by Sarah | Mar 10, 2014 | All About Denver, All About Erik, All About Kennedy, All About Me, All About Molly, Redefining Perfect, Special Needs
Every day I wake up, and my first thought is of my kids.
My first emotion is fear.
Will today be the day Kennedy gets sick? Maybe sick enough for the hospital?
Will today be the day Molly has a breakdown? Will I need to go to school because she isn’t manageable?
Will today be the day Denver ends up in the hospital…again?
Every parent has fears and worries, and mine aren’t “worse” – they’re just different.
But they’re real.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t suffer through the torments of worry. Whether through a passing thought, or an entire run through of possible calamity. Whether for one child, or another, or even all. Whether triggered by a cough, or a teacher email, or just my overall sense of awareness.
It’s always there, lurking, leering, waiting to pounce.
Every day I wake up afraid.
Every day I shove the fear aside and face the day.
I don’t have a choice, and I don’t want one. So long as I can push the fear aside I will. It’s a defense mechanism. Preparing me for the worst, so the every day can feel better for me. So I can see the bright side when things look horrifically dark. So when the worst does happen, I am prepared. I am ready for the hospital check in. I am ready for the teacher meeting. I am ready for the specialist appointment.
I’ll embrace the daily fear, as long as I can continue to see the daily joy.
*~*
Written for Things I can’t Say’s Pour Your Heart Out
by Sarah | Mar 7, 2014 | All About Me, Personal, Redefining Perfect
I’m not prone to nightmares.
I’m prone to strange dreams, colorful dreams, and sometimes insanely happy dreams. At least, the ones I remember.
So when I have nightmares they tend to stick out. Like a few years ago Erik was watching Friday the 13th as I fell asleep and that set off a nightmare about zombies chasing me. I wasn’t even watching the movie, just the music lulling me to sleep set off that nightmare.
Oh, and did I mention all the zombies were movie stars?
Yeah.
*~*
The first nightmare I ever had has been talked about here – you know, I was young enough to be in a crib, but remember the nightmare of tearing up my favorite book.
Yes. My first nightmare was about tearing up a book. Telling, I know.
*~*
At the tender age for four I scared the living daylights out of my dad (or rather, my whole family) early one Sunday morning by screaming bloody murder.
The dream?
I was being chased down by a hive full of angry bees. To my recollection the dream was rather like a cartoon, but at that age, it didn’t matter – it scared the bejeebus out of me.
*~*
At six it was my closet.
See, in the house I grew up in I had a fabulous closet. So big I could lie down in the bottom of it with room to spare. I made pop tab bracelets and necklaces sitting in that closet, made it a clubhouse with my friend Beth from across the street.
That all stopped the night of the dream.
A skeleton was in my closet. A moving, creeping, freaky skeleton.
To this day I don’t like sleeping with doors open. It still freaks me out that bad.
*~*
What about you? Do you have any nightmares you remember? Are you plagued by them regularly? Or are you like me, and they only randomly arise and stick in your memory?
by Sarah | Mar 5, 2014 | All About Home, Blogging Life, Pinterest Challenge, Redefining Perfect
I’m a Pinterest junkie. I pin everything and anything, really. I even have a tendency to make probably 5% of all I pin, that’s capable of being made. Usually food items first, but a craft or two slips in. I want to be more active so I’ve decided to try to do two a month, one food, one craft.
I’m starting with these Mini Red Velvet Cheesecakes (from Sally’s Baking Addiction).
I’m a sucker for Red Velvet, and for cheesecake, so what better, right?
First off, I only have one mini-cupcake pan, so I made regular size cupcakes. The final product looked identical to the mini ones pictured on the original site.
I managed to make the cupcakes in about an hour with little mess. I was even able to wash my mixer while the cookie base baked. The recipe was easy to follow, and I loved the addition of yogurt in the cheesecake.
Of course, the proof is in the final product. The cupcakes came out beautifully. Just stunning.
I could hardly wait the appropriate cool-down period to dive in.
The cheesecake tasted amazing. The red velvet was good, but too much. Because it’s a dense “cookie” form instead of a light cupcake sort, there was too much cookie to cheesecake in the ratio.
My end result? A definite YAY ~ with a sidebar. Next time I make it, I’ll adjust the recipe and make half the cookie recipe, and double the cheesecake. In my opinion that would make perfection!! (and that is just my opinion, the teen is scarfing them down like nobody’s business)
And no, I’m not going to put the recipe here, I made no adjustments, just followed it exactly. So head on over to Sally’s Baking Addiction to get the recipe. It’s delicious.
by Sarah | Mar 4, 2014 | All About Me, Redefining Perfect, Top Ten Tuesday
Books have been my favorite thing for as long as I can remember.
No, really. I’ve often shared the story of how my first nightmare ever was of me destroying my favorite book, [amazon_link id=”B000IYCL4Q” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Bongo[/amazon_link].
So what better way to start my Top Ten Tuesdays then with my favorite books? Trust me, this sucker is going to be a tough list. I have to say this list is “currently” or “for now”. I’m always reading and finding new books, and sometimes forgetting them. So I could come back in a year with a totally different list (or it may stay much the same).
So without further ado…the list.
10. [amazon_link id=”1451657889″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Wicked As They Come (Blud #1)[/amazon_link] ~Delilah S. Dawson — A unique story of vampires in a combination of the modern and a steampunk world. It’s #10 because it took me a little to get through it and get totally caught up, but once I did I was hooked. Loved it!
9. [amazon_link id=”1419709704″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Splintered (Splintered #1)[/amazon_link] ~ A.G. Howard — Wow. I loved this take on Alice in Wonderland!! Totally imaginative and fun. Both the [amazon_link id=”B00FJ7NTP2″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]novella[/amazon_link] and [amazon_link id=”1419709712″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]book 2[/amazon_link] are on my wish list.
8. [amazon_link id=”1594744769″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children[/amazon_link] ~ Ransom Riggs — I honestly didn’t know what to expect with this book. It kept me enthralled with the unusual children based on real photographs. I’m looking forward to [amazon_link id=”1594746125″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Hollow City[/amazon_link]!!
7. [amazon_link id=”031257357X” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Still Missing[/amazon_link] ~Chevy Stevens — An amazing heartfelt story about life after the abduction. The ripple effect carries throughout Annie’s life after she gets home…and the answers she finds have surprises of their own.
6. [amazon_link id=”1439102813″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Still Alice[/amazon_link] ~Lisa Genova — Painful. Beautiful. (Warning: not a recommended read if you have someone in your life with Alzheimer’s, it might be too painful)
5. [amazon_link id=”0425247449″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]What Alice Forgot[/amazon_link] ~Liane Moriarty — A driven mom falls of an exercise bike and hits her head – losing 10 years of her life. The life she remembers is not the life she’s living.
4. The Demon Tales Series ~Kerrianne Coombes — Kerrianne’s take on the classic fairy tales is amazing (and hot). Starting with [amazon_link id=”B00816NFJ8″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Beauty and the Beast[/amazon_link], to [amazon_link id=”B0098M0IYY” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Cinderella[/amazon_link], to [amazon_link id=”1618855964″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Snow White[/amazon_link], and [amazon_link id=”1618859056″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Rapunzel[/amazon_link], I’ve loved every story. I have my hot little hands on [amazon_link id=”B00H29N3A6″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Sleeping Beauty[/amazon_link], too & can’t wait to read it!! I know the author has more coming, I follow her on FB 😉
3. [amazon_link id=”0061962155″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Confessions of a Prairie Bitch[/amazon_link] ~Alison Arngram — Confession here, I did NOT like the TV series Little House. I know, it’s a travesty since the books are in my top 10. Mostly because I thought the TV show strayed too far from the books…and to me that was sacrilege. I LOVED the book. That all being said – I liked this book so much it is the ONLY non-fiction book on this list, especially since I’m not a fan of memoirs in most cases. Alison’s recounting of her time on Little House almost made me want to try watching it again (almost). She displayed humor, grace, and a nice dose of snark, just how I like my peeps.
2. [amazon_link id=”0060754281″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Little House Series[/amazon_link] ~Laura Ingalls Wilder — first books I read, and read religiously. I’m now reading them with my girls and they remain my favorites. They mean too much to me not to. (P.S. the only adaptation I like of the books to film of any kind is the miniseries from a few years back done by Disney.)
1. [amazon_link id=”0545162076″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Harry Potter series[/amazon_link] ~J.K. Rowling — This is the first year I can say that this series makes my top 10. My first read-through I was more “eh” over the series. I didn’t “get” the madhouse fandom. After a second read-through in 2013 I’m totally on board. My girls love them, my husband loves them…the teen never got into them, but that’s okay.
*
And that’s my list for this week. I may revisit this in six months and see if it still stands.
What about you? What are your favorite books? I’m always looking for new recommendations?
Feel free to join me for Top Ten Tuesday! If anyone is interested, I can create a linky 😀
by Sarah | Mar 3, 2014 | All About Molly, Autism, Redefining Perfect, Russell-Silver Syndrome, Special Needs
One of our family’s favorite board games is SORRY! We play round after round on family game nights.
One thing no one ever likes is getting “Sorry’ed” right back to their start. One or all of us have been known to whine and groan over the inevitable gleeful “SORRY!”
No one likes being told to go back to start.
Now, that’s what we have to do.
Almost six years ago Molly received her “official” diagnosis of Autism (as well as Russell-Silver Syndrome). We foolishly felt relief at the diagnosis thinking now we could get help. We didn’t know what the road ahead of us held.
Now we’re drowning.
Since Molly is so high-functioning (possibly Asperger’s?), that our concerns are often set aside by others (i.e. the school) until a specific behavior presents itself. Every year we go in and try to be prepared for everything, but one of a few things happens.
- She starts off so off-kilter by the change of schedule/new event that any quirk seems mild by comparison
- Her behavior is so beautifully spot on and normal that any deviation is like a sudden attack on everything we thought we knew (or rather, they thought they knew)
- A new behavior develops that not even we suspected
This year we have reached a breaking point. The school has set her on a new behavior model because she degraded so tremendously after Christmas break. She isn’t listening to her teachers, she’s refusing to do anything, and she is avoiding tests like the plague (w/ standardized testing in a few weeks, this is not good, even w/ IEP accommodations).
The development of a possible learning disability on top, plus lack of focus, and weird tics and behaviors at home had Erik and I at our wits end.
We called the doc and got her in for her annual physical and set about finding out the next step.
Our pediatricians best advice?
SORRY! GO BACK TO START!!
So we must return to the geneticist that gave us our initial diagnoses. We’ll need to use him to unravel the confusion we’re currently in. There may be treatment for ADHD, we may see about getting her into a local ABA treatment, we aren’t sure what’s going to happen, but we have to go back to the beginning.
Again.
It’s a never ending process of hurry up and wait.
Mostly, Erik and I need to find local support. We find ourselves at such a loss so much, that we’re grasping at straws that aren’t there. We don’t know how to handle things, and that’s something that’s really hard for both of us to admit.
Now we wait until May to meet with Dr. E again, six years after our last appointment. Hopefully he’s able to help not just her, but us, figure out how to go forward now.
All we want is for her to be happy.
At peace.
Peace is so hard to come by.
*~*
Written for Things I can’t Say’s Pour Your Heart Out
by Sarah | Feb 25, 2014 | All About Home, All About Me, All of Us, Photography
Three years ago I started on a trail like this, and didn’t get far. I wish I’d stuck with it, I might not be where I am today.
<<–Do you see that? Almost 30,000 photos taking up 67.2GB of space on my hard drive (external).
I’m fortunate to have a photo managing program that automatically sorts by month and year when I’m in management mode, but still. 30k worth of photos?
And do you know how many are ‘sorted’ in any way shape or form? Maybe 3%
What’s worse? Probably 10% of them are missing the META data…no date (or WRONG date), nothing.
When I want to find a photo, unless it’s been taken in the past few months, it’s a scavenger hunt with pictures and my undependable memory.
So today I bit the bullet and started to remove the clutter.
I now have images sorted by human/family pictures, and not so much. Then divided into years. In the process I did manage to remove 300 photos just by virtue of knowing they weren’t necessary.
Over the next month or two I hope to whittle down all of the blurry, duplicate, needless shots. Most especially of my family. Also, so I can find photos I can use for blog posts, or just for fun.
Then, I want to back them all up (Hello new [amazon_link id=”B003MVZ8NI” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]DVD+R[/amazon_link]’s) on discs and store them somewhere safe.
Lastly, I want to print some out to have on hand.
My family deserves better than this disorganized mess. and my brain will be much happier in the end.
(Soon, I’ll be starting the same de-clutter concept on my house…it’s worse than my photos…we are such packrats)
Every day I wake up, and my first thought is of my kids.
