by Sarah | Jul 18, 2019 | All About Me, All of Us, Personal, Redefining Perfect, Story of Me
The past couple of years I’ve made huge leaps in discovering who I am, who I want to be, how I want to live.
I want to be me.
Unapologetically ME.
It’s not always easy, though.
Old fears, traumas, habits, and soul blocks are everywhere.
I make a decision for a new Oola goal – and I hide it. I claim I’m keeping it to myself because it’s just for me…but it’s fear. Fear of being mocked. Being told I can’t do it, that I’m “not strong enough” (something I heard about surviving auditions on Broadway…yet years later I became a writer and handled plenty of rejection).
It’s been so easy to slide back into a hermit life during/after the move.
SO much happened. SO much stress. SO much turmoil.
Say bye bye world, hello couch.
I’m trying to push beyond it. To work past those blocks, comforts, and habits.
My word for 2019 is REDEFINING.
I’ve had so much happen into 2019, I can’t help but embody that word in so many ways.
Yet, that old song is easy to sing. To use as a shield. To smile and pretend I’m okay waving the rose in the back of the corps.
I said I was going to stop hiding my true self.
I’m working on it.
I promise.
*~*
(Also, that Oola goal announcement is coming soon…promise. Fitting it into my post schedule. 😀 No more fear)
by Sarah | Jul 15, 2019 | All About Family, All About Me, All of Us, Blogging Life, Florida Dreaming, Redefining Perfect
Oh, Florida. I’ve talked about it for years, dreamed about moving for as long, talked about moving for a year, and finally made the move in May…
and promptly all but disappeared off social media.
Because that first month?
SUCKED.
Holy crap. I mean, massive sucktitude of the highest magnitude.
Like the only thing keeping me from driving back to Indiana was the sunshine…because it was pretty much all that was working out for me.
How bad?
Well, one of the first things I saw in Florida as I pulled off to gas up, on my way back onto the highway was a cat that had been hit by a car, and had not yet passed on.
Talk about traumatic.
Then my AirBNB that I was so crazy excited for, had no wifi or internet because my host according to AirBNB had up and left the man she’d been living with for years…and then turned off the cable. My actual AirBNB host was a relatively pleasant Brit…that blissfully left town for 10 days (okay, so that went good for me, too)…but then expected me to chauffer him around…never mind the fact I was working nights. Um…
I could not find a house. Like legit, could not.
I couldn’t find a realtor to help me find a house. All they would say is “I don’t have anything like that” and that was it. No offers to help, nothing.
I would find something online, call the realtor only to have them tell me it wasn’t actually available yet and they weren’t showing yet (happened with where we are now…) and that was WEEKS out. Weeks! They all refused to show with tenants still inside.
If that wasn’t the case, the home was already rented…in one case I scheduled an appointment to show it in three days, which was when it was opening for showings…but then I got a call that it was already rented – before they were even showing!!
My job was good, but instead of training me on my regular schedule, they decided to do 5 day weeks the first two weeks – which totally messed with my plans to you know, look for a home!
Because of that job schedule, and the inconveniently timed vacation of the only person in HR that could confirm my employment, I almost missed the cutoff for the girls school admission.
I had no less than five panic attacks – most of which centered around finding a home.
I never made it to the beach. (Heck, I didn’t make it there until last week)
After the host made it back from the UK he finally managed to get wifi back about 4 days before I was due to checkout…but I couldn’t access it, the password wouldn’t work (but he could, so no worries for him).
Yeah, I may have suffered from some internet withdrawals.
I missed my family crazy-bad. They missed me as much.
Erik had so many struggles getting things ready. We had a simultaneous panic attack on a phone call when it came to finding a home.
I gotta say, I knew it would be tough separated from them, but not THAT tough. Oy.
But that’s enough complaining…because the month is over. It sucked. It was TOUGH…but it’s passed.
Here’s some nice things about the first month…
I did have beautiful sun, and pleasantly not-crazily-humid days for all but one day that first month, and that was one of the first days I was there. It was a crazy-storm. In the best way.
I got to spend some nice one-on-one time with my son where he didn’t annoy the crap out of me (he aspires for that).
I actually got a little tipsy on one of our day trips…we went to the Banana Cabana at the Caribbean and there was some delicious alcohol consumed.
We went on a nature walk and I got some great photos and saw some alligators.
I did, finally, find a couple of realtors that were eager to help and we got approved for our new home the day after hubby and the kids arrived.
All the driving around looking for places helped familiarize me with the general layout of the area.
I had my first ever Pub Sub – and it was all everyone said it would be.
I got into my new job and really felt welcomed and at home right away. I miss my old work-home, but my new work-home is equally as lovely and the hours are amazeballs.
I LOVE working nights.
I’m in Florida.
I am home.
*~*~*
You know, I know that nothing worth it is ever easy…and I didn’t expect smooth sailing when I got down here, but the first month almost broke me in turns. There were days that I would say “I just need ONE THING to go right. Just ONE.”
And then it would.
It was tough finding moments of joy some days…impossible on others…but they emerged eventually.
Once my family got here, things evened out. Not everything is fully settled as I’m writing this. We are still waiting on our couch (will be here tomorrow). Erik is still looking for a job (he has an interview tomorrow). The girls are BORED and totally freaking out about not being able to make friends when school starts in a month…
But we are together. We are home.
WE ARE HOME.
And that is the best feeling in the world. Even if I had to go through hell to get here..
by Sarah | Jul 3, 2019 | All About Me, All of Us, Blogging Life, Book Reviews, I'm A Reader, Redefining Perfect
Well, May and June were halfway kind of a wash, but at the same time, not. I actually got a few read. I’m working on several others right now. Hubby and I found our local library. It’s not awesome, but we can request books from the more awesome larger county libraries so it’s not a total loss by any means. As my books are still packed, I’m going to be reading some I’d already bought, and library books while I get more settled in.
Oh, and in disappointing news, there is no Half Price Books in Florida…there is a Barnes & Noble relatively close, but I love the option to take and sell my books when I’m done with them. So, I’ll be searching for a local bookstore in which I can do that at the very least for store credit.
Anyhoozles, onto the list. More in what I’ve read than am reading, but there’s reasons. There’s at least one book I’m not listing for reasons and it’s taking up my reading time at work.
Some may interest you, some may not. I hope it gives you at least a few ideas!!
Onto the post:
What I Read
Okay, this one is a long one…but I had a 17 hour car drive to listen to it.
Reading, re-reading, listening, and re-listening to this series is one of my favorite things. It is my literary comfort food as none but the Little House series has ever been for me.
As always, Order of the Phoenix is no my favorite of the series, but it brings about several necessary transitions.
Now I wait on book 6…just a few weeks, and I will have it in my greedy little fingers.
I don’t even remember what made me put this on my list, but there it was.
It was an interesting, if mildly predictable tale of a young woman dealing with the secrets her father leaves behind, and the pain and turmoil she endures when her world falls apart upon his alzheimer’s diagnosis.
In parts hard to listen to, in others painfully real, it was an interesting story along the lines of which I don’t normally read.
It feels good to stretch my reading wings again.
Oh, I wanted this to be so much more than it was. I’ve never been a big Sherlock reader, but the premise of this intrigued me.
However…oh, however…
Every single character was a descendant of a Sherlock character…great…no problem…but they were an almost EXACT replica of their parent…except, BETTER. It was just…ugh.
Predictable, and predictable plot.
It was a quick read, at least. I’ll give it that.
A girl can cross the threshold between life and death after dying once herself and being saved by nothing less than a ghost.
Her parents, who are ghost hunters, don’t believe in her powers. They take her with them to Scotland, a land teeming with ghost stories and ghosts themselves to film a new TV show…
This leads to much mayhem on Cassidy’s part, and to her meeting another like her.
There were some predictable YA tropes involved, but it was a cute, quick listen.
I’ve been wanting to read this for a while now. I was glad to snag an audio copy from the library to listen to.
It was a delightful read, and the who-dun-it managed to surprise me, which is unusual enough.
The narrator was delightful, and the story was fun.
I’m looking forward to reading the next one when my books are uncovered again.
Unless I decide to get the audiobook for the next one, too.
I’d heard lots and lots about this one. I bought it a couple of years ago. I had yet to read it.
I decided to give the audiobook a chance, hearing that the audiobook had a cast instead of a single narrator.
The story itself was slow to take off, and I predicted the who-dun-it really early on in the story, honestly.
However, the story was good. None of the main characters was particularly likable, but I had a fair amount of sympathy for 2 out of 3 of them by the end (Rachel and Megan) – and I really hated Anna the whole time. Ugh, could not stand her.
So, it really played with my emotions, which I guess is a good sign.
What I’m Reading Now
I’m a huge fan of Splintered, so I’ve been curious about this from the start.
I know it is not one of Howard’s most popular, in fact I’ve seen some rather derisive reviews of it, but I want to give it a go anyway.
It’s a different, more modern take on the Phantom, where the story exists already in the world so I’m wondering how it will all play out.
It’s a library book, so I have limited time to read. Hopefully that means I’ll finish it or make a quick decision to quit it.
Pretty sure everyone and their mother has read this one and raved about it (at least amongst my friends).
I’ve been dying to read it myself, but it’s been cost prohibitive on the occasions I’ve seen it. I had a credit for Greats on Kindle, so I decided to use it for this one.
I’m excited to get started.
And so is my hubby.
So this may be next, even with another library book on my shelf.
This was a Christmas gift to me from myself. I had just started when the move happened and silly me packed it away, so it’s still in storage, but once I finally unpack I will happily dive back in.
It has good reviews and is self-described as helping one to carve their own path spiritually.
As that’s what I’m doing, I thought it would be a good read for me.
I’ll let you know when I find out. 😉
*~*
What are you reading these days? I’m always looking for suggestions!
Stick around…more updates coming soon!
by Sarah | Jul 1, 2019 | All About Me, All of Us, Blogging Life, Pagan Me Happy, Personal, Redefining Perfect
Once a month I’ll be posting a new Spirit Animal. This is both for me to study and learn, but also to help inspire each month.
This month the animal made itself known to me within moments of moving into our new home, because they are everywhere around it.
The Butterfly.
Sure, it’s Florida. Butterflies are far more common, blah blah blah…but I mean everywhere around my house (which has no yard to speak of due to sandy soil and lots of shade, and some poison ivy)…but there is a bunch of undergrowth creeping in from the tree lines and the butterflies flock to them and dance along.
Then, as if to seal the deal, this happened—>>
That’s a red-spotted purple that was hanging out in my driveway. I held out my hand and it climbed on! Stayed there for probably ten minutes before it fluttered away! I mean, so cool.
Anyhoo…onto the meaning.
Which, I think is fairly obvious to anyone and everyone.
The Butterfly is about transformation – metamorphosis.
Freshly planting ourselves in a new home in a new state is a huge transformation. I’ve also recently come to a big decision about my future that feels like what is supposed to happen, though the transition itself will be hard work and exhausting.
Butterflies are also about a connection to the anscestors. They’re a totem for those who are in tune with the ancestors…which honestly I feel like I’ve been struggling with since I got here.
Our transition was NOT easy, it was not all sunshine and happiness, and the deep spiritual connection I feel I’d been working to forge before I got the job down here feels rather distant and disconnected. I’m working on learning how to establish a routine working on night shift and still including all that I need to with family, home, and spirit.
In other words, though we are in Florida, in this lovely new home, and in my new job…I feel like at this point we are the mass of goo inside the cocoon. We haven’t grown our wings, we haven’t flown yet…but I feel like it’s there. Though right now it feels like we keep saying “If this happens, then we…”
We are taking steps, though. We went to the beach. We’re going to Disney Springs. We have treated for the disgusting bugs. Hubby is putting out applications and has at least one interview set up. Things are happening to set up that final burst of transformation.
The most important lesson the butterfly has for me this month is that transformation isn’t easy. It hurts. It’s work. In the end, though? It’s totally worth it.Â
Life is beautiful on the other side.
We’re seeing glimpses of it.
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone – and that’s where we are. It’s time to transform.
What animal is speaking to you this month? Do they have lessons for you? Â
by Sarah | Jun 20, 2019 | All About Denver, All About Erik, All About Family, All About Kennedy, All About Me, All About Molly, All of Us, Blogging Life, Disney, Disney Mom, Florida Dreaming, Make-A-Wish, Redefining Perfect, Universal, Universal Studios Mom
Our road to Disney and Universal was not paved with flowers and sunshine. That goes without saying. I could go into logistics about Make A Wish’s former CF rules, refusals, and hope coming our way again, but that’s another story for another blog post. Suffice it to say, it was a bumpy, long road…until it wasn’t.
When the time came for us to approach the kids and say they were getting wishes, and to ask what they wanted, both of them thought pretty hard. I, myself, hoped for Disney, but didn’t push either of them in that direction. I did mention to the obsessed-with-Harry-Potter Kennedy that there was this magical place called Diagon Alley at Universal Studios, but we discussed other options. Things like trips in an RV, remodeling the bedroom were discussed among others.
When the day came, the wonderful Wish Granters asked the kids what they wanted.
Kennedy said, “I want to see Harry Potter World!” (It was only then that I learned when you wish for one FL theme park, you get both) I was not upset by this declaration.
From that moment everything flew by in an instant. Before any of us knew it, we were in the limo and on the plane for Florida.
Months of planning, talking, anticipation all came down to that one moment…
You know the one…
The one where we stepped through the brick passage and onto Diagon Alley.
Every moment after when Kennedy’s face looking like this —->>
Excitement. Spotting everything left and right, pointing out everything.
When Ollivander selected her and her sister (believing them twins, methinks) to get their own matching wands.
When she saw, and felt, the dragon breathe fire down on us.
When she sat in the sidecar (look how tiny, my goodness).
Every moment in Diagon Alley that day was so much magic we could have gone home right then and never complained a moment that it wasn’t worth it.
To see K become completely immersed into the world we both loved so much.
Every single second was one I wanted to bottle and hold onto.
That was the moment I knew magic was real.
And the look on her face made every struggle that led us up to and through the brick passage way was worth it.
So damn worth it.
by Sarah | Jun 17, 2019 | All About Denver, All About Erik, All About Family, All About Home, All About Kennedy, All About Me, All About Molly, All About Ripley, All of Us, Blogging Life, Disney, Disney Mom, Florida Dreaming, Oola, Redefining Perfect, Universal, Universal Studios Mom
It’s been over a month since the last update and unless you’ve been living under a rock, you probably know where we are at.
WE ARE IN FLORIDA!!!
After my last post, things went very quick.
I moved ahead of the hubs and kids, and my first month here in Florida deserves (and will soon get) a post of its own. It was an adventure, I’ll give you that much. A good adventure, or a bad one, I still don’t even know.
Anyhow…the husband and kids have finally joined me.
We have a home.
We’re settled around The Villages area, which my self-adopted pops calls “Heavens Waiting Room”…and he’s not wrong. lol.
However, it’s beautiful here. Our new (rented) home is much bigger than our last, and though it needs a lot of work, we’re looking forward to making progress.
We’re still waiting on our main piece of furniture (another month, oy)…but otherwise we’re settling in.
Erik has a lead on a potential job in a surprising place (more when I know more. No jinxing it).
The girls have been granted placement in the charter school, I just need to get all of their paperwork together and get them in for physicals so we can make it officially official.
The girls have their own rooms, and I still have an office space of sorts.
I’ve been at my new job for a month, and it’s going well. I’m looking into some new possibilities in my plans for the future, and life is just opening all sorts of possibilities.
In short…life isn’t perfect (it wasn’t before and I didn’t expect it to magically right itself because of our location)…but we are excited to make it work.
So from now own, there will be no more countdowns, but plenty of updates.
The past couple of years I’ve made huge leaps in discovering who I am, who I want to be, how I want to live.
