Always photogenic.
I have a few…off…pictures where she was goofing around or grumpy.
Most of the time it’s pure magic.
Smiling, pensieve, anywhere in between.
She loves to pose for the camera and I have a series of photos from a couple years back where she’s turning and posing in every way she can think of.
So it was not much of a surprise to me when she came home from school today bearing this little gem:
After all, she’s perfect for it.
Now to get her there.
Time for another Hump Day hook! Edits on Changing Tracks are done. I have since written another short story and sold it, and am about to dive into an hours push of writing on Into a Mirror Darkly again.
Since I don’t quite have my cover art with the publisher logo back yet, I’ll refrain from another snippet from Changing Tracks until next week. If I don’t have it by then, I’ll use a random picture from my files. 🙂
So, just for kicks I’m going to post one of my favorite snips from Book 2 in the Dominion Falls series, Derailed. My main character, Jane…preparing for…well, you’ll see:
Simple. No petticoats, no corset. One well cut layer of fabric.
Plain. Rough black wool. No adornments, not even a visible button.
A dress of death. Her death.
Pale skin shone back at her in the mirror. Shaking hands pulling her tresses back into a simple bun. No hat, no coat. The bitter cold temperatures would mean little to her welfare. Illness wouldn’t claim you if you were already dead.
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When I was 5 and living in Buffalo one of the best treats was when mom took us to Hills department store. That place had slushies and hot dogs in the front, and sometimes we got a treat after shopping. I loved going to Hills.
Then one day I wanted gum. I REALLY wanted gum while we were standing in line to leave. Mom told me no. I didn’t like that. I don’t remember swiping the gum, but I remember getting caught. Standing next to the car, Mom scolding me and then marching me right back into the store and admitting to the manager what I’d done.
I.Was.Terrified.
It stuck with me.
So when we had some incidents in November with K first lying and then stealing and lying about it, my first instinct was something similar.
The next morning I marched her into school and made her first tell the principal (lovely woman, BTW) and then her teacher (another great person) – and apologize for what she’d done. For the next few weeks until break K had to meet with the guidance counselor weekly. She lost some recess time and at home she was left to sit in the corner while her sister got to play and watch one of her favorite movies.
We thought – maybe it was attention seeking. Life was chaotic. Denver had just spent a week in the hospital and then another week getting PICC treatments. Maybe it was just attention.
But now…the behavior is escalating.
I’m worried. As worried as I always was when she was self-injuring. Because it’s a new type of self-injury.
The most difficult part about it is that she is GOOD. She lies without a blink. She swipes toys and books from her teacher, her classroom, and brings them home to claim them without a second thought.
I’m at a loss. I’m worried. She clearly remembers every time she’s been caught and gotten in trouble (and really, how many times have we missed?). I don’t feel like I can trust my own lovely, kind-hearted, snuggly girl…because she can lie so blatantly and fearlessly right to my face.
I can’t even begin to know how to deal with this. Or why she’s doing it.
Where do I even begin?
Last year I challenged myself in many ways.
This year is challenging me in ways I never expected – especially not so soon (we are only 14 days in, for crying out loud).
Still, there are rays of hope starting to glimmer through.
While working outside the home didn’t work out for a variety of reasons, I’ve managed to pick up odd jobs here and there. I have a part time job working for a lovely lady & the job is 85% virtual/online.
Another odd job is something I’ve thought about doing for a while. I’m just dipping my toe in right now, but so far the water is nice. If it goes well and starts to build, it could be good for me.
I’m also embarking on a project with my Critique group that is at turns terrifying…and deeply exciting. It’s a learning and growing experience that’s coming to mean a lot to me.
Of course there’s that book-thing next month that I’m gearing up for – and another in April. Not to mention some new stories that are truly exciting me, no matter their length.
I’m re-considering my experiment of merging my author and personal blogs. No firm decisions yet, but it’s a definite thought that’s occupying my mind. I suppose it all depends on how active my author blog becomes and how much the traffic grows.
On the family front the kids are back in school, and now that hubby’s flu has passed life should begin to return to our normal schedules and maybe I can get these decorations down.
My smarty-pants Denver is making a DNA model out of K’Nex for extra credit. Molly is showing real progress in all of her IEP goals. Kennedy is…well, she’s struggling right now & giving us cause for worry…but she is still ready with at least one heart-melty smile every single day.
Yes, 2013 is certainly throwing its fair share of crap our way…but finally I’m starting to feel that the sun is peeking through the clouds of turmoil.
Now I just need to find new ways to challenge myself like I did last year.
Any ideas?
There are times, moments really, when I am full of hope and vigor. The future holds so much promise.
The sun shines.
Birds sing.
My children smile.
The calm is a good place to be.
Life can’t ever let you stay there – because how could you enjoy those moments if they are all you have? How can you sit back and soak in the joy of good moments and glad tidings if you never get poor news.
This week, maybe three, have been a crap-storm of bad.
Buried under in negativity, pressure, and tears.
I can think of three or four instances where I’ve been ready to throw up my hands and say “That’s it. I’m done!”
But I weather through.
I stand firm against the tornado.
I close my eyes against the driving needles of sleet.
I cover my ears against the ringing pain of the wind.
I brace my spine with steel so it won’t break under the pressure.
Because I know the good is coming again. I can bear the pain, so that I can revel in that joy just a little more next time it comes.
It’s there, on the horizon. Right within my grasp.
Tomorrow, or next week, or next month, it will arrive.
The calm after the storm.
And I will have earned it. We all will have earned it.