by Sarah | Dec 4, 2010 | Random
In case you live under a rock and didn’t already know, there’s a great new challenge of sorts out there in the blogosphere. It’s called #Reverb10. It’s a chance to reflect on 2010 and set your destiny for 2011. Through a series of (very inspiring) prompts. You’re not required to post daily, but can do a few at a time if you want. Anyway, first I saw that Mishi was doing it, and then Lotus, and then on twitter I got a nudge from Mishi asking if I was taking the challenge. Well, I can never turn down Mishi…even if I hadn’t already been seriously considering it, she tipped the scales, so here I am. Once again posting in December (at this rate I should have signed up for NaBlo for December!!). This could be a long post, but I’ll try to keep it short.
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December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)
My word for 2010 would have to be:
CHANGE
2010 brought a lot of change in my life. Archie and I changed the way we related, the way we communicated. After a rough year in 2009 (we had a very rough patch), we worked on repairing our relationship. It’s changed our relationship for the better. We also experienced the sudden loss of my grandma, Riley starting Kindergarten, Brandon joining Scouts and Cross Country – not to mention his voice changing – which all helped turn him into a young man, an almost officially teen young man. Angel’s illness changed, becoming no longer a diagnosis and more a reality. The girls finally changed and became potty trained. And our status as a parent of 2 special needs children has changed into possibly 3 special needs kids. The last change happened here on this blog. For well over a year I neglected it, posting sparatically, insignificant posts that didn’t MEAN anything. In just the past two months I’ve started a gradual change in myself, and am trying to reflect it in my blog. I’m writing more, and yes some of it is fluff, but it’s changing, becoming much more honest about who I am, and who we are.
In 2011, I want my word to be:
GROWTH
I want to take 2011 and see growth in all areas of my life. I want to take charge of myself and really grow in the new year. In all aspects of my life.
I want to stop leaving behind goals and dreams, and get the strength to follow them through.
To grow my blog. To grow in my photography. To grow in my family, in my spirit, in my home and every aspect of my life.
I want to see my family grow stronger, more capable, more joyous in our every day.
I want everything about my life to grow. Change will not scare me, because it will mean we are growing.
December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)
I spend way too much time surfing and watching the TV. It doesn’t contribute to anything in my life – certainly not my writing. I can eliminate it, I HAVE to eliminate it. I need to organize my life better so that I’m not wandering around aimlessly in the WWW when I could be doing something meaningful – whether it be writing, taking care of my home & family or taking pictures.
December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)
This is difficult. One moment that I felt most alive. There were a few. My first wine tasting with my husband. Our weekend getaway downtown where we just walked the city and dined out, spending the night in a nice hotel. The photo walks I went on with my son, where we shared a love of photography and a bit of one on one time.
But I think it was in this moment. I had broken the 2.75 mile barrier on a run when I was attempting the C25k and felt proud and so very alive despite my exhaustion.
I have since fallen out of the running habit, and now with snow on the ground and no gym membership affordable it’s not looking likely to get re-started in the next couple of months…but I have every intention of starting it up again. I loved the sense of accomplishment this horrible non-runner got from beating the previous pace, building up my stamina and getting healthy again.
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Yes, it is December 4th and there’s already a prompt for today, but I’m out of time and I’ll be back on Monday with another three days of #Reverb10
by Sarah | Dec 3, 2010 | All About Denver, All About Erik, All About Kennedy, All About Molly, Fatherhood Fridays
The holidays are always hard on me. I wasn’t the happiest or sunniest child, and that has carried over to adulthood. It always felt as if they snuck up and hit me in the back of the head, but then didn’t run away but stayed to continue doing it until February or March. There is some SAD to it, mixed with my own general depression/anxiety/obsessive-compulsive traits. Having kids has made it a lot better and I enjoy our Christmases together. As a parent, one of my biggest struggles has been to be upbeat and excited about the holidays throughout the year. Each year, I persevere, yet feel as if I leave too much for my wife to do. Sometimes it’s the way duties are separated in the household, each having mostly consistent roles and chores to be done. But nothing is ever written in stone.
Sadie is a SAHM, so most of the household duties fall to her; like dishes, laundry, cleaning, & cooking. I will occasionally do some of those, but never cooking(I’m a horrible cook). I usually take care of maintenance on the house & cars, do yard work, and of course, go to work daily to support all of us.
But when it comes to administering to the kids needs, physically and emotionally, both of us handle it together. Sadie is a bit more of a nurturer than I, but there are certain situations that I am better suited to address. And as for Sadie and myself, we have mostly balanced each other out well over the years. When I am struggling, she is able to keep from bottoming out. And when she is stressed past the limit, I am able to help her back to even ground.
What is hard about this year, and we try not to focus on the negative, is that our kids are having struggles with things we can’t help them with. We’re both still shell-shocked about Brandon’s preliminary diagnosis of CF, the reality is settling on us slowly, heavily. It was just so out of the blue, we thought to have him tested, but knew that nothing would come of it. I blame myself, but most parents do when something goes wrong for their kids. I know Sadie blames herself too, just a natural reaction. He is still getting high grades, wants to continue sports in the spring, and loves Boy Scout campouts. We think he is happy, or at least as happy as a twelve year old can express.
Angel having complications with her CF is not unexpected, but still is unsettling. How her function can go up and down so fast is scary, and makes us wonder if we’re not watching her close enough. Now she may have strep, although I don’t know the full ramifications of this yet. She gives us no symptoms or complaints until she is already well into sickness. However, she still has the brightest smiles and chatters about everything constantly. She can be read like an open book, but a book that you enjoy so much, you never want to put it down.
Riley is,…..well….we love Riley. As Sadie has posted, she has advanced and regressed at the same time. Riley is a whirlwind at home; usually blond hair flying behind her, fighting with and screaming at her sister, and talking so fast you can’t make anything out. In school, the reports are all saying that she is remaining on task better and learning LOTS of things. Infrequently at home, Riley withdraws into herself and just seems to vacate her body. This is usually when she is peaceful at home(not often). But she is slowly coming around to talking with us(REAL CONVERSATION MATERIAL). And she can be so loving sometimes, that her issues fade into the background.
I’m not saying that we have any more to deal with than any other parent. I’m just saying it’s tough, tough to be everything all the time. I have more respect now for my parents than I ever did before. Being a parent of children of special needs children is a hard job, but I have a feeling it won’t be the hardest thing I’ll ever do. That will be when they grow up and leave their mother and me.
I guess all I am really saying is love your kids. Love their strengths. Love their weaknesses. Love them as much as you can. Special needs or not, we are the lucky ones. Our children are alive and fighting, and we are in there fighting even harder along with them.
Enjoy your holidays!
by Sarah | Dec 2, 2010 | All About Learning, All About Molly, Autism
Back in November we had our long awaited IEP meeting.
They’ve confirmed and called it Autism Spectrum Disorder, Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified. In other words, they aren’t specifically labeling yet. They need more time to decide if it’s PDD-NOS or Aspergers (both of which she has indicators for).
Therapies are in place to help her.
Her testing has been altered to accommodate her needs.
Goals are set.
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According to her teacher, outside of the initial very rough period of adjustment after her switch to full-day kindergarten she’s made leaps and bounds in her progress. Her fits are fewer, she’s more willing to sit for projects.
She still doesn’t play with the other kids, and they don’t play with her. She shadow-plays their play…and occasionally attempts interactions – but she is ‘different’ enough in how she tries to play that the other kids don’t really respond to it. That worries me.
But she LOVES school. LOVES learning. Is so excited to go every day. Counts down the days until she can go back when it’s the weekend.
All along I’ve been convinced that school was wrong for her.
Some days I still believe that.
But I can’t deny her excitement to learn, to be at school.
But then I see the signs that everything isn’t hunky dory.
Beyond behavioral issues – the inability for her to settle down when she gets home. The increased fighting w/ her siblings.
There’s the sudden aversion to eating. She’s so skinny, she can’t afford to not eat. She’s turning vegetarian, refusing any and all meat – which would be fine if I had the slightest clue how to feed a vegetarian (we are a MEAT loving family here). Beyond that, her lack of eating is resulting in thinning hair again. I rarely try to give her ‘pretty hair’ any longer because her hair is so thin, I just can’t style it.
And the bed wetting. I don’t blame her or yell at her. She apologizes every time. She just doesn’t know. She crashes SO hard after big overstimulating days that she sleeps right through her need to go. It’s not her fault, but I have enough laundry without this kind of event happening nightly.
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I’m still worried.
My heart is torn.
There is no right.
Keep her in, how many more behaviors will emerge?
Take her out, break her heart and cause another meltdown triggered by a major change.
There is no right.
I’m incapable of helping her.
Of handling my own conflicted thoughts and heart and mind.
Lost.
So afraid of making another wrong turn.
Afraid that we’ve already screwed her over.
Afraid that we won’t be able to correct this.
Afraid that she’ll never ‘fit in’ and always feel that pain the way her daddy does.
by Sarah | Dec 1, 2010 | Holidays
I remember both of my grandmother’s very clearly. Neither fit the stereotype that exists in modern culture. They weren’t bakers. They were unique. I loved them both, but I always wondered if that stereotype existed (now that I’m older I’m almost certain it doesn’t – I’ve never met one myself).
Now that I’m a mom, I’ve become obsessed with this time of year, making everything perfect. Making dozens (or hundreds, if you will) cookies and treats.
Three years ago when I started the trek into going nuts with the cookies I knew I wanted to do something beyond cutouts. Those would always be a staple, but I wanted variety. In my quest for that variety I knew I wanted to give a nod to my heritage.
I’m half-Polish, you know.
But as I said – I don’t remember my Nana baking in the time I knew her.
So, I started a search for Polish Christmas cookies. I stumbled upon this recipe for “Polish Apricot-Filled Cookies”. Further research gave me the name Kolaczki. I have also since learned that they can be filled in other ways, but I’m not about to change what has become a yearly demand in my house. It is now Archie’s favorite, and I can hardly keep his diabetic fingers out of the cookie jar.
Another thing I love about these, especially this year when I’m trying to pre-make all I can…is that you can pre-make all the parts of this in advance. Freeze the dough, keep the filling in the fridge. Make it when you’re ready. You could even put them completely together and freeze them whole, taking them out to bake later. Very convenient recipe.
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Kolaczki
Dough
2 & 1/4 cups Flour
1/2 tsp salt
8oz cream cheese
1 cup butter
1 lg egg, lightly beaten w/ water for egg wash
Apricot Filling
1 & 3/4 cup coarsely chopped dried apricots
2/3 cup honey
1/4 cup sweet orange marmalade
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 cup water
1. Make Dough
Beat cream cheese and butter on med-high until creamy reduce speed to low
Sift together Flour and Salt, then add to cream cheese mixture until just combined.
Divide dough into 4 portions, wrap in plastic wrap and chill until firm, at least 2 hours
~~At this stage you can also freeze it for later use (that’s where mine is right now)
2. Make Filling
Bring ingredients to a boil in a heavy saucepan over medium heat.
Reduce heat and let simmer until apricots are softened and mixture is thick.
Transfer to small bowl and cool until just warm – at least 30 minutes.
Put into food processor and pulse until finely chopped.
Chill until cold – at least 2 hours.
3.Assemble Cookies
Preheat oven to 375
Line baking sheets w/ parchment.
Take 1 piece of dough from fridge (keep others chilled), roll out between 2 sheets of well-floured wax paper into about 11-inches square.
Trim edges so square is 10 inches across.
Cut into 16 equal squares (about 2.5 inches a piece)
Put squares onto cookie sheet and put into freezer for a quick chill (you want to keep dough cold)
At this point you can start a second cookie sheet, or just do one sheet at a time. I’d keep dough in freezer for maybe 5-10 minutes.
Working quickly, put a tsp of filling into the center of each square.
Brush two opposite corners w/ egg wash, then bring those two corners together and pinch to seal.
Continue through all 16 squares. If dough starts to get soft, pop back in freezer for a few minutes.
4. Bake
Bake until golden, about 17-20 minutes.
Transfer to racks to cool.
If desired, sprinkle with powdered sugar.
*These are best kept in an airtight container, and are best fresh, within a week…if you can keep them around that long.
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This post is a part of Tara’s Holiday Cookie Exchange. Expect probably one other post, hopefully with a more recent, and better looking picture than what I had for this. Like I said, my Kolaczki’s are currently in the freezer waiting on baking closer to the time I hand them out!!
by Sarah | Nov 30, 2010 | All About Me
I mentioned it early in the month. I had agreed to participate in NaBloPoMo.
I’m glad I managed it. I wish to heaven that every single post had been quality. I admit whole-heartedly that a few days were junk.
What I got out of it – the happiness that I have managed to consistently post. After almost a year where I couldn’t seem to come up with one post a week, barely two a month – it feels good to be posting with some consistency again.
I’m not the type of person that can likely post something EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. I can definitely manage several a week and be content with that. I would like to post every day, but I don’t like posting drivel.
When life gets the better of me, and it will happen, I won’t panic about not getting a post in THAT.DAY. But I will try to soon.
There were several posts I made this month that I am proud of, and I’m going to link them now 🙂
*I loved my Weekly Winners back at the first of the month.
*I Am Real
*Angel made my heart swell with love and showed me that there is never enough.
*I expressed my guilt and fear over Brandon’s condition.
*I flashed back to my past while trying to treasure the now.
*And finally I got waxing (haiku) poetic over Christmas decorations.
All in all, a crazy month, happiness, sadness, tears and laughter all mixed in. My son broke his arm, and then had a positive CF test. My Riley had her IEP plan set for school and has shown us both progression and regression, stirring hope and fear and leaving us just as confused, it not more so, than when this month started. Angel tricked us into thinking everything was hunky dorey before scaring the pants off of us by having alarmingly low lung functions.
But then there was Thanksgiving, and wonderful blogger parties, and preparing for Christmas, baking, knitting and decorating.
I’m glad I did NaBlo and while I’m not crazy enough to try to commit to it for December again (during Christmas?)…but I need to learn how to say no. So I’m only committing to posting regularly – at least 4 days a week. So it’s regular, but I will not burn out.
I expect to commit to another NaBlo month in the coming year…but for now I’m going to enjoy the month and regularly blogging again.
Thanks for visiting so much and pushing my numbers up to surprising levels! It’s been a wonderful month and I hope you keep coming back!!
by Sarah | Nov 29, 2010 | All About Family, Holidays
Each year it’s the same
From storage, boxes emerge
Marked with black sharpie
One by one we find
Carefully wrapped memories
Hanging by thin threads
Sometimes the year blurs
Sometimes it’s plain to be seen
Each time the heart tugs
Family gathered
Love, laughter, peace, understanding
Problems disappear
Memories held close
Pulled from storage once a year
Shimmering brightly
But I think it was in this moment. I had broken the 2.75 mile barrier on a run when I was attempting the C25k and felt proud and so very alive despite my exhaustion.
