Frustration

by Sarah | Jan 30, 2011 | Writing, writing tips

This is just a portion of THE PILE.

Books that I’m reading. Are in line to be read. Or I just finished reading.

I’ve set a goal this year to read more.

I made the same goal last year, and did very well for the first couple of months.

And then I gave up.  I focused on my writing – and writing I did. For months I wrote so much my husband missed me. My bed missed me. I’m pretty sure my kids missed me.  Hundreds of thousands of words.

It frustrated me that I gave up reading.  I mean, how often are you told that if you want to write, you have to READ. That you can’t improve your craft if you aren’t reading what you can to build on your skills and see what others have done. Learn new techniques. See what you like, what you don’t like. Learn to incorporate it into your craft.

Now I’m reading again. Knee deep in about 4 books.  I’ve finished one. I’m getting through what I can in my *ahem* “spare time” (who has THAT?).  I’m trying to schedule reading time into every day I can. Instead of playing Soduko on my Nook when I take a bath – I’m actually using it to read.  (I am NOT fighing w/ my husband over it yet…as when he uses it I can get an actual paper book, and vice versa. We’re behaving for the moment)

Now I’m starting to remember why I quit.

The deep frustration that seeps into the pleasure I’m supposed to take in reading.

The deep, abiding love that I always had for reading starts to seem like a memory.

Because I can’t turn off my inner editor.

Although, that little monster of a creature is child’s play compared to the other, larger monster that really threatens my love of reading. My pure enjoyment and escape.

The inner editor is a tiny little mosquito just buzzing gently in my ear as I get through the book.

The real monster?  The Godzilla that could stomp out the mosquito, but instead feeds it until it gets bigger.

I guess you could call him jealousy.

I read these books.

My inner editor buzzes.

And Godzilla feeds him, helping him grow HUGE.

Pointing out that the little error he’s about to ignore is the reason an editor turned down my own book.  Or that this it’s a primary “RULE” out there that no writer should EVER break – but it’s in this novel…and this novel is published. And selling.

It makes me frustrated.  Over things that I KNOW I shouldn’t be letting myself get in a snit over.

It makes me want to just stop before I get REALLY upset and just get back to writing 2,000-7,000 words a day.

Because it’s SO much easier than “Trying to learn” from people that have made it through the hell of getting a book published…only to find errors that you’ve been told at every turn is WRONG WRONG WRONG.

It’s also very difficult to just enjoy a book this way.

Which is something I miss.

A lot.