by Sarah | Feb 4, 2011 | All About Me, Crap
I’ve been fighting the funk.
For a long time.
A really long time.
Today.
Today I’m feeling a crackle of fire.
The spark started a couple weeks ago.
I was setting a daily schedule (that went by the wayside during the storm – restarting on Monday). Despite my inherent hatred of mornings – I was getting used to the 6AM pattern. Waking up, making breakfast & lunch for Archie and Riley. Sending them both off, doing a little of my personal morning routine. Sending off Brandon to school. Finishing my morning and getting started on my day with Angel. Getting chores actually completed.
This week has been off due to the inches of ice (we estimate there is 3 inches on the top of our truck).
But today there is a definite flaring of the fire that’s been smoldering. This isn’t forced. This is real. I’ve been writing (a LOT), I got good news on my manuscript, I’m getting my hair cut and colored tomorrow, and I have a few other things to look forward to in the near future.
It feels good to be in a good place again.
I’m not out of the woods, but the sun is shining through the trees. That is definitely good.
****
P.S. I signed up for NaBloPoMo again in February. They have a theme “character”, but I probably won’t follow it too close. I am severely disappointed in the lack of posts (period, not to mention their quality) in December and January and wanted to challenge myself right back into the game. Wish me luck 😀
by Sarah | Feb 3, 2011 | All About Me
Circa (guessing here) 1983?? At our cottage in Canada.
Teeny bikini and all. It wasn’t all cuteness like this:
Circa (another guess) 1980? (81?).
Yeah, this one is less dorky. (and looks AMAZINGLY like my Angel)
OF course, than there’s this one…where my brother gets to be the dork.
Yeah, that’s better. Bro sticking out his tongue.
I’m thinking this one is 81-82ish too.
(Many thanks to my long lost Beach-pal that found me on facebook and scanned in these memories [1st & 3rd pic are from her].)
by Sarah | Feb 2, 2011 | All About Denver, All About Kennedy, Cystic Fibrosis
For weeks the countdown to the next CF clinic appointment has been on. Angel and Brandon both had their blood drawn for the full genome sweep to determine their CF standing.
While yes, I’ve been in a panic about Brandon’s…
I’ve also been secretly worried about Angel’s. Despite everything, I wondered if it would actually come back positive.
Don’t get me wrong. I know everything we’ve been through. I remember the past three years clearly.
It’s because of that that I’ve been worried.
In case you don’t remember, our Journey to CF (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3) was not a clear, direct path. In fact, it wasn’t until May of 2010 and 1 positive test result that our highly experienced and dedicated, CF specialty, Pulmonary doctor said without a trace of doubt that this was CF.
So, in the back of my mind lingered that bit of doubt. Wondering, worrying what the test would show.
Tomorrow was supposed to be the day.
The city is covered in ice and the appointment has been CANCELED.
When I got the call I asked for the nurse to call me back. “Brandon is freaking out” was my excuse – but in truth, so am I.
They had to run Angel’s test first so they knew what to look for in Brandon’s. So….her results are in – his are NOT (oy).
In short, Angel has CF.
In length, the two defects that create her CF are VERY RARE. She’s a mutant of a gene mutation. She’s…unique. (we always knew that).
We don’t know the full extent of what this means for her. Or if it means anything at all beyond her having it.
We have to meet with the doctor for that.
So we’re back in a holding pattern. Our next scheduled appointment is the 23rd.
We’ll be looking for and hoping for answers for Brandon before then. The CF nurse is keeping an eye out for us. If I don’t hear anything by Wednesday of next week, they haven’t got them in. I’ll call again the following week to see. If they still don’t have anything, the next week will be our appt.
So…all we know now is that our little Angel is a weirdo. Unfortunately, this isn’t really news. (But it is a relief to have genetic confirmation that her strain is unusual, and we haven’t struggled to reach an answer that was false).
by Sarah | Feb 1, 2011 | All of Us, Crap
Peals of laughter echo through 1000 square feet.
Little feet pound across floors, shuddering through the house.
The sound of vehicles driving by is rare, but still happens.
Despite the sheet of ice covering our street.
Our trees.
Our yard.
We are safe. We have power (for now).
They say last night was not the worst. Tonight will be more.
Our trees have lost limbs.
Walking across our yard sounds like walking across a frozen lake.
It’s beautiful.
Dangerous.
I worry about my husband who went out in the ice to work because they wouldn’t close.
We will snuggle together against the cold. Hope that our power lines hold out.
We will make it through the silence.
I’d prefer the snow. Feet of snow is manageable.
Inches of ice is worrying.
I hope all in Indy stay safe. Warm. Keep their power.
Including us.
by Sarah | Jan 27, 2011 | All About Me
I’m the silver lining girl.
I feel the tug of depression sometimes…not severe, not all-consuming, but present.
Stress rips at my skin so regularly I’ve formed a thick hide.
Chaos exists in every corner of my house. From the over-filled kitchen cabinets, to the baskets of laundry not put away, to the toys strewn across my girls bedroom, even the clutter under our bed.
Yet I am still the silver lining girl.
In 98% of the cases I am able to find the good and put it out there. For myself, for my husband, for my kids. It’s a necessary part of who I am. In this world we have.
That’s who I’ve put onto this blog.
Even the past six weeks where I’ve put out there my current battle with melancholy – I still push up my positive views.
Before my world got new levels of insanity in December, I started to dive deeper into who I am. I mentioned that I had come to a realization about my blog and where I wanted to take it. I never got the chance to dive deeper into that. I’m going to.
There are things I never say.
I never talk about.
I have issues with this in my real life.
I don’t know what the switch in my head is that turns me into a bundle of nerves. So afraid to put my real feelings out in the open. What sets my mind spinning into circles, shutting my mouth so tight you couldn’t pry one word out of me. Not willing to hurt the feelings of those around me. Or suffer rejection or pain myself.
It has carried onto my blog.
Things I won’t talk about for fear of upsetting my husband. (This has been met and discussed. Once he is feeling better, both he and I will be confronting and discussing this right here on this blog).
It got worse on my blog when the internet world got smaller. When I got onto Facebook and my family started reading the blog.
Things I won’t talk about because I don’t even have the guts to talk about it to their faces. To confront things that have happened.
Part of me has always been like this. Part of me is a result of events in my life. Part is something I don’t understand about myself, hate about myself, want to make better about myself.
I don’t want there to be things I never say.
On my blog.
In my life.
Ever again.
by Sarah | Jan 26, 2011 | All About Family, All About Marriage, Crap
(Clean) Laundry piling up.
School issues arising.
The husband in the depths of darkness (another post for another day).
And Angel running around w/ my bra on her head.
At least Riley has started eating again.
*Might or my not be typed by my nose as I was in a straight jacket on my way to the looney bin.
**Okay, not really. But could you blame me?
***I’m pretending I’m not insanely jealous of my friends heading to Blissdom
****Is it February yet?
