by Sarah | Jul 31, 2014 | All About Me, All of Us, Crap, Personal, Random, Redefining Perfect
I have an addiction.
I freely admit it.
On a regular basis.
I know I should quit.
I’ve come close so very many times.
But always it calls me back.
Fountain pop.
Specifically, Dr. Pepper.
I get 1…2…sometimes 3 a day.
When I have will power, I can back off to one a day.
But stopping hasn’t happened…
I blame it on my old allergies.
And current allergies.
Being forced to drink juice and/or Kool-aid all the time every day for years even to the point of eating my rice krispies with orange juice in place of milk–well, it makes you pretty much hate any and all juice and never want to drink it.
And then you can’t drink milk because of an allergy (to the protein, no-I’m not lactose intolerant, thank you…it’s an allergy)…
Your options are slim.
And I’m not a water girl.
(Although the husband is a water boy – even works for a water filtration/softener company)
So there is pop.
One day I will quit.
One day.
But not today.
~sips her pop as she hits publish~
by Sarah | Jul 2, 2014 | All About Me, All of Us, Blogging Life, Crap, Personal, Pour Your Heart Out, Random, Redefining Perfect
I like to act like I have all the answers.
It’s better to be in the know.
But I’m a fake.
There’s so many minutes of every day that I’m lost.
I don’t know how to handle all of the things life has thrown at me lately. Sometimes the littlest thing sets me off in a tizzy and I’m gone for hours.
My mind eventually catches up to my panic and eases my internal panic, but in the interim I’m lost.
The past month has been overwhelming in a seemingly never-ending stream of issue upon issue. Most of which I have no answers for, no way to resolve in the real world in any matter of real time.
99% of the time I do my best not to show it (this past month has been an exception).
I’m a great actress in this respect. I’m great at the “fake it ’til you make it”.
When all I want to do is cry.
Scream.
Hide.
Crawl into a dark hole until the worst passes.
I wish I had all the answers. I work better with facts. Knowledge. They say knowledge is power, and in most ways it’s true. Unfortunately, too many of the current events are great unknowns.
What will happen with my dad’s Parkinson’s?
Will my sons CF issues crop up again this year?
Will my daughter’s erupt in a way they haven’t in years?
Did we make a mistake putting the middle on meds?
Will SSI resolve fast or do I have more fight ahead?
Will my new (old) job really help us out? Or hinder us in some way?
Too many questions and not enough answers.
If I could get some solid answers, maybe I’d be better off.
Until then, I’ll keep faking it until I make it, I guess.
*~*
Written for Things I can’t Say’s Pour Your Heart Out
by Sarah | Jul 1, 2014 | All About Home, All About Me, All of Us, Crap, Random, Redefining Perfect, Top Ten Tuesday
Just over five years ago we gave up cable. Then, after a year I caved and got it again, only to cancel it again after our discount rate went away.
We sure don’t miss the cost, but there are a few things I miss .
With regular stations, Netflix, and Amazon Prime, we have plenty to watch and shows to catch up on, and other shows we can catch after a year, but some things just aren’t the same.
- DVR. There are so many times I simply forget a show is on, or something comes up and I’m not at the TV when it comes on. Worse, some shows (Hell, SYTYCD) just don’t let me catch it online “next day”. I miss the convenience of in-box DVR.
- Ghost Hunters. Inarguably the one show I miss. It’s also the one that SyFy refuses to stream in any way.
- The Dead Files. Another favorite. (Are we sensing a theme here?)
- My Ghost Story. (Seriously, I need help.)
- Nick at Night. It’s showing MY old favorites now…good shows, great reruns.
- Hell on Wheels. Yes it’s on Netflix, but first run is better.
- American Pickers. Yeah.
- Nat Geo. ‘Nuff said.
- FX.
- 100’s of channels. Always something on. (this is both a blessing and a curse. Harder to turn off the TV and, oh, I dunno…WORK.)
In the end, life is better without cable. But some days I do get waxing poetic over the whole thing.
What about you? What is your favorite thing about having, or not having, cable as the case may be? If you don’t…what do you miss most from cable?
by Sarah | Jun 11, 2014 | All About Denver, All About Family, All About Me, All of Us, Crap, Random, Redefining Perfect, Special Needs, The Teenager
The past two weeks have been overwhelming.
It’s been one thing after another.
Denver got sick.
My dad’s Parkinson’s has reared its ugly head something fierce.
Denver’s teenage life blew up into all sorts of drama.
Husband had some big decisions to make at work, and the end result was the exact opposite that we’d been hoping for over the past few years.
I think my head might have exploded at one point.
I’ve been short tempered.
I’ve slept too much to cope.
I haven’t eaten enough.
I’ve only eaten crap.
I haven’t written a word.
But I’m still here.
I’m hoping this is the other side of hell week(s).
I’m putting one foot in front of the other.
Trying not to make a sound.
Trying to remember that positive side of me and find that silver lining.
Trying to not reawaken the dragon.
Because life doesn’t wait for you to cross the tight rope.
It keeps going on.
And so will I.
by Sarah | Jun 4, 2014 | All About Denver, All About Erik, All About Kennedy, All About Me, All About Molly, All of Us, Anger Issues, Autism, BiPolar with Hypomania, Crap, Cystic Fibrosis, Random, Redefining Perfect, Special Needs
There are minutes.
Hours.
Days.
When it’s all too much.
When everything hits at once and I just want to collapse.
Cry.
Crawl in a hole.
Run.
One child with autism – now on ADHD meds.
Two with CF.
One of those that’s currently ill – and facing possible hospitalization for the second time in a year.
One of those that also has behavioral issues that make me wonder just how to handle it all with her.
A dad with Parkinson’s…which is rapidly growing worse.
A mom I want to help, but am clueless as to how.
A brother I haven’t spoken to in 2 years, with whom I’m now making baby steps to repair that relationship.
Finances.
A new job I never wanted, but needed to get.
A surgery to “Fix” a problem…that didn’t work at all, and might have made it worse.
The list goes on.
And on.
And I forget how to breathe.
I forget which way is up.
But I move on.
I continue on every day as I have every day.
Eventually I remember how to breathe.
My brain remembers how to process.
I find solid ground again.
Today I’m upside down.
Tonight sleep won’t be easy.
But maybe tomorrow…
Tomorrow will be better.
by Sarah | Nov 15, 2013 | All About Me, All of Us, Crap, NaBloPoMo, Random, Story of Me
Back at the start of NaBlo I spoke of a coon tale with a happy ending. I also foretold of a second story minus such an ending. Today I give you that story.
I was young, probably 6 or 7 when this happened.
Back in New York we had a place we called “The Farm”. It was my dad’s hunting lodge, acres of trees and a small plot of land with a two story run-down old farm house.
Often my dad and uncle would take us kids out and we’d climb trees, play in the woods, ignore the scurrying of mice when we slept in the attic.
My dad and uncle would make repairs as they went. The stairs one year, the roof another. We had a fancy outhouse (not designed for girls, modifications were necessary for me). No electricity, a wood stove. We played outdoors 95% of the time we were there. There was a beehive in the walls that buzzed, and everything was old and drafty and I loved every visit.
The year the roof was redone my dad was up working hard peeling off tiles and taking off rotting decking.
He peeled back a panel of decking and happened upon a coon’s nest. A momma and her five babies.
Keeping in mind at this time Rabid Racoons were a major issue at the time – and the momma was PISSED, my dad did what was necessary to defend himself.
He grabbed the nearest weapon, his hammer, and took care of momma. He would have moved the babies, but they were way too young to fend for themselves, and so he also took care of them.
For years we tormented my poor dad with this tale of bopping the baby coons on the head…
But it was necessary (unlike in the earlier story I told).
A sad tale, true…but also a fitting descriptor of survival of the fittest.
Because if dad hadn’t taken action…that momma coon sure would have.
Fountain pop.
