by Sarah | Dec 2, 2010 | All About Learning, All About Molly, Autism
Back in November we had our long awaited IEP meeting.
They’ve confirmed and called it Autism Spectrum Disorder, Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified. In other words, they aren’t specifically labeling yet. They need more time to decide if it’s PDD-NOS or Aspergers (both of which she has indicators for).
Therapies are in place to help her.
Her testing has been altered to accommodate her needs.
Goals are set.
***
According to her teacher, outside of the initial very rough period of adjustment after her switch to full-day kindergarten she’s made leaps and bounds in her progress. Her fits are fewer, she’s more willing to sit for projects.
She still doesn’t play with the other kids, and they don’t play with her. She shadow-plays their play…and occasionally attempts interactions – but she is ‘different’ enough in how she tries to play that the other kids don’t really respond to it. That worries me.
But she LOVES school. LOVES learning. Is so excited to go every day. Counts down the days until she can go back when it’s the weekend.
All along I’ve been convinced that school was wrong for her.
Some days I still believe that.
But I can’t deny her excitement to learn, to be at school.
But then I see the signs that everything isn’t hunky dory.
Beyond behavioral issues – the inability for her to settle down when she gets home. The increased fighting w/ her siblings.
There’s the sudden aversion to eating. She’s so skinny, she can’t afford to not eat. She’s turning vegetarian, refusing any and all meat – which would be fine if I had the slightest clue how to feed a vegetarian (we are a MEAT loving family here). Beyond that, her lack of eating is resulting in thinning hair again. I rarely try to give her ‘pretty hair’ any longer because her hair is so thin, I just can’t style it.
And the bed wetting. I don’t blame her or yell at her. She apologizes every time. She just doesn’t know. She crashes SO hard after big overstimulating days that she sleeps right through her need to go. It’s not her fault, but I have enough laundry without this kind of event happening nightly.
***
I’m still worried.
My heart is torn.
There is no right.
Keep her in, how many more behaviors will emerge?
Take her out, break her heart and cause another meltdown triggered by a major change.
There is no right.
I’m incapable of helping her.
Of handling my own conflicted thoughts and heart and mind.
Lost.
So afraid of making another wrong turn.
Afraid that we’ve already screwed her over.
Afraid that we won’t be able to correct this.
Afraid that she’ll never ‘fit in’ and always feel that pain the way her daddy does.
by Sarah | Dec 1, 2010 | Holidays
I remember both of my grandmother’s very clearly. Neither fit the stereotype that exists in modern culture. They weren’t bakers. They were unique. I loved them both, but I always wondered if that stereotype existed (now that I’m older I’m almost certain it doesn’t – I’ve never met one myself).
Now that I’m a mom, I’ve become obsessed with this time of year, making everything perfect. Making dozens (or hundreds, if you will) cookies and treats.
Three years ago when I started the trek into going nuts with the cookies I knew I wanted to do something beyond cutouts. Those would always be a staple, but I wanted variety. In my quest for that variety I knew I wanted to give a nod to my heritage.
I’m half-Polish, you know.
But as I said – I don’t remember my Nana baking in the time I knew her.
So, I started a search for Polish Christmas cookies. I stumbled upon this recipe for “Polish Apricot-Filled Cookies”. Further research gave me the name Kolaczki. I have also since learned that they can be filled in other ways, but I’m not about to change what has become a yearly demand in my house. It is now Archie’s favorite, and I can hardly keep his diabetic fingers out of the cookie jar.
Another thing I love about these, especially this year when I’m trying to pre-make all I can…is that you can pre-make all the parts of this in advance. Freeze the dough, keep the filling in the fridge. Make it when you’re ready. You could even put them completely together and freeze them whole, taking them out to bake later. Very convenient recipe.
***
Kolaczki
Dough
2 & 1/4 cups Flour
1/2 tsp salt
8oz cream cheese
1 cup butter
1 lg egg, lightly beaten w/ water for egg wash
Apricot Filling
1 & 3/4 cup coarsely chopped dried apricots
2/3 cup honey
1/4 cup sweet orange marmalade
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 cup water
1. Make Dough
Beat cream cheese and butter on med-high until creamy reduce speed to low
Sift together Flour and Salt, then add to cream cheese mixture until just combined.
Divide dough into 4 portions, wrap in plastic wrap and chill until firm, at least 2 hours
~~At this stage you can also freeze it for later use (that’s where mine is right now)
2. Make Filling
Bring ingredients to a boil in a heavy saucepan over medium heat.
Reduce heat and let simmer until apricots are softened and mixture is thick.
Transfer to small bowl and cool until just warm – at least 30 minutes.
Put into food processor and pulse until finely chopped.
Chill until cold – at least 2 hours.
3.Assemble Cookies
Preheat oven to 375
Line baking sheets w/ parchment.
Take 1 piece of dough from fridge (keep others chilled), roll out between 2 sheets of well-floured wax paper into about 11-inches square.
Trim edges so square is 10 inches across.
Cut into 16 equal squares (about 2.5 inches a piece)
Put squares onto cookie sheet and put into freezer for a quick chill (you want to keep dough cold)
At this point you can start a second cookie sheet, or just do one sheet at a time. I’d keep dough in freezer for maybe 5-10 minutes.
Working quickly, put a tsp of filling into the center of each square.
Brush two opposite corners w/ egg wash, then bring those two corners together and pinch to seal.
Continue through all 16 squares. If dough starts to get soft, pop back in freezer for a few minutes.
4. Bake
Bake until golden, about 17-20 minutes.
Transfer to racks to cool.
If desired, sprinkle with powdered sugar.
*These are best kept in an airtight container, and are best fresh, within a week…if you can keep them around that long.
*************
This post is a part of Tara’s Holiday Cookie Exchange. Expect probably one other post, hopefully with a more recent, and better looking picture than what I had for this. Like I said, my Kolaczki’s are currently in the freezer waiting on baking closer to the time I hand them out!!
by Sarah | Nov 30, 2010 | All About Me
I mentioned it early in the month. I had agreed to participate in NaBloPoMo.
I’m glad I managed it. I wish to heaven that every single post had been quality. I admit whole-heartedly that a few days were junk.
What I got out of it – the happiness that I have managed to consistently post. After almost a year where I couldn’t seem to come up with one post a week, barely two a month – it feels good to be posting with some consistency again.
I’m not the type of person that can likely post something EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. I can definitely manage several a week and be content with that. I would like to post every day, but I don’t like posting drivel.
When life gets the better of me, and it will happen, I won’t panic about not getting a post in THAT.DAY. But I will try to soon.
There were several posts I made this month that I am proud of, and I’m going to link them now 🙂
*I loved my Weekly Winners back at the first of the month.
*I Am Real
*Angel made my heart swell with love and showed me that there is never enough.
*I expressed my guilt and fear over Brandon’s condition.
*I flashed back to my past while trying to treasure the now.
*And finally I got waxing (haiku) poetic over Christmas decorations.
All in all, a crazy month, happiness, sadness, tears and laughter all mixed in. My son broke his arm, and then had a positive CF test. My Riley had her IEP plan set for school and has shown us both progression and regression, stirring hope and fear and leaving us just as confused, it not more so, than when this month started. Angel tricked us into thinking everything was hunky dorey before scaring the pants off of us by having alarmingly low lung functions.
But then there was Thanksgiving, and wonderful blogger parties, and preparing for Christmas, baking, knitting and decorating.
I’m glad I did NaBlo and while I’m not crazy enough to try to commit to it for December again (during Christmas?)…but I need to learn how to say no. So I’m only committing to posting regularly – at least 4 days a week. So it’s regular, but I will not burn out.
I expect to commit to another NaBlo month in the coming year…but for now I’m going to enjoy the month and regularly blogging again.
Thanks for visiting so much and pushing my numbers up to surprising levels! It’s been a wonderful month and I hope you keep coming back!!
by Sarah | Nov 29, 2010 | All About Family, Holidays
Each year it’s the same
From storage, boxes emerge
Marked with black sharpie
One by one we find
Carefully wrapped memories
Hanging by thin threads
Sometimes the year blurs
Sometimes it’s plain to be seen
Each time the heart tugs
Family gathered
Love, laughter, peace, understanding
Problems disappear
Memories held close
Pulled from storage once a year
Shimmering brightly
by Sarah | Nov 26, 2010 | All About Me, Writing
A couple of weeks ago when I asked you to ask me questions – my father in law piped up on facebook to ask me to answer how I came to love writing.
The answer is rooted in a long ago memory and a love of books.
I rarely remember nightmares. Maybe for a day or two, but so few actually stick with me.
For all of my 30+ years, I remember my very first nightmare.
I was still in a crib when I had it. I think I was two and a half at most. I woke up screaming.
Because in my dream I had torn my favorite book. Bongo.
I still remember the nightmare. I still remember the horror I felt over seeing my favorite book shredded in my crib. I treasured that book.
My dad to this day jokes that I was reading the Reader’s Digest cover to cover when I was three. He wasn’t far off, and it was about that age that I stole my first set of Little House books from my brother’s bookshelf (why in heaven he had them, I have no idea).
Eventually in middle school I got to the teenage angsty poetry phase which morphed into a stunning enjoyment of my English classes and writing. I loved the challenge of taking an assignment and doing something outside of the box. Then a college Creative Writing Course and then nothing.
For quite a few years I didn’t write.
A few years ago I wrote a story just for fun. I got some encouragement and eventually turned into something almost sell-able. Almost, because I’m still learning.
But I’m loving learning. Writing. Creating. Watching my characters come alive on the page. For about six months out of the year writing is what I spend a lot of time on. Sometimes to my husband’s chagrin because I’m up until all hours being driven by my characters to tell their story.
It’s exciting.
Reading. Writing.
Finding other worlds to live in. The past, the future, an alternate universe. An escape from the normal of everyday. The sometimes good, sometimes bad, always REAL world we live in.
by Sarah | Nov 25, 2010 | All About Family, Holidays
I hope your plates are full, and your bellies fuller. Enjoy every moment with family and friends!!
Remember the good times, before they’re forgotten.
Embrace your family, for too soon today will become the past, a memory to laugh over. An old photograph that you’re trying to place. A forgotten memory surfacing amidst laughter and tears.
A letter, found in a hope chest. A photo album in the back of a closet. An old family movie dug out from long stored boxes.
Hold onto today. Savor each moment.
Be thankful for the now.
Before the now’s are gone.
Back in November we had our long awaited IEP meeting.
