by Sarah | Dec 6, 2010 | All About Me
December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)
If I’m to be cmpletely honest, I don’t think I did, or do, this enough. It’s something I need to work on.
But occasionally the wonder snuck in and took hold despite my lack of cultivation.
My kids are a wonderful source of wonder. All three of them manage to either give me a new way to look at something, or cause that sense of wonder themselves. From the way they look at the world – to the way they surprise me with their capabilities and actions.
Beyond that, I’m reaching the point where my camera has started to become such a part of me, that it helps me look at the world in a different way. Even when I don’t have it with me, I find myself looking for shots, and seeing everything in a different light.
My favorite time of year for having a sense of wonder, though…is right now. The holidays. The first snowfall, the way the tree looks lit up, the decorations, the sense of pure joy in every part of the season. It’s definitely a wondrous time of year – and I hope next year I can learn to carry it with me much longer.
December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)
I let go of the only person I had to let go of. We lost my gramma this year. Suddenly, without much warning, she went to be with grampa.
We miss her still. Our loss is still affecting us.
Letting go is never easy. Whether the loss happens quick and unexpected – or over a period of time.
This loss has been even more difficult for me, it seems. I’ve lived away from Buffalo for so long, and I’m still not there. It’s like nothing in my every day changed…so when it hits again, it’s like a fresh wound.
So maybe I fool myself to say I’ve let go…
Just like with my grampa, I may never truly let go.
December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)
This one is easy. The last thing I made was a pair of gloves. It’s the thing I’m making right now. It’s something I’ll be making for another week or so. Of course, I’ll also be making cookies (in fact, literally I’ll be baking some today)…and pettiskirts and dresses.
I always need more time to make things – another 10 hours in the day would be GREAT so that I could get some of these things done that I absolutely must.
Sometimes having Crafter’s ADD is a bad, bad thing…
by Sarah | Dec 5, 2010 | Photography, Weekly Winners
The first fall of snow is not only an event, it’s a magical event. ~Anonymous
All taken w/ Canon Rebel XTi.
For week 11/28-12/04/10
The first real snowfall found me out on a lovely peaceful photo walk. I had so many great pics I had a hard time narrowing them down!
Abandonment Revisited
*I took a pic of this silo back in the fall. Got another shot today!
Kindness is like snow, it beautifies everything it covers. ~Anonymous
Beginning to look a lot like Christmas
“There is nothing in the world more beautiful than the forest clothed to its very hollows in snow. It is the still ecstasy of nature, wherein every spray, every blade of grass, every spire of reed, every intricacy of twig, is clad with radiance.” ~William Sharp
True Love Heart
Seek Love in the pity of others’ woe,
In the gentle relief of another’s care,
In the darkness of night and winter’s snow,
In the naked and outcast, seek Love there!
~William Blake
Snow Hammock
So comes snow after fire, even dragons have their ending. ~J.R.R. Tolkien
Fences will not bind me
Nature chose for a tool, not the earthquake or lightning to rend and split asunder, not the stormy torrent or eroding rain, but the tender snow-flowers noiselessly falling through unnumbered centuries. ~John Muir
Shrouded Beauty
Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow. ~Alice M. Swaim
Contrast
The snow itself is lonely or, if you prefer, self-sufficient. There is no other time when the whole world seems composed of one thing and one thing only. ~Joseph Wood Krutch
Buried Playtime
Nature has no mercy at all. Nature says “I’m going to snow. If you have on a bikini and no snow shoes, that’s tough. I am going to snow anyway.” ~Maya Angelou
Lines
There is still vitality under the winter snow, even though to the casual eye it seems to be dead. ~Agnes Sligh Turnbull
When it snows, you have two choices: shovel or make snow angels. ~Unknown
See more of my photos from my photo walk over at my flickr account.
That’s all for this week. Head on over to Lotus‘ digs to see more!!
by Sarah | Dec 4, 2010 | Random
In case you live under a rock and didn’t already know, there’s a great new challenge of sorts out there in the blogosphere. It’s called #Reverb10. It’s a chance to reflect on 2010 and set your destiny for 2011. Through a series of (very inspiring) prompts. You’re not required to post daily, but can do a few at a time if you want. Anyway, first I saw that Mishi was doing it, and then Lotus, and then on twitter I got a nudge from Mishi asking if I was taking the challenge. Well, I can never turn down Mishi…even if I hadn’t already been seriously considering it, she tipped the scales, so here I am. Once again posting in December (at this rate I should have signed up for NaBlo for December!!). This could be a long post, but I’ll try to keep it short.
****
December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)
My word for 2010 would have to be:
CHANGE
2010 brought a lot of change in my life. Archie and I changed the way we related, the way we communicated. After a rough year in 2009 (we had a very rough patch), we worked on repairing our relationship. It’s changed our relationship for the better. We also experienced the sudden loss of my grandma, Riley starting Kindergarten, Brandon joining Scouts and Cross Country – not to mention his voice changing – which all helped turn him into a young man, an almost officially teen young man. Angel’s illness changed, becoming no longer a diagnosis and more a reality. The girls finally changed and became potty trained. And our status as a parent of 2 special needs children has changed into possibly 3 special needs kids. The last change happened here on this blog. For well over a year I neglected it, posting sparatically, insignificant posts that didn’t MEAN anything. In just the past two months I’ve started a gradual change in myself, and am trying to reflect it in my blog. I’m writing more, and yes some of it is fluff, but it’s changing, becoming much more honest about who I am, and who we are.
In 2011, I want my word to be:
GROWTH
I want to take 2011 and see growth in all areas of my life. I want to take charge of myself and really grow in the new year. In all aspects of my life.
I want to stop leaving behind goals and dreams, and get the strength to follow them through.
To grow my blog. To grow in my photography. To grow in my family, in my spirit, in my home and every aspect of my life.
I want to see my family grow stronger, more capable, more joyous in our every day.
I want everything about my life to grow. Change will not scare me, because it will mean we are growing.
December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)
I spend way too much time surfing and watching the TV. It doesn’t contribute to anything in my life – certainly not my writing. I can eliminate it, I HAVE to eliminate it. I need to organize my life better so that I’m not wandering around aimlessly in the WWW when I could be doing something meaningful – whether it be writing, taking care of my home & family or taking pictures.
December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)
This is difficult. One moment that I felt most alive. There were a few. My first wine tasting with my husband. Our weekend getaway downtown where we just walked the city and dined out, spending the night in a nice hotel. The photo walks I went on with my son, where we shared a love of photography and a bit of one on one time.
But I think it was in this moment. I had broken the 2.75 mile barrier on a run when I was attempting the C25k and felt proud and so very alive despite my exhaustion.
I have since fallen out of the running habit, and now with snow on the ground and no gym membership affordable it’s not looking likely to get re-started in the next couple of months…but I have every intention of starting it up again. I loved the sense of accomplishment this horrible non-runner got from beating the previous pace, building up my stamina and getting healthy again.
*******
Yes, it is December 4th and there’s already a prompt for today, but I’m out of time and I’ll be back on Monday with another three days of #Reverb10
by Sarah | Dec 3, 2010 | All About Denver, All About Erik, All About Kennedy, All About Molly, Fatherhood Fridays
The holidays are always hard on me. I wasn’t the happiest or sunniest child, and that has carried over to adulthood. It always felt as if they snuck up and hit me in the back of the head, but then didn’t run away but stayed to continue doing it until February or March. There is some SAD to it, mixed with my own general depression/anxiety/obsessive-compulsive traits. Having kids has made it a lot better and I enjoy our Christmases together. As a parent, one of my biggest struggles has been to be upbeat and excited about the holidays throughout the year. Each year, I persevere, yet feel as if I leave too much for my wife to do. Sometimes it’s the way duties are separated in the household, each having mostly consistent roles and chores to be done. But nothing is ever written in stone.
Sadie is a SAHM, so most of the household duties fall to her; like dishes, laundry, cleaning, & cooking. I will occasionally do some of those, but never cooking(I’m a horrible cook). I usually take care of maintenance on the house & cars, do yard work, and of course, go to work daily to support all of us.
But when it comes to administering to the kids needs, physically and emotionally, both of us handle it together. Sadie is a bit more of a nurturer than I, but there are certain situations that I am better suited to address. And as for Sadie and myself, we have mostly balanced each other out well over the years. When I am struggling, she is able to keep from bottoming out. And when she is stressed past the limit, I am able to help her back to even ground.
What is hard about this year, and we try not to focus on the negative, is that our kids are having struggles with things we can’t help them with. We’re both still shell-shocked about Brandon’s preliminary diagnosis of CF, the reality is settling on us slowly, heavily. It was just so out of the blue, we thought to have him tested, but knew that nothing would come of it. I blame myself, but most parents do when something goes wrong for their kids. I know Sadie blames herself too, just a natural reaction. He is still getting high grades, wants to continue sports in the spring, and loves Boy Scout campouts. We think he is happy, or at least as happy as a twelve year old can express.
Angel having complications with her CF is not unexpected, but still is unsettling. How her function can go up and down so fast is scary, and makes us wonder if we’re not watching her close enough. Now she may have strep, although I don’t know the full ramifications of this yet. She gives us no symptoms or complaints until she is already well into sickness. However, she still has the brightest smiles and chatters about everything constantly. She can be read like an open book, but a book that you enjoy so much, you never want to put it down.
Riley is,…..well….we love Riley. As Sadie has posted, she has advanced and regressed at the same time. Riley is a whirlwind at home; usually blond hair flying behind her, fighting with and screaming at her sister, and talking so fast you can’t make anything out. In school, the reports are all saying that she is remaining on task better and learning LOTS of things. Infrequently at home, Riley withdraws into herself and just seems to vacate her body. This is usually when she is peaceful at home(not often). But she is slowly coming around to talking with us(REAL CONVERSATION MATERIAL). And she can be so loving sometimes, that her issues fade into the background.
I’m not saying that we have any more to deal with than any other parent. I’m just saying it’s tough, tough to be everything all the time. I have more respect now for my parents than I ever did before. Being a parent of children of special needs children is a hard job, but I have a feeling it won’t be the hardest thing I’ll ever do. That will be when they grow up and leave their mother and me.
I guess all I am really saying is love your kids. Love their strengths. Love their weaknesses. Love them as much as you can. Special needs or not, we are the lucky ones. Our children are alive and fighting, and we are in there fighting even harder along with them.
Enjoy your holidays!
by Sarah | Dec 2, 2010 | All About Learning, All About Molly, Autism
Back in November we had our long awaited IEP meeting.
They’ve confirmed and called it Autism Spectrum Disorder, Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified. In other words, they aren’t specifically labeling yet. They need more time to decide if it’s PDD-NOS or Aspergers (both of which she has indicators for).
Therapies are in place to help her.
Her testing has been altered to accommodate her needs.
Goals are set.
***
According to her teacher, outside of the initial very rough period of adjustment after her switch to full-day kindergarten she’s made leaps and bounds in her progress. Her fits are fewer, she’s more willing to sit for projects.
She still doesn’t play with the other kids, and they don’t play with her. She shadow-plays their play…and occasionally attempts interactions – but she is ‘different’ enough in how she tries to play that the other kids don’t really respond to it. That worries me.
But she LOVES school. LOVES learning. Is so excited to go every day. Counts down the days until she can go back when it’s the weekend.
All along I’ve been convinced that school was wrong for her.
Some days I still believe that.
But I can’t deny her excitement to learn, to be at school.
But then I see the signs that everything isn’t hunky dory.
Beyond behavioral issues – the inability for her to settle down when she gets home. The increased fighting w/ her siblings.
There’s the sudden aversion to eating. She’s so skinny, she can’t afford to not eat. She’s turning vegetarian, refusing any and all meat – which would be fine if I had the slightest clue how to feed a vegetarian (we are a MEAT loving family here). Beyond that, her lack of eating is resulting in thinning hair again. I rarely try to give her ‘pretty hair’ any longer because her hair is so thin, I just can’t style it.
And the bed wetting. I don’t blame her or yell at her. She apologizes every time. She just doesn’t know. She crashes SO hard after big overstimulating days that she sleeps right through her need to go. It’s not her fault, but I have enough laundry without this kind of event happening nightly.
***
I’m still worried.
My heart is torn.
There is no right.
Keep her in, how many more behaviors will emerge?
Take her out, break her heart and cause another meltdown triggered by a major change.
There is no right.
I’m incapable of helping her.
Of handling my own conflicted thoughts and heart and mind.
Lost.
So afraid of making another wrong turn.
Afraid that we’ve already screwed her over.
Afraid that we won’t be able to correct this.
Afraid that she’ll never ‘fit in’ and always feel that pain the way her daddy does.
December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)
December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)
