Two pictures from the Indian Summer walk we enjoyed. First is a little shadow play, and then one of my favorite pictures ever…
Shadow Play
In Your Eyes
* Just makes me think of the Peter Gabriel song “In your eyes, I am complete”.
**** Head on over to check out who else is flipping out:
Yesterday I proudly displayed these pictures as part of my Weekly Winners. One thing I didn’t do was tell the little story behind them. The one that brought me to tears as I was sharing it with my husband.
At the end of our long Indian Summer walk, my little Angel spent the time picking “poofy heads”. After gathering one for her and each of her siblings we moved into the wish making phase of the task.
She pulled them close and took a deep breath. Then she looked over at me and smiled and said, “Mommy, do you know what I’m gonna wish for?”
“No, baby…what?”
“To love you more.”
I’d wish for the same, Angel…but right now it would be impossible to hold any more love in my heart for you, it is so full of love and pride. My beautiful, loving ray of sunshine.
All taken w/ Canon Rebel XTi.
For week 11/07-11/13/10
We had a few gorgeous days this week. My parents dog arrived on Thursday (we’re dogsitting while they are on a cruise)…and Angel needs to get as much exercise as possible to try to build up her lung stamina o we went for a lovely walk and I was smart enough to take my camera. These are all of my absolute favorites except 1. That one will appear on Tuesday for my Flip Side pictures :D.
Special Delivery
*My yarn arrived much faster than expected. My fingers will be very busy in the coming weeks.
Blessed, Blinding Sun
Colored Intense
Bright Berries
Poofy Heads
Making Wishes
Wishes Granted
Daily Dose of Sunshine
Arachnia
Reminder of what Season it Really Is
That’s all for this week. Head on over to Lotus‘ digs to see more!!
I hide.
Weekly I’ve been doing this Flip Side meme. Trying to learn to like myself again through these photos. It’s working in pieces…but then I realize I still hide.
No picture goes unless I’m sure it’s my ‘best’ side. I’m either made up, my face is at the right angle, my chin is present (it does like to disappear), my nose isn’t off…and so much more. Hundreds of photos are dismissed.
The real me is never revealed.
When I go out it’s the same. Leaving the house without makeup? Sacrilege. Going out where I will see real people in ‘comfy’ clothes? I did that last week w/ some Indy bloggers and it about killed me to leave the house like that. Best foot forward and all.
But that isn’t always me.
I have more tired, non-made-up, dark-circled, feeling fat days than I do ‘feeling beautiful’. My kids are always going. I am always going. I’m writing, I’m singing, I’m wifing, mothering, sewing, knitting, baking, cooking, doctoring, therapizing, advocating, teaching, learning, crying, laughing, reading and never sleeping.
I have dark circles, they’re partly genetic, partly earned.
I spend days wrapped in a cloak of fear. I spend days bolstered by the shining rays of hope. I spend days being lazy, curled on my couch with my computer and doing absolutely nothing. Then I turn around and spend days cleaning, scrubbing, baking.
I have three kids that beyond their medical issues are SIBLINGS. They scream at each other, beat each other up, then turn around and laugh and play with each other. One minute I’m breaking up a war, the next I can’t stop the smile from their goofiness.
I am tired. I am happy. I am me.
It’s time to stop hiding. Life isn’t always pretty – and neither am I.
But I am real, my life is real.
(Post 1 in a short series about what I, my family, and this blog are and what they will be. I’ve come to a realization over the course of this NaBlo thing this year. My blog needs more substance, more real…and that means I have to face some realities of what I’ve done, my own self-imposed limits that need to be lifted. I also have another short series planned called The Fracture Fallacy…more on that later, though 😉 )
Thanks to a little prodding early enough in the week, we’ve been granted a visit from Archie this week. I need to try to prod him more regularly. His posts are always a pleasure. This week he gives us a bit of a ‘state of the union’.
My wife likes me to write a guest blog occasionally, I lack the initiative to make it a regular thing. But I made it here today, so let’s see what obnoxious thoughts we can pour out of my head, without tainting you all further.
Sadie’s dad and I took Riley and Angel to the Father/Daughter Fall Ball this past weekend. I’m hoping that this will be the start of many, and that the girls will come to view it as special time with the old man. Right now, they were more interested in balloons and dancing to some teeny-bop music than slow dancing to “Butterfly Kisses” with their dad. But they had fun. I did too.
We then started the week with a meeting with the school psychologist for Riley. Nothing particularly revelatory, stuff we have known for a while and have been dealing with. But every time the diagnoses and the accompanying criteria are spelled out in front of us, it hurts just like the first time I heard my little gator was not okay. Monday was no exception. But the school has an IEP meeting scheduled for us next week to address Riley’s issues and how proceed in her best interest. I have more faith in our school system than Sadie, but that’s tentatively based on how Riley accepts the adjustments. What it really boils down to is that we are both concerned that Riley will fall in the cracks and get forgotten, and we are working to find the best option for her with the least amount of collateral damage.
The other kids are well. Sadie posts often that the boy is really growing up, and I couldn’t agree more. He is turning into a fine young man, and humility and decency are really starting to come out in him. He has always been smart, and he doesn’t seem to be afraid to use his intelligence. We couldn’t be prouder. Right now he has a broken arm and pneumonia, and although I am tired of hearing Nintendo DS and Mythbusters marathons, he still makes me very happy to have as a son. Unless he were to clean his room. Ever.
Angel is……..well, we love Angel. She has the widest range of emotion in all of us. She is the most charming child in our household, and represents our happiness at its core. We are lucky to have been given such a bright ray of sunshine, to light our faces and warm our souls. She alone represents the best in us, and sometimes the worst. I worry about her sometimes, but she usually makes me forget that by smiling in the most disarming way.
This week at Angel’s cf clinic, we discovered that her overall lung function has dropped alarmingly. She is now back on a whopping dose of medicines that she neither likes nor wants, and we as the parents have to make sure she toes the line. Thing is, we have not noticed any of the usual signs that she might be in distress including labored breathing, wheezing, tiredness, lethargy, etc.. She has less than a month to improve, and if she doesn’t, she will have to be admitted to the hospital. See why I worry about her? With her brother sick, I feel like hovering over her, even though that will likely irritate her. I love Riley Children’s Hospital, but I don’t want my baby there for Christmas. She needs to be home with her family. If she can’t be, then we will have Christmas at the hospital with her. Period.
A sometimes blessed, heartbreaking, chaotic, neurotic, emotional, and never quiet household. It helps to take my mind off the world at large, with all of the horrible things people do to each other in all forms. My heart bleeds when I read the news, but when I come home, I only need the three faces of my loved ones to smile at me and it all goes away. Even if just for awhile.
I am trying to write(fiction), but it is tough. I had a really good thread started, but it disappeared from my computer and I’ve been reluctant to start again. I envy my wife’s ability to create, but then women are made to create. I like working with old cars, although my skills are limited to finish work. I like to blow sh!t up sometimes too. Or shoot something with a gun. And drink a beer while doing any of the preceding. I belong to a good family, that always has room for more, if not in our house then certainly in our hearts. Come see us sometime.
Sarah turned my own question around on me…so I’m going to answer it 🙂
What do you do to relax?
To answer that I have to take a little copout and say that it really depends on the day.
Most days I get away with some knitting, sewing, writing, or surfing on the net. Once the house is quiet I get my me time. Either with yarn, fabric or the clicking of my keys. If I’m a bit more stressed and ‘in the zone’ I like to write because I can abuse my characters and that’s a great way to vent anger or frustration. If I’m not in the writing zone, it’s all about my yarn and fabric or my friends on the internet.
Then there’s my bathtime. Yup, it’s a waste of water, and the whole ‘baths are gross’ arguments…but there is something about settling into warm water and bubbles. Soaking in the warmth while reading or playing word games. Especially in the cold winter weather, it’s one of my favorite ways to relax.
During the summer, it’s sitting out on the deck with friends. A good glass of wine. Good conversation. Our kids playing together, while we unwind. It’s good stuff.
When it gets really tense, the kids are really on my last nerve my best way to relax is to get away. Hand them off to Archie and go out to window shop. I rarely buy anything (unless I actually have a need), just browse through some of my favorite stores. Scan the (diminishing) fabric choices at JoAnn’s. Wander the shelves of Barnes & Noble. Just get away from the every day.
And those are my best choices to relax.
******
I’m still happy to take your questions. Go ahead and ask them here, you don’t have to find the original post to ask a new question 🙂