by Sarah | Jan 15, 2011 | All About Me, All of Us
We are knee-deep in snow. I’m loving it.
2010 is GONE. I’m SO loving that.
I originally had a whole diatribe written out about what sucked in 2010, and how 2011 hasn’t started out great…but this post is supposed to be about hope. Starting it with nastiness and negativity isn’t conducive to the post.
So here is to the future. 2011 is going to rock…even if it kills me *G*
To that end, here are some things I’d like to see happen in 2011. Goals, not resolutions, because I can’t keep a resolution to save my life.
* Get a large team together for the Cystic Fibrosis walk this coming May. Help raise LOTS of money for this supremely worthy, and important to our family, cause. The team will be forming in February once we have a definite yay or nay on Brandon. After that walk is over, start asking at the hospital about what sort of volunteer work is available for the CF area. Once all kids are in school, I want to start getting more involved & giving back.
* Get back in shape. I started last year doing C25k and loved it – but fell off the wagon. This isn’t about weight loss – it’s about the fact that I feel like hell…and I really just want to feel good about myself and what I’m doing for my own health and happiness.
* Feed my family healthier. My husband has diabetes, his diagnosis was years ago and I changed very little about our diets. Bread, potatoes and pasta are huge staples in this house and that has to stop…Archie is already OLD (teasing, he’s 9 years older than me & I always pick on him for it)…I don’t need to shorten his life span by cooking him crap. Also, we could all stand to eat healthier. Riley could stand to start eating…PERIOD (another post for another day there).
* Get on a budget. Living hand to mouth isn’t good for us. It’s horrible for hubby’s depression and it’s horrible for emergency situations. I say this every year – this year Archie is on board. Living on a TIGHT budget is going to be tough. We’ll be strong, somehow.
* Complete at least 3 items from my 45X45 (i.e. Bucket) List. I’ve already taken the first step to getting one item knocked off…We’ll see what else I can’t wrangle this year. This goes back to what I said earlier – I want to feel good about myself. Doing some things for me is part of that.
* Get a decent haircut. In 34 years I’ve not succeeded at this. I loved having my hair really long, but I had have it shorn off last year in a very brutal and traumatic way (I know it sounds silly, but it WAS traumatic, still is). Right now I’d be happy to get a not-too-short style that suits my features. I’ve NEVER had this. I REALLY want it.
* Be more loyal to my blog(s) {yes I have more than one}. Be more true to myself WITHIN those blogs. I have started to do that here and have seen a definite & positive change in the past few months because of it.
* Build my community. In December I was able to witness first hand the power of community. My heart has been filled by this event, and I want to work harder to keep the communities I have and build on them. This means I can’t be afraid to use the phone to call people. I have to reach out, not just expect to be reached out to – because that doesn’t happen.
* Re-establish a deeper connection with my family. Including being honest with them about how I’m feeling about certain things. Be honest about events in the past. Make it a point to see them more regularly than “events”. Set up a regularly monthly lunch date w/ my mom and sister-in-law…don’t make it an event that only happens when my aunt is in town.
* Work on my photography with more diligence. Make it a point to go out on photo-walks at least once a month. Once a week once the weather gets warmer. Take my little one with me if I have to during the week while school’s in. Take my eldest when I can, and nourish his love of photography that is building. Finish my book on my camera and cross fingers for a lens that I’ve been eyeing.
* CLEAN MY HOUSE. The dream is to kick out my kids for a week. Shove everything out of the house and only bring back in the necessaries. Both Archie & I dream of doing a mass cleaning like this. Our house is just disgustingly full of clutter. It doesn’t help that it is SO TINY.
* WRITE MORE. Okay, not more than I did last year – I got insane w/ the writing & had no sleep or house cleaning because of it. That’s bad…but I haven’t written in 3 months and I hate that.
* READ MORE. I need to settle in and enjoy reading again. I want to read some classics, and some guilty pleasure newer novels. The more I read, the better writer I can become.
* FIND BALANCE. This…wow, this one is big. I’m bad at this. When I do something I do it big and everything else falls away…and suffers because of it. I struggle to pull away from the computer just to do housework. Part of this goal is definitely backing away from the computer to focus on other things more. In order to do this I have to stay up when hubby leaves for work. I have to schedule my days for a change, and get things done. Once I get the mass cleaning of the house done – I don’t want it to get like this again. I will need to be diligent.
* BE HAPPY. I know this year is going to bring me more and bigger challenges. For all the challenges 2010 brought me, I made it through…but I didn’t always make it through HAPPY. Even now I’m still grousing about it. I have always been one to try to find the silver lining, but lately I’ve been content to wallow. I don’t want to wallow this year. Whatever the struggle, I know we can face it. Just like we faced every struggle of 2010.
by Sarah | Jan 14, 2011 | 100 Words, Writing
Three forms of birth control didn’t stop conception.
Her parents didn’t know she was there, but she grew anyway.
4 weeks early she came.
Tiny, strong, pink.
The world’s happiest baby.
Torticollis.
Tightened limbs, stuck in the ‘airplane reflex’.
Tibial Torsion.
Dysphagia.
Hypotonia.
Cystic Fibrosis.
Her parents’ world filled with words, labels, fears, harsh realities. Pain wrapped around their hearts daily.
Then she’d smile.
Laugh.
Continue to grow.
Intelligent.
Happy.
Strong.
Already so many odds she’s pushed past. Nothing has stopped her yet. Nothing will stop her in the future.
She’s not afraid. Never was.
She’s got an invincible spirit.
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Note: This is about my own daughter. The minute I saw the word was invincible, I knew I had to write this. My heart wouldn’t let me walk away. Angel is our light…every day she gives us reasons to believe she’ll beat down every obstacle that comes her way.
****
Please, visit Velvet’s site to check out other more worthy entries…
by Sarah | Jan 14, 2011 | Fatherhood Fridays
I always feel lousy this time of year. And it is almost always depression, sinking its sharp teeth in me, and shaking me like a dog with a new toy. Even if I didn’t have the armload of mental issues that I do, this is always a tough time of year. The pressures of the holidays, the pressures at work, everything just becomes more intense in the winter.
I do love the winter, the hush that falls with the first snow early in the morning (I often go outside early just to experience this); bundling up my girls in scarves, hats, and coats; the refreshing chill in the morning. I don’t really care for the angry motorists who don’t scrape their windshields; the cars that blow up on their owners (personally speaking); the nasty brown slush that gets left behind; wet socks from all of the snow tramped in the house; and the claustrophobic feeling that occurs after hearing your kids tear around the inside of a very small house for weeks on end.
It does give me time to catch up on movie watching, of which I am and addict. It drives Sadie and the kids nuts because I like movies with blood, guns, action, guns shooting, gore, guns shooting people, kung fu, sci-fi, boobies, war epics, and scary flicks. Sadie usually puts on headphones and averts her eyes, as the sound of bone crunching mayhem makes her nauseous. Not me, the louder the better. Most of you readers are women as well, and will sympathize with my wife’s plight. Other have husbands who don’t watch such stuff, and I feel bad that they don’t know what they are missing. For example; in the new Rambo movie, blood doesn’t run, it explodes. I know, cool, right? I actually like some dramatic movies, but I can’t watch rom-coms/chick flicks. Sadie always wants me to write movie reviews, but I think most women would be bored to read about my take on “Troy”. If anyone were interested, let me know and I’ll try it.
I have a few things that I want to do this year, but I don’t want to call them resolutions. I hate new year resolutions, they never get resolved. But I would like to improve myself this year. Here are a few things I want to try:
- Exercise often and eat healthier. I can do this, but I haven’t been able to sustain very well. Right now, my overall health is horrible. I need to get a new ipod/mp3 player with an armband holder and I’ll be set.
- Play with the girls more often. I’m guilty of not sharing enough with them, and I want to fix it.
- Play, spend time with, try to understand the boy better and spend more time with him. Right now my patience is very short with him, and I feel a little(not a lot) bad about that.
- Groom and maintain my yard better. It looked great for several years, but the last two years it has looked like crap. A nicely filled out and trimmed yard makes me very happy and peaceful.
- Have a better all around attitude, especially at work. I’m a naturally negative person, and it’s tough to be smiley. But I can do it.
- Be better to my wife. I’m a very difficult person, owing a lot to my ocd habits, and she gets the brunt of it. She deserves better, and I should be capable of doing better for her. I love her.
That’s a few of the things I want to do. Maybe I can share more later. Wish me luck, I’m off to wok on ‘em. We’re due for a good year.
**********
When I approached Archie about writing this week, he didn’t know what to write. He felt “uncomfortable” writing aobut something outside of the kids. After a little explanation that this blog is about Redefining Perfect in every way, including our own lives…I managed to wrangle a post out of him. For those that don’t know, because I generally only mention it in passing on this blog – Archie has severe depression & anxiety disorders…as well as we believe that he actually is the genetic blueprint for Riley * her autism.
That being said, I always love having Archie post on my blog, and I hope you’ll all show him some love. He deserves it most of the time 😉
by Sarah | Jan 12, 2011 | All About Kennedy, Cystic Fibrosis, Hospital
The hospital is only a memory.
The PICC line is gone, only a few scabs and red skin serve to remind us it was there.
A box of leftover saline syringes lingers in the kitchen.
Two more appointments in the coming month loom ahead.
But…
We are in ‘the clear’ as much as we can be.
Angel has resumed her regularly scheduled programming.
With a little bit more joy than before.
A few more crazy antics added to her repertoire.
The songs she makes up, I listen to the words now. She’s smart & clever & playful.
She responds to Dora, Diego, and Team Umizoomi with enthusiasm and joy. She sucks in all knowledge she can like a sponge, seeping off her her sisters growing roster of knowledge.
Her love for her Daddy has expanded and grown since the hospital, with random expressive “I love you’s” popping out so much more often than before. While she still gets mad at him, she snuggles with him more.
The light that has always been our most joyful, smiling baby has grown brighter.
Or maybe we are just taking in that light with greater gratitude than before.
Appreciating and savoring it more deeply.
She is our light.
She always has been.
Nothing can extinguish her.
She’s indomitable.
She’s….our shining Angel.
by Sarah | Jan 11, 2011 | Random
Finally, I am mostly free of the creeping crud. I can talk in my normal voice again, I’m only coughing occasionally. I got housework done today!!
Whoever thought I’d see the day that I was HAPPY I’d managed to do housework? There is just something inherently wrong with that statement.
I’m glad to get back to the blog, although I feel like I need some oil for my blogging joints. Amazing how being away for just a few days makes that first few posts so difficult to follow through on.
I’m working on a few posts about my dreams/goals for 2011 – but I dare not call them resolutions (I can’t keep one of those to save my life). I’m working on posts about the kids (all three)…where they are now what they’re struggling with, or we’re struggling with.
But I’m also working on projects outside the blog so I’m distracted and trying to refocus (part of the whole goals thing).
So in the meantime, before this becomes an entire post of nothing, here’s just a few random tidbits:
* Our Christmas tree is still up. My plans to take it down last week were thwarted and thus, it remains.
* Three years later I’m finally being a good wife. I’ve ordered some books about diabetes & recipes. We’ll be making meal plans from those. I’ve also sort of crafted a bento box for him until I can afford a real one. He’s in heaven having his food compartmentalized (did we mention we thing Riley got her autism from him 😉 )
* I’ve always quietly snickered and/or rolled my eyes at the raves of the Snuggie in the twitterverse…but, um…I HAVE ONE. Yup, and I LOVE IT.
* We were BLESSED with many many clothes for the girls for Christmas. Their dressers are full again and I am so grateful.
* We had a beautiful white Christmas here in Indy…and now it is snowing again. I am one happy Buffalo-born gal.
* My oldest is turning 13 in 2 weeks. I’m feeling OLD.
* I saw (most of) Wicked back in December. It was good, but I couldn’t enjoy myself…and I didn’t see the end because I wanted to get back to the hospital…but then I had to go back and…well, that’s a story for another day. Maybe I will have a chance to see it again one day.
* Given the choice of a computer, an iPod, or a DSLR camera (a low-cost model) for his belated present – Brandon is leaning toward the camera….that’s my boy 😉
* Did you know that it’s much easier to see the bright side and be pleasant when you aren’t sick? No, really…IT IS!!
That’s it for now. Hopefully I’ll be back in the swing of things here in no time. I’m pushing through the last of the ick, and trying to write (much more than blog posts). I’m also finishing up a design for a new blog…not mine, but a good friends’. I’m very excited for it…I’ll be sure to give you the URL when it’s done!!
We are knee-deep in snow. I’m loving it.
