or a good wife, or both. He is proud of me as his wife, and as a mother.Â
So Archie, thank you for six years of wedded bliss (and miss)…our struggles made us stronger…and your love makes me better.
by Sarah | Oct 11, 2008 | All About Molly, Failure to Thrive (FTT), GERD, Russell-Silver Syndrome
Yesterday we covered Riley’s relatively normal pregnancy and childbirth. As I said then; for the first three months everything went smooth – except that she had to sleep propped up in her carseat. She would not sleep lying down at all. Ever.
At three months old, I went back to work. I took a part time evening job waitressing at Bob Evans. The first week of work, things got crazy at home. I would leave and Riley would scream all night until almost 10PM. This was beyond colic, this was intense, pained screaming. Archie blamed it on my return to work the first couple of nights…but then he told me something was wrong.
Archie’s instincts have a way of being right. So, when I had to leave work early (in my first week) to come home because she was so horribly bad off, we determined that we’d call the pediatrician. We were told that if it didn’t improve to make a sick appointment in the morning (it was a Saturday).Â
The next morning we called and made the sick appointment, not wanting to wait until Monday. We took her in and learned that she’d flatlined in her weight gain. In the month since her previous appointment she’d only gained about 3oz.Â
Listening to our descriptions of what was happening the ped suggested that it was likely GERD (reflux), and perscribed Zantac. He told us to try giving her some formula after breastfeeding to weigh down what she was eating (a directive I regret following…but that’s another story). Then he scheduled some tests for us to get a confirmation of the diagnosis.
The next week we were at the children’s hospital with her in the X-ray department having a fluoroscopy performed. I was standing there watching as she swallowed the barium right up. I watched it go down, and stared in shock when it shot back up VERY quick, stopping at her throat before going back down and shooting back up again.
Our diagnosis of silent reflux confirmed, we followed another of the doctor’s directives that I regret….adding cereal to the formula we gave her.Â
Over the next few weeks she went in for weight checks constantly, but her weight gain didn’t rebound. So, under my (supposedly) BF supportive docs suggestion I pumped and switched exclusively to formula w/ cereal added. He said that we would get back to BFing once her weight came back on an even keel.
But the weight never came back, and neither did the breast feeding. Despite the treatments for GERD working in other ways (she would lay down to sleep, the screaming stopped)…her weight couldn’t seem to come back where it was supposed to be.
Eventually it got to the point where her weight was in the -25%. She was at least a pound beneath the lowest line on the growth charts, and we had no idea what to do about it, where to go next.  She was one year old and weighed 15lbs to her 29inches. She was a beanpole – skin and bones. Her hair was thin and practically non-existent.
It was around this time that we ended up switching pediatricians for many reasons. With the new pediatrician came a new look into the weight issues Riley was having. A pair of fresh eyes that would help us try to find an answer.
In came Dr. S. She has been our joy, our savior, and just the best damn pediatrician ever. She started the two year search for answers…
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I’ll continue on Monday with the first stage of our search…from bloodwork, to the specialist and our introduction to Early Intervention!
by Sarah | Oct 10, 2008 | All About Molly, Autism, Failure to Thrive (FTT), IUGR, Russell-Silver Syndrome
When my blog was closed for a couple of weeks I received an email from a new visitor. Her daughter was FTT and they were looking at a possible RSS diagnosis, among every other measure being taken. She asked me for our story and shared hers. Since her last email I’ve been busy and my brain still isn’t functioning so I hadn’t gotten back to her yet…but I thought I’d start to try to answer her question here. Starting at the beginning of our special needs journey that we’ve gone through with Riley. From the beginning…
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For the most part, my pregnancy with Riley went smoothly. I had minor issues with morning sickness (hello Saltines!), and some major skin issues (hello ringworm, dry skin, and excema!). Otherwise, things went well. She, and I, grew normally until around 20 weeks. That was the first time the ‘huh‘ factor came into play. I started measuring just a little small.Â
It wasn’t a panic inducing moment by any means, just a ‘huh‘ and a ‘we’ll monitor it’. My doctor loved excuses for extra ultrasounds (he likes to keep Mama’s happy by letting them see their babies), and he guessed that the small measurements may produce cause for a third trimester ultrasound.Â
As the weeks progressed I continued to measure small, and so I received another ultrasound at about 32 weeks. The ultrasound determined that Riley was small, too. Not a whole lot, but a week or two behind. Still not reason for panic, but reason for monitoring.
For my 36 week checkup I received another brief ultrasound. Riley was growing, but was still showing behind. My OB told me to keep drinking plenty of fluids and he’d check us again in a couple of weeks.
At 38 weeks I was already 2 cm dilated, and my measurements were still small. A final ultrasound revealed that in the previous two weeks, Riley hadn’t grown at all. She still looked healthy, but now looked about 4 weeks behind.Â
My (wonderful!) OB looked between Archie and I and said, “Well, we have a diagnosis of IUGR, probable low birth weight. It’s a medical reason to induce, would you like to go now?!”Â
It took one look and two seconds for Archie and I to say, “YES!!” We drove home from the doctors making calls, picked up our bags and drove the three minutes from our house to the hospital. Idiot me didn’t eat before we went in…but that’s a different story.
I was hooked up to the IV and monitors, where it was discovered I was contracting. At three minute intervals! I had no idea. They started the pitocin, and within half an hour I DID know I was contracting.Â
Long story short, eight hours later Riley pushed herself out (yes, you read that right, I didn’t push…AT.ALL), and came out blue with a nuchal chord (around her shoulder). Luckily, she immediately started screaming and pinking up, but the nurses scooped her up and took her away anyway…there was no instant holding.Â
She was born 6lbs 7oz. She was long and skinny, with a popeye effect…but she was beautiful and fair. She took to breastfeeding like a champ and was released from the hospital in the normal amount of time.
The first three months were wonderful. She was small, but grew on the curve. She fed constantly, but would not sleep lying down. It was our first hint of trouble, but we didn’t realize it. I just let her sleep in her carseat. It propped her up at the right angle and she was too small to roll out.Â
The first three months were magical…she’d fall asleep in my arms, she was tiny and cuddly and totally lovable. We didn’t know what a hectic world and stressful life we were about to embark on…we just saw oru beautiful fair princess staring back at us…
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For sake of length and sanity, this is to be continued :DÂ Tomorrow, I think.
by Sarah | Oct 9, 2008 | All About Kennedy, All About Molly
I have been MIA as I’ve tried to clean off my desk to find my sewing machine and then create a pattern and a purse from said-pattern. I did succeed and now have to make five more purses…but as I have a few days I can share this little story from tonight…
I had gone out to show off the purse to the playgroup-mom that ordered them to make sure she liked the design before I made all six. While I was there my phone rang – it was Archie from home. Immediately after a standard greeting and an “are you on your way home yet?” moment he tells me that Angel scared the daylights out of him tonight.Â
There is a Dora doll. Dora showed up in Riley’s easter basket a couple years ago and ha been passed on to Angel. On this Dora doll is a tag…a long tag. In the past two years the tag has been worn down and is a little threadbare, but still firmly attached.
Archie had settled in to watch a movie after I left, when suddenly he heard, “Daddy, help! Daddy help!” Angel was calling from her bedroom, so in the bedroom he went. He found her thumb swollen and dark purple.Â
She had laced her thumb into the tag and spun the Dora doll until the tag was wrapped up so tight, Archie couldnt’ figure out how to loosen it. He had to cut off the tag to free her!!Â
So after a stressed out mini rant, Archie concluded “She could’ve lost her thumb if she hadn’t called for me!!”Â
Ah, the drama of Mommy being gone….
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On a separate note, Riley came home with a note on her daily report: “Riley’s nose has been running green!” Um, couldn’t they just say, “Please don’t bring her in tomorrow”? Would have been so much easier than me having to get up 7AM to call the school and say she’s not coming in…
