by Sarah | Jul 30, 2011 | All About Kennedy, All About Molly, Autism, WTF?
[flickr id=”5885702740″ thumbnail=”medium” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]She poked her in the eye.
I know you’ve all heard the story in snippets on twitter, but oy.
Yesterday morning a LOUD scream echoed out from the girls room. The one that said “True pain” not “drama queen” like Angel’s usual screams.
When I ran in she said that Riley had poked her in the eye. I thought, at first, it was a typical brief poking, no real damage and she’d be fine. Calmed down the situation and it seemed okay…but then it wasn’t.
Angel kept crying in pain every thirty minutes or so, moving up to ear splitting screams. So I took her to the pediatrician.
A large scratch (like a cm wide, 1/2 cm thick) right over her pupil.
It was intentional.
The poking, if not the depth of the result.
Angel spent the night in bed w/ me, Archie slept on the couch. I got to hear the heart melting words “Mama can I snuggle with you?” in my Angel’s darling cute little voice.
Today things are better…Angel isn’t shrieking in pain every 20-30 minutes…the ointment they gave her appears to be helping…and she’s rocking the eye patch. The girls are getting along again, even though Angel is telling her sister not to hurt her on a more frequent basis.
I don’t know where we go from here, but I know we need help. Riley needs help. I’m certain she needs more than the school can provide, but the school is where we’ll start, while I schedule an appointment w/ the developmental pediatrician and wait until we can get in (likely to be a few months).
by Sarah | Jul 28, 2011 | All About Molly, Autism, Special Needs, WTF?
[flickr id=”5984317283″ thumbnail=”medium” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]
Since halfway through Kindergarten Riley has been an avid reader. Fervent. Excited. Searching. Learning. Teaching.
She taught her sister to read.
She devoured so many books.
Books are one of her distinct and clear joys.
So last night it was a shock.
A horror.
Dismay.
Hearing a noise from the girls room, I went into their room.
Riley was lying in bed calm as can be…
Ripping apart her books.
Five of them.
Destroyed.
All the pages strewn across the floor.
When we asked her why she said that she was happy.
She was happy.
So she ripped up her books.
Then it was pure horror when she realized she was not going to be able to read them ever again.
To top that off she’s beating up her sister again.
Fiercely.
There are scratches all over my Angel’s back, shoulders and HEAD.
We are concerned.
Because she ripped books.
But its a flag.
And we are concerned.
by Sarah | Jun 1, 2011 | All About Molly, Autism
The school year is over.
The book bags hung up.
The pencils returned to their cases.
The boredom sets in.
The insanely hot weather.
The year of struggling for what was right.
IEPs and diagnoses and social anxieties.
In the midst of the struggles, wings emerged from a cocoon.
Some social advances were made – not many, but a few.
But there were wings…
Words on a page brought her in. Drew her with their magnetism. Something to love with words and stories.
Intelligence was her spotlight. Math and reading brought her joy. Her grades excelled in those areas.
In the end there were gains. I’ve made peace with her being in school, though I still worry every day.
So I focus on the gains.
I watch her read, and teach her sister to read with joy.
To have her love what her Daddy and I both love so much.
In the end, we had some wonderful gains.
by Sarah | Feb 7, 2011 | All About Molly, Autism
We chopped her hair off.
She had us worried.
Terrified.
She wasn’t eating.
Her hair was so thin. She was getting weaker.
We chopped her hair off.
Now…
She’s eating like a champ. (Almost) Everything we put in front of her.
Figures.
by Sarah | Jan 18, 2011 | All About Molly, Autism, Failure to Thrive (FTT)
Riley is almost six years old.
At last check, she weighed a tiny little 37 pounds to her almost 4′ frame. Which puts her BMI once again well below the growth chart.
Then…
She stopped eating.
We don’t know why.
Or how to stop it.
Her beautiful long platinum locks got thinner and thinner. Weak. Stringy.
Her already skinny frame is getting skinnier.
Legs long enough to fit into size 6.
Waist tiny enough to fit into 4T’s.
She won’t eat.
Unless it’s pancakes.
Mac & Cheese.
Hot Dogs.
It has gotten to the point where a peanut butter & jelly sandwich that has been asked for is snubbed.
Food.
Unappealing.
Whether it’s the texture.
Or the taste.
We’ll be spending the money for an appointment with the ped.
We’re reaching alarming levels.
Her autism is rearing its head more, her behavior unpredictable.
I’ve cut her hair in an attempt to make it appear thicker. It’s cute, but I miss the beautiful long locks.
I’ve made allowances and fed her outside of what we eat (a habit I’m sickened to start…the rule has ALWAYS been eat what’s in front of you). We’ve been giving her boxes of her sister’s Boost to make sure she gets her vitamins, minerals, and extra calories.
We’re worried about what this is going to mean for her in the near future.
But she can’t go on like this.
Neither can we.
by Sarah | Dec 2, 2010 | All About Learning, All About Molly, Autism
Back in November we had our long awaited IEP meeting.
They’ve confirmed and called it Autism Spectrum Disorder, Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified. In other words, they aren’t specifically labeling yet. They need more time to decide if it’s PDD-NOS or Aspergers (both of which she has indicators for).
Therapies are in place to help her.
Her testing has been altered to accommodate her needs.
Goals are set.
***
According to her teacher, outside of the initial very rough period of adjustment after her switch to full-day kindergarten she’s made leaps and bounds in her progress. Her fits are fewer, she’s more willing to sit for projects.
She still doesn’t play with the other kids, and they don’t play with her. She shadow-plays their play…and occasionally attempts interactions – but she is ‘different’ enough in how she tries to play that the other kids don’t really respond to it. That worries me.
But she LOVES school. LOVES learning. Is so excited to go every day. Counts down the days until she can go back when it’s the weekend.
All along I’ve been convinced that school was wrong for her.
Some days I still believe that.
But I can’t deny her excitement to learn, to be at school.
But then I see the signs that everything isn’t hunky dory.
Beyond behavioral issues – the inability for her to settle down when she gets home. The increased fighting w/ her siblings.
There’s the sudden aversion to eating. She’s so skinny, she can’t afford to not eat. She’s turning vegetarian, refusing any and all meat – which would be fine if I had the slightest clue how to feed a vegetarian (we are a MEAT loving family here). Beyond that, her lack of eating is resulting in thinning hair again. I rarely try to give her ‘pretty hair’ any longer because her hair is so thin, I just can’t style it.
And the bed wetting. I don’t blame her or yell at her. She apologizes every time. She just doesn’t know. She crashes SO hard after big overstimulating days that she sleeps right through her need to go. It’s not her fault, but I have enough laundry without this kind of event happening nightly.
***
I’m still worried.
My heart is torn.
There is no right.
Keep her in, how many more behaviors will emerge?
Take her out, break her heart and cause another meltdown triggered by a major change.
There is no right.
I’m incapable of helping her.
Of handling my own conflicted thoughts and heart and mind.
Lost.
So afraid of making another wrong turn.
Afraid that we’ve already screwed her over.
Afraid that we won’t be able to correct this.
Afraid that she’ll never ‘fit in’ and always feel that pain the way her daddy does.
