[flickr id=”5888954984″ thumbnail=”medium” overlay=”true” size=”small” group=”” align=”left”]Once upon a time it was us against the world.
There were no secrets.
Lots of snuggles.
Lots of talks.
He told me everything.
Now he’s 13.
When I had to tell him about the neighbors passing, I expected something…words…hugs…tears…
Instead he asked to go for a bike ride.
He didn’t want to deal with it when I was there. He didn’t want to talk about it. He tensed when I tried to hug him. He tried to force back every tear that threatened to fall.
Selfishly I went outside and threw a class-action temper tantrum a kindergartner would be proud of.
I wasn’t mad at him.
I was mad at me.
Where had I gone wrong? Did I not have enough patience? Have I been too focused on the girls that I lost touch with him once they were old enough to survive w/o constant attention? Do I just suck as a mother?
I miss the little boy that truly believed he could tell me anything.
I miss the feeling that he and I have a connection that no one could take away.
The teenage years have just begun.
I already hate them.
I don’t blame him. I don’t blame me (usually).
I still hate them.
I don’t know how I will survive these teenage years.
Everyone deals with grief in their own way. It doesn’t make you a bad parent (or a good one, for what it’s worth) if he prefers solitude as he processes bad news. It’s OK!
When my son’s doctor passed away, I expected him to simply shut down. He surprised me by asking to go to the memorial, dressed in a suit (HUGE deal), and did not lose his composure. He didn’t want to talk about it either. He wanted to grieve privately. I had to let him.
I think it’s difficult for teens, maybe more so for teen boys, to share their feelings, or to even understand them. But they are still processing the loss the only way they can. I don’t think that him not talking with you is in any way shutting you out. He may just be trying to keep you from being sad too, worrying about him.
🙁 I’m sorry! Sometimes I don’t look forward to my two little boys growing up. I hope that you are able to get him to process his grief in a healthy way, even if it’s his own way.