When Riley was very young she had a wonderful tendency toward needing to be held constantly.  If you were holding her she was so content. She smiled brightly for you and coo’d…but only in your arms.  If you tried to lay her down it was all over.

Then at four months old when the horrors of GERD (reflux) reared their heads we started to lose that spark.  Our little sweet pea withdrew into a shell of near constant pain and shrieking. The smiles lessened, the coos faded…and by the time the GERD was treated and peace was restored, it was like we’d lost that spark that had lit from within her beautiful blue eyes.

Over time she grew and changed, but she was always withdrawn.  Removed from the present. In her own world.  At times it concerned us, terrified us…but we learned to accept it and cope with it.

Brief moments of sunshine and brilliance would break through the crowds.  Her brilliance at puzzles when she was a year.  Her love of the Backyardigans. Her quick learning of letters and numbers.  She astonished us.

She worried us.

The autism diagnosis confirmed our fears, and brought new ones.  But all along, we knew that the sunshine was in there. We knew that she had parents that understood as best as they could. A dad that had grown up with similar issues and fears – and we’d make sure she knew that we would always try our best to understand and accept.

Lately – Riley has been letting out more and more of that sunshine.  Her closed off and withdrawn nature has been becoming more of a side part of her nature.  In its place is a bright, sunny girl that is just brimming with personality.

When she gets mad or wounded or upset she still pulls back…and we accept them as part of who she is and help her learn to cope with them.

But when she is not mad…she laughs and giggles.  She bosses her sister around.  She bosses me around, the dog, her brother…her Daddy…anyone within hearing range.

She asks questions and gives answers.  She has learned the art of conversation – and while not always witty – it is always sparkling with her smile and bright blue eyes.

Does she talk as much as a normal 4 year old?  No…we haven’t reached that level yet – but she’s so much more than she was a year ago. 

She’s amazing.  She’s brilliant.  She’s adorable.  She’s my princess.

And I’m so thrilled to see the sunshine again.