by Sarah | Jan 11, 2013 | Crap, Random
There are times, moments really, when I am full of hope and vigor. The future holds so much promise.
The sun shines.
Birds sing.
My children smile.
The calm is a good place to be.
Life can’t ever let you stay there – because how could you enjoy those moments if they are all you have? How can you sit back and soak in the joy of good moments and glad tidings if you never get poor news.
This week, maybe three, have been a crap-storm of bad.
Buried under in negativity, pressure, and tears.
I can think of three or four instances where I’ve been ready to throw up my hands and say “That’s it. I’m done!”
But I weather through.
I stand firm against the tornado.
I close my eyes against the driving needles of sleet.
I cover my ears against the ringing pain of the wind.
I brace my spine with steel so it won’t break under the pressure.
Because I know the good is coming again. I can bear the pain, so that I can revel in that joy just a little more next time it comes.
It’s there, on the horizon. Right within my grasp.
Tomorrow, or next week, or next month, it will arrive.
The calm after the storm.
And I will have earned it. We all will have earned it.
by Sarah | Dec 21, 2012 | All About Family, All About Me, Crap, Random
[flickr id=”8275837319″ small=”thumbnail” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]2012 has been a very long, and painful year.
Struggles have abounded. Many that you’ve seen, some that I haven’t been able to post about (or started to, but had to stop because we’re not as out of the mess of it as we thought we were).
The pain and struggles have taught me a number of lessons, important lessons. Lessons I will carry with me into 2013.
For now, though.
For now I’d like a measure of peace.
A few days to breathe.
To not pretend this year has been great, that I’m fine, we’re all fine.
Good things did happen, yes…a few very wonderful things.
But bad things have too – and the bad things have beat me down a bit.
So, just for today.
For today I’m going to submerge in peace.
by Sarah | Dec 20, 2012 | All About Me, Crap, Random, WTF?
[flickr id=”8275829697″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]Full of the Christmas Spirit (or is that panic?) – I dove into wrapping presents on Saturday.
I had a huge pile of gifts to go through, a good amount of new rolls of wrapping paper and some old rolls in my trust wrapping paper box that I’d used for years. I do mean years, it’s an old packing box. Plain cardboard, tall to accommodate the long rolls of paper.
Because I have been using it for years and it’s stored in our only storage area – the garage – some of the wrapping paper in it was well squashed down. Smashed and broken from years of careless tossing into the box.
With all the new rolls I thought it was as good a time to clear out the damaged rolls.
I began pulling them out of the box and realized there was stuff hidden underneath them. An old (now broken) Easter basket I never used, some Easter faux grass, some Christmas cards, stocking stuffers. I noticed an odd stain in the corner of the box and cursed that the bugs had gotten into the box like they do everything else in my garage.
And then…
I realized the stain wasn’t bug remains.
It was bird poop.
And the contributing animal lay dead midway through the box.
I have to say I almost threw up right then.
Box went in the trash and I thanked the heavens that I’d had the foresight to buy new wrapping paper.
This year?
I’m spending the money for a proper storage box.
I never.
Ever.
Want to see something like that again.
~shudder~
by Sarah | Oct 8, 2012 | All About Kennedy, Crap, Random
[flickr id=”5993418909″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]Last year Molly and Kennedy were playing and there was an incident. A finger (or was it a dinosaur?) went astray and Kennedy got poked in the eye. Her left cornea was scratched and after almost a week of pretty hefty pain she was better. The scratch was off to the side and not a major concern.
This morning while goofing off on the bus a plastic folder went astray.
Once again the big beautiful brown eye (the left one) got in the way.
This time the scratch is right over the pupil. It’s still not very large, but the location is a concern. They don’t want it to scar.
Kennedy is miserable.
Molly? Feels horribly guilty.
Guilty to the point of thinking she was going to be on the news for what she’d done.
I reassured her that the news doesn’t cover stories like this.
To which I got:
“So when our house burns down they’ll come?”
Um…our house won’t burn down.
~knocking on every piece of wood I can find~
by Sarah | Oct 3, 2012 | Crap, Random
[flickr id=”5066025517″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]I tend to cycle.
One minute I’m wrapped up in one thing – and that one thing is all that matters.
Time passes in the periphery.
When life is busy my brain is chaos. Everything runs through it, meanwhile staying focused on one thing.
Right now that one thing is Kennedy. Between her weight issues, now compounded by a positive strep culture (& the antibiotics that come with), and her upcoming SSI appeal hearing…I’m a little consumed.
Of course in the mean time I still have Denver & his weight (also a concern, but not as severe), and his school and Scouts (& whether or not he’ll remain in Scouts), and Cross country. And Molly and her school stuff, and her increasing ‘moments’.
The husband has had some developments and turns in his recent struggles. We are doing amazingly better, but new stuff is popping up to deal with in that department. We’re taking it all one step at a time and might even be ready to talk about it soon.
October is also filling up with blogging activities (oh, I am going to be joyously busy). Of course the holidays are coming close on Octobers heels.
Let’s not even get into all I need to do for my writing. I’m up to my eyeballs in stuff right now that isn’t getting done, and stuff that is.
Needless to say I feel like my head is going to explode when I don’t force myself into tunnel vision. So for now I focus on Kennedy because it’s easier and appear to be the most drastic. It’s easier to focus on stuffing her face and meeting with the lawyer because it’s right in front of me and simpler than some of the other stuff.
So for now I focus on her…maybe the other stuff will be resolved by the time I’m done with that.
It could be…right?
by Sarah | Oct 1, 2012 | Crap, Random
[flickr id=”5026755818″ thumbnail=”small” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]I used to be a night owl.
I could stay up all night and function like a human the next day.
Of course, this was before children 2 & 3 (but as recent as 8 years ago).
I would stay up until 3AM and be up at 6AM to get ready for work & school & out the door. I’ve never been a morning person, but I would function and be almost perky by 9.
After the kids, I started losing ground. It’s now to the point where if I’m not in bed by 11PM most nights (9 or 10 sometimes), I can’t function in the morning. I’m still not a morning person but boy do I need sleep.
Last night I went through my usual routine. Shut everything down, went to bed at 11.
Tossed and turned for an hour and a half before I gave up.
Came out to the couch and turned on the TV. Waited until I couldn’t keep my eyes open (2AMish) and turned it off.
Rolled over and WHAM.
Wide awake again.
Short of it, I didn’t fall asleep until 4:30AM and woke up with my alarm at 5:30AM.
I’m so tired I stopped writing this post 2 hours ago and promptly forgot about it thinking I’d already posted.
Insomnia?
It sucks.
