J is for Jovial #AtoZchallenge
Quick and dirty since I was clueless on J and am now running REALLY late (long day).
I is for Interstate #AtoZchallenge
The path is familiar.
Second nature.
The first time I followed it, I was only 14.
Unable to drive.
Unable to process what it meant.
How I would change.
While the path stayed the same.
*
The first time it was the I-90 to 271, to 71, to 270, to 70…and off the highway in the middle of Indiana.
A far cry from home.
From the suburbs of Buffalo, the suburbs of Indianapolis – that felt to me more rural than suburban.
From attitudes and pride, to looking people in the eye and church.
A foreign land.
*
For three years we traversed the path between two worlds frequently.
We lingered in the past, and at the same time moved forward.
Our lives moved on, and a few years later, so did we.
We left behind Indiana and followed new paths…
Only to return again.
Not “home”…no, not New York.
“Home.” Indiana.
*
20 years later I could still drive the path blindfolded.
I know the way.
I can still find my way through my old home town, even though I learned to drive 500 miles away from it.
Instinct brings me back around.
But I don’t.
*
Now the roles are reversed.
This foreign land has become home.
Familiar.
Safe.
The last time I drove that route was 2 years ago…and it was for a funeral.
Before that, almost 4 years had passed.
I missed much.
So much it’s now foreign.
There are days I miss that land.
Days I feel my heart call me home.
But life has moved on.
And so have I.
*
I will return again.
I will eat the familiar, delicious foods.
I will drive the pathways that no longer lead to the same places I remember, where strangers now live, or where the home itself has been changed.
Because a piece of me will always remember and belong.
*
Those interstate pathways carried me away.
Took me to places I never expected.
But they can never lead home again.
The A-Z Challenge has over 1900 participants, all blogging from A to Z this month. Check them out and see if you can’t find a few new favorites!!
H is for Hummingbird #AtoZchallenge
This hummingbird glass sculpture was purchased to be my cake-topper at my wedding to match the light hints of hummingbird throughout my wedding (like the hummingbirds mom embroidered on my dress). Less than a year after the wedding my cat skidded across my dresser, knocked it to the ground and shattered it. I refuse to throw it away. It sits there, sealed in a plastic bag, for eternity. The symbol of the hummingbird means too much to give up. I dream of finding someone to fix this cake-topper, even though I know it’s not possible.
*~*
My grandparents used to take an annual trip to see my Grampa’s brother. They’d go out to Massachusetts and spend time with family, and then return home to Buffalo.
One of their favorite parts of the trip was sitting outside and watching the hummingbirds buzz around.
Then, my great-uncle passed away, and my grandparents went out for the funeral. On their last night there, in the cool evening air they spoke of my uncle. As he sat there talking, a hummingbird flew up near my Grampa’s shoulder and hovered. It lingered near his face for several minutes, flitting back and forth before flying off.
They all decided that had been my great-uncle stopping by for one last visit.
Almost seventeen years ago, after a year’s fight against cancer, my Grampa passed away.
It was September in Buffalo. Cold air had begun to move in. All summer things were fading. I returned to New York with the funeral, and then went right back to NC to return to school.
Three weeks later the family grapevine lit up with the story.
At the end of September, Gramma was out on her porch to bring in all the chairs, etc. for winter. It was a yearly ritual when it just became too cold to sit on the porch. Since it was sunny, she decided to sit outside for one last afternoon. Wrapped in her sweater she sat, watching the cars go by as she always did.
There.
In the cold end of September.
Hovering near a hanging plant.
Buzzed a hummingbird.
It flew under the porch roof.
Hovered near Grandma.
And then took off.
*
Every September for the past sixteen years.
Even if I have not seen one all year.
A hummingbird shows up.
Every year.
*~*
I won’t let go of the cake topper.
The hummingbird is still in one piece.
And Grampa still visits.
The A-Z Challenge has over 1900 participants, all blogging from A to Z this month. Check them out and see if you can’t find a few new favorites!!
G is for (uni)Goat #atozchallenge
In a house of girls, many favorites pass through these halls.
Stuffed animals galore go from favorite, to well worn, to out the door.
One of the oldest and still most cherished are two identical animals.
So old, the glitter that once adorned them is worn off.
The fuzzies are no longer fuzzy.
The ‘hair’. is matted and ripped off, and what’s left is knotted.
But in this house, these animals aren’t called unicorns.
Oh no.
It’s the unigoat.
F is for Footlights #atozchallenge
After the love of dance came a love of theater.
Something I wasn’t “allowed” into by the lover-of-sycophants choir teacher during high school.
Something my husband was good enough to support me in right around the time we got married.
For a year I was on stage. 4 shows in 12 months.
By the end, my husband was ready for me to be home…and so I took a break, but got pregnant before I could make a grand return.
But I’ll carry these memories forever.
Because it was awesome.
(All images from a production of Sugar Babies: The Burlesque Musical. While I was in 3 others, I do not have digital images from them.)
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E is for Escape #atozchallenge
Some days it’s too much.
All the little things that need done.
All the big things that need done.
Housework.
Insurance companies.
Tucking in.
Doctors.
Medicine.
Is that cough too much?
Is that another meltdown?
Why is the teacher calling now?
Why didn’t insurance cover?
What is taking so long?
What is sleep?
*~*
Sometimes.
In quiet moments.
When stress is high.
When faith is low.
I’ve dreamed of running.
Disappearing.
Escaping.
To a world without these things.
Where no one knows me.
People do it all the time…
Why couldn’t I?
*~*
I’m where I’m supposed to be.
I recognize my weakness in those moments.
I return to my head to see the doe-eyed admiration.
Feel the tightest hug from the skinniest arms.
Bask in the sarcastic love of a teenager.
I remember that to escape would be to lose this.
And I’m home again.
*~*~*