by Sarah | Jan 14, 2013 | All About Kennedy, Crap, Random
When I was 5 and living in Buffalo one of the best treats was when mom took us to Hills department store. That place had slushies and hot dogs in the front, and sometimes we got a treat after shopping. I loved going to Hills.
Then one day I wanted gum. I REALLY wanted gum while we were standing in line to leave. Mom told me no. I didn’t like that. I don’t remember swiping the gum, but I remember getting caught. Standing next to the car, Mom scolding me and then marching me right back into the store and admitting to the manager what I’d done.
I.Was.Terrified.
It stuck with me.
So when we had some incidents in November with K first lying and then stealing and lying about it, my first instinct was something similar.
The next morning I marched her into school and made her first tell the principal (lovely woman, BTW) and then her teacher (another great person) – and apologize for what she’d done. For the next few weeks until break K had to meet with the guidance counselor weekly. She lost some recess time and at home she was left to sit in the corner while her sister got to play and watch one of her favorite movies.
We thought – maybe it was attention seeking. Life was chaotic. Denver had just spent a week in the hospital and then another week getting PICC treatments. Maybe it was just attention.
But now…the behavior is escalating.
I’m worried. As worried as I always was when she was self-injuring. Because it’s a new type of self-injury.
The most difficult part about it is that she is GOOD. She lies without a blink. She swipes toys and books from her teacher, her classroom, and brings them home to claim them without a second thought.
I’m at a loss. I’m worried. She clearly remembers every time she’s been caught and gotten in trouble (and really, how many times have we missed?). I don’t feel like I can trust my own lovely, kind-hearted, snuggly girl…because she can lie so blatantly and fearlessly right to my face.
I can’t even begin to know how to deal with this. Or why she’s doing it.
Where do I even begin?
by Sarah | Jan 14, 2013 | All of Us, Crap, Random, Writing
Last year I challenged myself in many ways.
This year is challenging me in ways I never expected – especially not so soon (we are only 14 days in, for crying out loud).
Still, there are rays of hope starting to glimmer through.
While working outside the home didn’t work out for a variety of reasons, I’ve managed to pick up odd jobs here and there. I have a part time job working for a lovely lady & the job is 85% virtual/online.
Another odd job is something I’ve thought about doing for a while. I’m just dipping my toe in right now, but so far the water is nice. If it goes well and starts to build, it could be good for me.
I’m also embarking on a project with my Critique group that is at turns terrifying…and deeply exciting. It’s a learning and growing experience that’s coming to mean a lot to me.
Of course there’s that book-thing next month that I’m gearing up for – and another in April. Not to mention some new stories that are truly exciting me, no matter their length.
I’m re-considering my experiment of merging my author and personal blogs. No firm decisions yet, but it’s a definite thought that’s occupying my mind. I suppose it all depends on how active my author blog becomes and how much the traffic grows.
On the family front the kids are back in school, and now that hubby’s flu has passed life should begin to return to our normal schedules and maybe I can get these decorations down.
My smarty-pants Denver is making a DNA model out of K’Nex for extra credit. Molly is showing real progress in all of her IEP goals. Kennedy is…well, she’s struggling right now & giving us cause for worry…but she is still ready with at least one heart-melty smile every single day.
Yes, 2013 is certainly throwing its fair share of crap our way…but finally I’m starting to feel that the sun is peeking through the clouds of turmoil.
Now I just need to find new ways to challenge myself like I did last year.
Any ideas?
by Sarah | Jan 9, 2013 | All About Denver, Blogging Life, Clever Girls, Sponsored, Wells Fargo
It seems like just yesterday I was nervously trying to nibble on my lunch while figuring out a way to tell my Dad I was expecting. I remember that lunch so clearly. It had to have been yesterday.
But no, it was much longer ago. Because in two weeks time Denver turns 15.
Fifteen.
He’s on the downhill slope of his Freshman year. That means in just 2 years he’ll be seriously looking at colleges. Our conversations turn to college at least once a week already.
And I am so ill prepared. It’s pretty sad.
I knew way back in First Grade when Denver first said he wanted to be in NASA that we had college ahead of us. Math, science, history – everything but reading that kid loved and excelled at. Then when reading took hold?
The kid has been unSTOPable.
Seriously.
His dreams of NASA have turned to dreams of being a Doctor.
As much as I annoy him going all New-Yorker and talking about how my son “wants to be a Doc-tah” – I’m seriously, sickeningly, insanely proud of this lofty goal.
And then I think about college.
How right now our only ‘plan’ to pay for it is an Indiana’s great “21st Century Scholars” program & hopes of him reaching Eagle Scouts which could = scholarships. Which is great – if he keeps his grades up and at least for under-grad.
But medical school means many years, many dollars, and my head starts spinning.
So deep in the recesses of my mind where I keep my panic and fear deeply hidden (oh, stop laughing – I do keep it hidden, most of the time) – that large red panic button has been hit. Sirens are blaring, and I’m hearing the robot from Lost in Space “Danger, Will Robinson!”
Three years is not a lot of time to suddenly come up with a plan, and I have a ton of questions.
Wells Fargo has provided a great place for me to get some of those questions answered. Their community forums have both new parents, panicky parents like me, students – and the bonus – specialists. I’ve been dipping my toes in the waters there and am happy to often find a topic very close to what I already have on my mind.
It’s helped ease some of the panic and the blaring siren sounds are subsiding a little.
But that darn Lost in Space robot is still swinging his arms around in circles…
*~*~*
Wells Fargo Community
What is it?
The Wells Fargo Community is an online forum where you can ask questions and share knowledge about financial topics. It’s a place to get help and help others in a convenient and safe environment.
The current focus of the community is education planning. We expect to add additional topics over time.
Who can use it?
The community is free and you don’t need to be a Wells Fargo customer to participate. In fact, you don’t even need to be a member to browse and learn from discussions. But, if you want to post your own questions or answers, we’ll ask you to sign up.
Why should you join?
The Wells Fargo Community is a great place to have conversations about your financial challenges and goals because:
- People with different backgrounds and experiences have joined the community so you can get a variety of perspectives.
- You can learn from specialists.
- We want to get you a lot of helpful and accurate information so we encourage participation from the community, review all posts, and, in many cases, chime in ourselves.
- Our community guidelines insist on constructive communications and we make sure our members are respectful.
- You can help others.
How do you get started?
Just go to WellsFargoCommunity.com. Then you can browse and search discussions to find what interests you. Your question may already be answered!
Join the community to ask your own question or reply to someone else. It only takes a few minutes to sign up and it’s free.
It’s easy to stay up-to-date with what’s important to you. If you post anything in the community, you’ll be notified when other community members reply.
Education Planning & Student Loans
Education planning has become increasingly important both due to its impact on lifetime earnings and its rising costs. Many people find the planning process confusing and the amount of information overwhelming. We want to make things simpler.
The Wells Fargo Community is dedicated to helping you understand your education planning options by:
- Bringing students, parents, college counselors, and financial advisors together so they can share their knowledge, advice, and experiences – all in one place.
- Spanning the entire college experience so you’ll find relevant conversations whether you’re preparing for college, in college, or done with college.
- Addressing key topics including saving for college, finding the right college, choosing a major, and preparing for life after college.
*~*~*
For more information about the Wells Fargo Community, please visit Wells Fargo Community’s site. I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls Collective, and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own. #WFCommunity #spon
by Sarah | Dec 28, 2012 | ADHD - Adult, All About Erik, BiPolar, BiPolar with Hypomania, Depression, Special Needs
I have depression, amongst other problems and it’s killing me slowly, but surely. I’ve taken medications and been in therapy almost all of my life.
Nothing seems to take, nothing seems to help.
I have a wife, three kids and I should for all intents and purposes, be a happy person.
But I am suffering. I feel little else but pain and loneliness.
I don’t want to be this way, but I don’t seem to be able to escape it. It’s akin to drowning, being so close to the surface yet feeling the weight pulling me back down.
I want to be happy, to enjoy my family, to enjoy life, and be a happy, productive, positive person.
I seem to infect everything I do with my doom and gloom, my job, my friendships, my marriage, my kids, the list goes on. I suspect my wife is tiring of me. I think my kids are growing apart from me. I can barely function at work without causing problems. My friends don’t want me around because of my negativity and gloom.
I’m at the end of my rope.
I have been suicidal in years past, the most recent last year. I was in a group therapy class for a while which really helped, and some new meds that I really thought were working.
But my meds crashed hard on me, which they all do invariably. Tried several others this fall, had a myriad of bad side effects, so I decided (after discussing it with my Dr.) that I needed a medication break. I haven’t had one in several years and I have bouncing from medicine to medicine. But this leaves me in my bleak state, and barely able to function normally.
I think at some point I am feeling sorry for myself (or so some people tell me), that I am just wallowing in my misery. But I WANT out, I don’t want to stay like this anymore. I also think that if I dismiss my problems as feeling sorry for myself, I may not be accepting that I have a truly crippling disease. It’s chronic. It won’t kill me, but it will make me wish I was I dead. It will not eat my physical body like cancer. Instead it will feed on my soul until there is just a husk left, no personality or self anymore, just a mess of quirks and poor decisions, unlovable or unwanted.
Does anyone understand this? Do I feel alone for a reason? Or is it just self pity?
I have had a lot of people tell me that I just need to stand up and be strong. To read self help books. To suck up my weaknesses and stop feeling sorry for myself. I literally don’t know where I stop or start anymore. Where I belong in the world. I know that I need to be with my family, but I don’t want to drag them down to my depths of despair.
And that is where I am.
In despair.
I accept and own all of my actions as a result of my problems. I don’t advance at work. I don’t provide well financially for my family.
I am not the husband or father I want to be.
I am not the person I want to be, seen as someone who is likable and respectable.
Who am I? Where am I?
*Written by my husband Erik. He has spent the past year in deep struggle to regulate his depression/bi-polar/ADD issues – including a myriad of diagnoses & medications. Right now he is in a very dark place and has written this. With his permission, I post it. Please offer him as much support as you can.
by Sarah | Dec 27, 2012 | All About Denver, All About Erik, All About Family, All About Kennedy, All About Marriage, All About Me, All About Molly, All of Us
I’m not going to lie and come in here with rainbows & sunshine and say 2012 was the BEST YEAR EVER!!!
Because it wasn’t.
We had struggles. Financially, physically, mentally, we struggled. Kids went in the hospital, husband had medical issues of many kinds, I sprained my ankle, husband sprained an ankle, Kennedy came within inches of a feeding tube.
There have been lows. Some of them mind-numbingly bad.
But we are still here. Our whole family.
And beyond those lows – there were highs. Highs like we’ve never seen – and experiences that were beyond amazing.
For me, 2012 will be a year to be immortalized in my mental record books.
It was the year I dyed my hair purple.
It was the year I got published.
It was the year I swung through the trees.
It was the year I signed my first book contract.
It was the year I climbed mountains.
It was the year I signed 2 more publishing contracts – bringing my years total to 3.
It was the year Erik and I finally got a vacation.
It was the year I got to see Cirque (Creepy & cool).
It was the year I turned 36 – & finally felt like I’d come into my own.
It was the year I ran my first 5k.
I made friends out in that big world, my blog grew, my experiences grew, I grew. Sometimes out of struggle, but I still grew.
2013 has so much promise to it. Two of my books and a short story are all due to be published. I have more experiences waiting for me on the other side of January 1st. I know we’ll have struggles, I know we aren’t done fighting many of the battles we’re still waging today, and I know that there will be days I’ll want to give up.
But I also know – that I will emerge from each of those struggles. Maybe scarred, but always stronger.
So bring it, 2013. The Promises, and the Struggles. I’m ready for you.
by Sarah | Dec 24, 2012 | Holidays
The presents are wrapped. The stockings are hung. The cookies are baked. The tree is lit.
Tonight is the night of hopes, dreams & wishes for young and old. The night where each of us believes in Santa. The kindness of man. The giving of spirit.
This year our lives have been touched with great joys, our lives have been touched with deep sorrows.
Tonight is the night we hope for everything for our children, for our family and friends.
May all your wishes come true.
May your lives be touched with human kindness as ours has.
May you be able to share that joy with others.
May you have peace. If only for a day.
