by Sarah | Sep 30, 2015 | All About Denver, All About Family, Redefining Perfect, The Teenager
One year ago I’d never thought it possible.
One year go everything was different.
One year ago there was sullen silence.
Moody glares.
Angry yelling.
Intentional disobedience.
Lying.
Ugliness everywhere.
We were mired deep in the land of the teenager.
A teenager with a girlfriend we didn’t like.
A teenager that seemed to be “perfect” for everyone else.
A teenager I no longer knew.
My first born.
My perfect baby.
Turned into someone I couldn’t relate to.
So much has changed in one year.
There is laughter.
There is communication.
The secretive, angry behavior is lessened.
Not everything is perfect.
But one year ago I never would have thought.
I would be sending my boy off to homecoming.
With a new girl.
A girl he told me about on his own (after hinting for a week).
We are working in a better relationship.
A better place.
A day I worried would never arrive.
by Sarah | Sep 29, 2015 | All About Family, All About Me, All of Us, Crap, Personal, Random, Redefining Perfect
I have so many words.
So many thoughts.
So many hurts.
So many joys.
I am always the shiny happy.
I build walls.
It drives my husband nuts when I fight against breaking them down.
But they are built.
Because I cannot bear what is happening some days.
I am scared by my own inability to handle it.
Because it is happening.
Some days faster than others.
And it is happening again, although I am a distant witness of my own making.
Because I built walls.
And I am fine.
Most days.
Every day.
I handle things because it is what I do.
I support.
I live.
I cajole.
I laugh.
I rarely ever cry.
I am the best listener.
I am the peace maker.
The peace keeper.
The introvert.
The black sheep.
When the walls fall I fear I will break.
But some days.
Some days the bulldozer knocks them down.
And I am unexpectedly shattered.
And I weep.
And I pick myself up.
And I rebuild the walls.
Because I know nothing else.
But to go on.
by Sarah | Sep 17, 2015 | All About Erik, All About Family, All About Me, All of Us, Make-A-Wish, Redefining Perfect
When we first got married, Erik was pretty big into the Simpson’s. Me? Not so much. At one point I bought him a season or two on DVD, but over time the Simpsons sort of faded off into the background. Erik will still enjoy an episode now and then, but it isn’t all-consuming.
When we spotted Bart & Homer at Universal it was tough to get anyone in the house to get a picture, but then Erik decided to go for it and his adoring little daddy’s girl went along for the ride (seriously, look at how she’s just staring at him…awwww).
However…
Apparently all you had to say was “Duff Beer” and “Moe’s” to get the hubby fully on board. When he saw the Duff Beer stand he went nuts…and then when the front of Moe’s pub was free, we had to get a picture. Erik HAD to go to Moe’s, and he HAD to get a beer.
Because that’s what you do if you’ve ever been a Simpson’s fan and end up in Springfield.
It’s just what you do.
You have to.
by Sarah | Sep 16, 2015 | All About Me, All of Us, Blogging Life, I'm A Writer, Redefining Perfect, Wordy Wednesday
This piece was written during a brief stint in a weekly meme where you had a word cap limit. It was multiples of threes, 33 or 300 if I remember correctly were the options. I don’t even remember the name of the challenge.
I called this one “A Love Story in 33 Words”.
I want him.
I love him.
How dare he!
I miss him.
I love him.
Yes I will!
I do forever.
No time alone –
Kids, home, life.
I miss him.
I’m joining him.
And that’s it for this week. Short and sweet. 🙂
by Sarah | Sep 15, 2015 | All About Me, All of Us, Blogging Life, Crap, Random, Redefining Perfect, Top Ten Tuesday
I am not a movie watcher. I will watch them, and enjoy them once or twice. There are a few movies (Galaxy Quest, Star Trek, 27 Dresses, Harry Potter) that I’ll watch over and over…but for the most part I watch it once, twice, I’m done. I don’t sit down and watch movies all day long, I leave that to my husband (gives me the perfect excuse to write).
TV shows, however, are a different story. I love watching TV, I have it on almost all the time in the background. I have shows that I watch repeatedly. Some of them are goofy, I know…likely sentimental, but I love them. If they’re in syndication I seek them out and watch whenever I can. If they’re not, I flat out miss them.
1. Friends – I laughed so much at this show. I still do several times a day. There are some episodes I skip over without remorse…but for the most part I will always watch this if it happens to be on.
2. Dr. Quinn – I actually own this on DVD. I rarely watch it (there’s something about it being on TV…I don’t skip episodes or stop watching when it’s on TV like I do on DVD). But when I was laid up after my surgery I watched a lot of it. Love it, cheesy as hell, but love it anyway.
3. Deadwood – I never knew about this show until it was off the air, so it’s seems silly to say I miss it, but holy cow do I hate HBO for ending this show. It was amazing. Vulgar, yes, but amazing. So much story there, so much intrigue and action and quite a bit of humor too. I will forever love my “cocksucker TV”. And yes, we DO own this on DVD and it’s one of the few shows hubby & I both enjoy watching together.
4. Star Trek: The Next Generation – I didn’t find this show until season 4 when I happened upon the episode “Remember Me” which featured Wesley Crusher (Wil Wheaton). I was instantly smitten. From that point on I sought out the show and watched it whenever I could, cried when it was over, watched reruns to catch up and was so happy the day I found it in syndication. I went to the opening nights of the movies at midnight (ah the days of youth). To this day I love it…I don’t watch it as much in recent years, but my son sure does.
5. Star Trek: Voyager – I know there were a lot of complaints about this show, but I liked it. After the first couple of seasons of whining about getting home they really started exploring and being scientists, I really fell in love.
6. Buffy – Spike. ‘Nuff said.
7. Diagnosis Murder – How badly am I aging myself between this and Dr. Quinn? This was another corny and cheesy show, but I just adored it. I loved Steve and the mysteries and the comedy thrown in. It made me happy, and anything that makes you happy is worth it. I have found it in syndication, but keep forgetting it’s there until it’s over for the day. I need to start remember this sort of thing. 🙂
8. Without a Trace – Missing persons cases brought about shortly after the advent of CSI. It didn’t last as long, but I really enjoyed it. I liked the way they told the story with a back and forth of what happened to the person telling it.
9. Cold Case – Another one that rode in on CSI’s coat tails. I absolutely loved this. My husband hated the flip between past/present actors and the cheesy ending showing the murder victim smiling, but I liked that touch a lot.
10. Will & Grace – Loved everything about this. I know a ton of people hated the finale, and I can’t blame them. I didn’t despise it, I saw where they were going…but I think it went off course some. Still, the show before it was wonderful.
And there we go. 10 shows I miss running fresh stories every week. What shows do you miss showing up fresh and new every week?
by Sarah | Sep 11, 2015 | All About Me, All of Us, Personal, Redefining Perfect, Story of Me
I posted this last year and the year before at this time. I’m re-posting it. I will always repost it every year at this time…
I know what today is. I know what it means to our country. I remember every detail of 2001 in vivid detail…but since before 2001, this date has been difficult for me, for my family…in 1996 my family’s core was lost, the heart of us…my grandfather…so my post on 9/11 is for him. Oh, and at surface glance I hate this picture of me, but then I see the pure joy on my face dancing with my grandfather and aesthetics be damned, it’s my favorite picture.
It was his birthday.
I was about four years old, and a very short kid…and he was TALL.
I remember standing by as he put our coats in the closet. I leaned my head way back to stare up, up, up at him and asked, “How tall are you?” With his sparkling eyes and laugh he informed me that he was over 6′. My eyes grew wide, and all I could say was, “But you’re so close to the ceiling! If you have ANY more birthdays you’ll go right through!”
His chair sat by the front door and the minute he sat the race was on – who would get the privilege of sitting on his lap, carrying on as deep a conversation as a child was capable of? Who would get to play with his round pot belly, and listen to his laughter?
He worked for GM and he was proud of it, and so were we.
When I close my eyes I can still smell his pipe and see the pipe carousel on his dresser. I can smell the cigarettes that he and grandma smoked.
I remember that after he retired he would watch soap operas during lunch.
And I remember the weddings – when my cousin and I would trade off and share him for the dance. “Grandpa” by the Judds.
I remember his smile.
I remember his belly.
I remember the strength that he always carried in his soul and body.
I remember the pain that shot through my heart at the word…”cancer”. Once it was uttered it was less than a year. 10 months.
I remember the first time I saw him in the hospital-and how I had to run from the room because it made me physically ill to see my big strong grandfather lying in a bed weak and hooked up to tubes.
I remember his fight.
I remember when it was acknowledged in our hearts that the time to fight was over.
I remember how he held on – hours past when we thought we would lose him – because he would not let go until he’d gotten to hear the good-bye of all of his grandchildren, and my brother had been in surgery for a shattered wrist around the world in Japan. Half an hour after the final phone call, Grampa was gone.
I remember the sound of the tennis balls scattering across the hallway when my professor’s assistant walked up asking if she knew where I was…and all I could do was run to my car to get home as soon as I could.
From there it’s a blur…a long car ride from NC to NY. The arrangements. The funeral home. The droves of people I didn’t know, but who all knew him, overflowing the room.
The pain has lessened, resorted to a memory. For the most part I remember the love, the good things, the joy. But on this day every year the pain comes back to the forefront.
The pain seems so much stronger now that Grandma has gone to join him.
Refreshed and renewed now, they are together forever, but they will always be here in our hearts.
We love you still, and will always love you, Grampa.
One year ago I’d never thought it possible.
So much has changed in one year.
